Criticism of marriage
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Criticisms of marriage are arguments against the practical or moral value of the institution of matrimony or particular forms of matrimony. These have included the effects that marriage has on individual liberty, equality between the sexes, the relation between marriage and violence, philosophical questions about how much control can a government have over its population, the amount of control a person has over another, the financial risk when measured against the divorce rate, and questioning of the necessity to have a relationship sanctioned by government or religious authorities.[1]
Criticism of marriage comes from various cultural movements, including branches of feminism, anarchism, Marxism and queer theory. Feminist activists often point to historical, legal and social inequalities of
- Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice. Rape, originally defined as abduction, became marriage by capture. Marriage meant the taking was to extend in time, to be not only use of but possession of, or ownership.[3]
Early second-wave feminist literature in the West, specifically opposed to marriage include personalities such as Kate Millett (Sexual Politics, 1969), Germaine Greer (The Female Eunuch, 1970), Marilyn French (The Women's Room, 1977), Jessie Bernard (The Future of Marriage, 1972), and Shulamith Firestone (The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for Feminist Revolution, 1970).[4]
History
In 380 BC,
In the
Commentators have often been critical of individual local practices and traditions, leading to historical changes. Examples include the early
The decision not to marry is a presumed consequence of Søren Kierkegaard's philosophy. His well-documented relationship with Regine Olsen is a subject of study in existentialism, as he called off their engagement despite mutual love. Kierkegaard seems to have loved Regine but was unable to reconcile the prospect of marriage with his vocation as a writer and his passionate and introspective Christianity.[citation needed]
A similar argument is found in Franz Kafka's journal entry titled "Summary of all the arguments for and against my marriage":
I must be alone a great deal. What I accomplished was only the result of being alone.[10]
As a high-profile couple, Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir always expressed opposition to marriage. Brian Sawyer says "Marriage, understood existentially, proposes to join two free selves into one heading, thus denying the freedom, the complete foundation, of each self."[11]
Prior to the legalization of same-sex marriage in the United States, many people banded together to boycott marriage until all people could legally marry. The argument was that since marriage is not an inclusive institution of society, the members of the boycott refuse to support the institution as it existed.[12][13]
In the West,
Cultural criticisms
Male dominance
Critics of marriage argue that it is an institution which contributes to the maintaining of traditional gender roles, thus preventing women from achieving social equality, and reinforcing the idea that women exist to serve men, which in turn increases the abuse of women. They argue that marriage reinforces the traditional paradigm of male-female interaction: subordination of the woman to the man in exchange for subsistence. According to Sheila Jeffreys "the traditional elements of marriage have not completely disappeared in western societies, even in the case of employed, highly educated and well paid professional women."[17] She argues that even such women remain in abusive marriages out of fear of leaving and out of duty. Even in Western countries, married women "feel they have no choice but to stay and endure and may be 'loving to survive.'"[17]
Normalization and discrimination
Some commentators[who?] criticize government authorities for promotion of marriage. They also criticize the romanticized image that marriage is given in films and romance novels.[citation needed] Over 40% of books sold in America were romance novels.[18]
Some critics argue that people cannot form an objective image of what marriage is if they are from early childhood
]Critics of marriage argue that this institution represents a form of state sponsored discrimination, in a generalized way against people who do not marry, and in a particular way against certain racial or ethnic groups who are less likely to marry and more likely to have children outside marriage, such as African Americans in the US - by stigmatizing such individuals, presenting their lifestyle as abnormal and denying them rights.[21] Dean Spade and Craig Willse write that:[21]
The idea that married families and their children are superior was and remains a key tool of anti-Black racism. Black families have consistently been portrayed as pathological and criminal in academic research and social policy based on marriage rates, most famously in the Moynihan Report.
