Blandings (TV series)

Lord Emsworth, keen that his fat pig, the Empress of Blandings, should win the 87th annual Shropshire Agricultural Show, is distraught when his pigman, Wellbeloved, is sent to prison for fourteen days for being drunk and disorderly, especially as the magistrate Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe is his rival for the prize. The pig immediately goes off her feed and Emsworth is in no state to listen to his sister Constance's bleatings about his niece Angela breaking off her engagement from Lord Heacham in favour of the quite unsuitable Jimmy Belford, whom Emsworth himself always liked. Belford teaches Emsworth the master call, the "pig-hoo-o-o-o-ey" to which all pigs will respond. When Belford is also arrested, Emsworth forgets the call. He, Beach and Angela all try the call on the Empress, but to no avail; just when all looks black, Freddie Threepwood orchestrates a temporary escape of Belford from prison to show them the call. To everyone's delight the Empress tucks heartily into her food and subsequently wins the contest. Based on the short story "Pig-hoo-o-o-o-ey".

Clarence hopes to avoid both dancing lessons with Herr Schnellhund and dancing with his niece Gertrude by getting an appropriate young fathead to keep her company. This turns out to be "Beefy" Bingham in disguise. At the same time, worried at how his Aunt Connie will react to the news, Freddie tries to keep secret that he has married the Portuguese exotic dancer Paquita Manganara while in a state of drunkenness. Connie becomes convinced that Paquita is actually a princess and tries to persuade Freddie to marry her, but is Paquita all that she seems? Based on the short story "Company for Gertrude".

When Rupert Baxter returns to Blandings as tutor to Clarence's grandson George during the summer holidays, Constance is keen that he should resume his duties as Clarence's secretary permanently. Freddie turns up at Blandings, owing money to an East End gangster, with beguiling dancer Georgia, who takes a fancy to Beach and is determined to make him dance. Clarence threatens that if Baxter goes anywhere near his desk he will shoot him, and when Baxter tidies the desk George shoots Baxter in the backside. Unable to resist the temptation Clarence does the same, leading him to be blackmailed by both Freddie and Baxter himself. When Connie and Beach also use his rear as a target Baxter resigns and departs gingerly on his motorcycle combination. Based on the short story "The Crime Wave at Blandings".

When the gardener Angus McAllister resigns on the eve of the Blandings Fete and the visit of the children from the London Fresh Air Society, Clarence must do everything he can to get him back, including agreeing to allow his beloved moss path to be gravelled. Among the children are Gladys and her younger brother Ern. The newly reformed Freddie determines to keep on the straight and narrow by helping his father avoid having to give a speech and wear a top hat at the fete, until he is tempted by the children's attractive teacher, Miss Younghusband. When McAllister makes it a condition of his staying that the Empress of Blandings should go and that no more flowers are to be cut in the garden it is a demand too far for Clarence. When Gladys is locked up with The Empress by Constance for throwing a stone at McAllister's shin who is chasing her for picking flowers and stealing sandwiches and a slice of cake for her brother Ern, her stone throwing prowess and love of flowers endear her to Clarence as he comes to her rescue and stands up to McAllister. Based on the short story "Lord Emsworth and the Girl Friend".

When Wellbeloved leaves Blandings to visit his mother in Tewkesbury his absence causes flatulence in The Empress and anxiety in Clarence. Freddie returns having sworn to give up women for good and devote his life to alcohol, until he meets Amazonian Monica Simmons, the niece of Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe and Wellbeloved's replacement, who arrives at Blandings with the impoverished Dowager Lady Daphne Littlewood and her young son Huxley, the new Marquis. Daphne sets her sights on Clarence, and pretends an interest in pigs in general and in The Empress in particular, making it clear to Connie that after her wedding to Clarence both Connie and Beach will have to leave Blandings. As Clarence prepares to propose he discovers that Daphne is only after his money and that her interest in The Empress is feigned, and she is forced to leave Blandings for good taking the complaining Huxley with her.

The Duke of Dunstable – the most obnoxious man in Britain – has come to stay at Blandings. Not content with smashing the fixtures, he is determined to have Clarence committed as a lunatic.

Clarence and Connie's censorious elder sister Charlotte is making everybody's life miserable, and threatening to stay permanently at Blandings. The situation deteriorates when Freddie tries to unite two star-crossed lovers, Clarence's secretary Hugo Carmody and his niece Millicent by stealing the Empress.

Galahad 'Gally' Threepwood, Clarence's incorrigible younger brother, intends to publish a fantastically indiscreet memoir that will disgrace the family. Connie must stop him at all costs.

The heating at Blandings has failed, and Clarence has grown a preposterous beard. Freddie woos a Hollywood starlet, Pauline Petite, by allowing a movie, headed by Grumman to be made at Blandings, but Connie must not find out. Matters are complicated by religious maniac Drusilla who thinks Beach is a sex maniac.

Colonel Horace Fanshawe, with his daughter Valerie, calls to sound out Clarence as his successor as Lord Lieutenant of Shropshire, an honour for which Connie is desperate. Beach is behaving peculiarly, and Blandings is more than ever an embarrassing shambles. Freddie is taken with Valerie and she takes Mugsy, the dog he is looking after.

Dunstable's even more irascible brother Hannibal, Lord Didcot, is terrorising Clarence to return the money he paid for a dubious painting. Connie decides to get Hannibal married to her new American friend, artist Vanessa Polk. Freddie and Galahad Threepwood scheme to prevent the marriage and make some 'Necessary Rhino' (cash).

To get rid of Freddie, Connie plans to marry him off to Sir Gregory Parsloe-Parsloe's unusual niece, Felicity, but Freddie has fallen for Angus McAllister's niece, Niagara to her uncle's displeasure. Clarence wants to win the Fat Pumpkin prize, because if he loses he will also lose the Empress, so he has to defy Connie and scupper the marriage, appease McAllister, and vanquish Parsloe. Beech discovers the answer to Clarence and Connie's problems in a magazine, "Society Spice".