Social isolation
What is it about modern coupledom that makes policing another person's behaviour a synonym for intimacy? (Or is it something about the conditions of modern life itself: is domesticity a venue for control because most of us have so little of it elsewhere?) Then there's the fundamental premise of monogamous marriage: that mutual desire can and will last throughout a lifetime. And if it doesn't? Well apparently you're just supposed to give up on sex, since waning desire for your mate is never an adequate defence for 'looking elsewhere'. At the same time, let's not forget how many booming businesses and new technologies have arisen to prop up sagging marital desire. Consider all the investment opportunities afforded: Viagra, couples pornography, therapy. If upholding monogamy in the absence of desire weren't a social dictate, how many enterprises would immediately fail?
— American cultural critic and essayist Laura Kipnis, 2003[22]
A criticism of marriage is that it may lead to the social isolation of a person, who is often expected to diminish other relations with friends, relatives or colleagues, in order to be fully dedicated to their spouse. Julie Bindel writes that: "Maybe those at the most risk of ending up alone are not the folk who never marry, but rather the people who chuck all their eggs in one basket. [...] During their marriage, believing as they did that they only needed each other, both parties would have neglected friendships, or indeed, failed to cultivate new ones".[23]
Symbolism
Some critics assert that marriage will always remain a symbolic institution signifying the subordination of women to men. Clare Chambers points to the sexist traditions surrounding marriage and weddings; she writes:[24]
Symbolically, the white wedding asserts that women's ultimate dream and purpose is to marry, and remains replete with sexist imagery: the white dress denoting the bride's virginity (and emphasising the importance of her appearance); the minister telling the husband "you may now kiss the bride" (rather than the bride herself giving permission, or indeed initiating or at least equally participating in the act of kissing); the reception at which, traditionally, all the speeches are given by men; the wife surrendering her own name and taking her husband's.
The history of marriage in relation to women makes it an institution that some critics argue cannot and should not be accepted in the 21st century; to do so would mean to trivialize the abuses it was responsible for. Some critics argue that it is impossible to dissociate marriage from its past. Clare Chambers argues that:
(...) it is impossible to escape the history of the institution. Its status as a tradition ties its current meaning to its past".[24] Past abuses of marriage are sometimes depicted in documentaries. A documentary in Ireland presented the story of elderly women who described their experiences with repeated acts of rape in marriage and the children born from these rapes,[when?] during the time when marital rape was not criminalized, contraception, abortion and divorce were all illegal, and the marriage bar restricting married women's employment outside the home was in force. Marital rape in Ireland was made illegal in 1990, and divorce was legalized in 1996.[25]
Violence against women
Violence related to female virginity is considered a problem. In many parts of the world, it is socially expected for the bride to be a virgin; if the husband has sex with his wife after marriage and she does not bleed (it is common for a woman to not bleed when she has sex for the first time [26]), this can end in extreme violence, including an honor killing.[27][28]
The common view of marital life as "private" and outside the sphere of public intervention allows violence to flourish. Elizabeth Brake writes that "privacy" protects unequal divisions of domestic labor, domestic violence, and exclusion of health coverage for abortion and contraception."[29] Mary Lyndon Shanley writes that police often "ignore complaints of domestic violence because they do not want to "intrude" on the private realm of the married couple."[30]
Legal criticisms
Economic dependence
Marriage has been criticized in its complicity of wives' economic dependence on husbands due to the gendered division of labour and that women's work typically pays less than men's work. Women are more likely to downgrade or drop out of their careers to assist in child rearing or when their career conflicts with their husband's. Absent a career, women become dependent on legally granted marriage benefits such as a husband's health insurance, and are thus increasingly dependent on their husband. This dependence can facilitate abuse because the marriage becomes economically difficult to leave.[31]
Immobility
In some conservative cultures, married women are not allowed to leave home without the consent of the husband - a prohibition that is supported by the law itself in many of these countries. For instance, in Yemen, marriage regulations state that a wife must obey her husband and must not leave home without his permission.[32]
Marital rape
Historically, in many cultures marriage has been used to regulate sexuality, rather than
In various places, men have sexual authority over their wives, in law and in practice. The men decide when and where to have sex, and wives have no power to stop unwanted sex. In certain countries
Relationship favoritism
Another issue is the question of why relations that are (or are believed to be) sexual are favored in law with regard to legal protections and promotion, and those that are not (or are believed not to be) are not. This is especially the case as marriage rates are quite low in many Western countries, and the state has been criticized for ignoring other living arrangements that are not sexual relations; and there have been increased objections to legal concepts such as consummation or adultery that critics argue do not belong in modern law.[36][37] It is argued that with regard to family life, the state should regulate the parental rights and responsibilities of parents, not focus on whether there is an ongoing sexual/romantic relation between the parents.[36]
State control
A criticism of marriage is that it gives the state undue power and control over the private lives of the citizens. The statutes governing marriage are drafted by the state, and not by the couples who marry under those laws. The laws may, at any time, be changed by the state without the consent (or even knowledge) of the married people. The terms derived from the principles of institutionalized marriage represent the interests of the governments.[38][39] Proponents of marriage privatization argue that private marriage prevents said state's undue power and control. For example, Michael Kinsley emphasizes marriage privatization's potential to end the controversy over same-sex marriage, as well as create equality between same-sex and straight marriage by removing official government sanctions for both.[40]
Critics of marriage argue that it is an institution based on control, domination and possession, and that attempting to exercise control over another person's life is immoral and dangerous, and should not be encouraged by the state. Claudia Card, professor of philosophy at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, writes that:[41]
The legal rights of access that married partners have to each other's persons, property, and lives makes it all but impossible for a spouse to defend herself (or himself), or to be protected against torture, rape, battery, stalking, mayhem, or murder by the other spouse... Legal marriage thus enlists state support for conditions conducive to murder and mayhem.
Violence against women
The
Critics of marriage argue that it is complicit in the mistreatment and subjugation of women across the world. Common concerns raised today focus on the health and general well-being of women, who, in parts of the world, have virtually no protection in law or in practice against domestic violence within marriage. It is also nearly impossible for women there to get out of abusive relationships.[38][39] Abuses are upheld by claims of possession and entitlement in some cultures and the well-being of women is undermined by a powerful act of subordination.[38][39] According to Gerstel and Sarkisian, domestic violence, isolation, and housework tend to increase for women who sign marriage contracts.[43] Those with lower income draw even fewer benefits from it.[43] Bad marriages, according to Gerstel and Sarkisian, result in higher levels of stress, suicide, hypertension, cancer, and slower wound healing in women.[44]
Opponents of legal marriage contend that it encourages
In various countries, married men have authority over their wives. For instance, Yemeni marriage regulations state that a wife must obey her husband and must not leave home without his permission.[32] In
Specific criticisms
Anarchist
Famous anarchist Emma Goldman wrote how marriage was not a love pact but an economic agreement that restricts men's and mainly women's freedoms. She criticized how wives were surrendered freedoms permanently for the sake of marriage, and how sexuality and child rearing outside of marriage is shamed.[57]
Feminist
Marriage is a focus of many feminist concerns. Of these many cultural concerns include the fact that within many marriages women are generally expected to do most of the work in the home, even if they had careers outside the home. A more economic concern is that marriage may also foster economic dependence since women's work is underpaid and women are expected to downgrade their careers when their careers conflict with their husband's or with work in the home. Without appropriate finances women can become dependent on their husband's marriage benefits like health insurance.[31]
Some feminists have argued for the reform of marriage while others have argued for its abolition arguing it is entrenched in sexist cultural norms and a legal structure that promotes it.[31]
Marxist
The separation of the family from the clan and the institution of monogamous marriage were the social expressions of developing private property; so-called monogamy afforded the means through which property could be individually inherited. And private property for some meant no property for others, or the emerging of differing relations to production on the part of different social groups. The core of Engels’ formulation lies in the intimate connection between the emergence of the family as an economic unit dominated by the male and this development of classes.
— Anthropologist and social theorist Eleanor Leacock[58]
Within early Marxist texts there existed critiques of marriage. Friedrich Engels wrote how the origins of marriage were not for the purposes of love but instead for private property rights. Monogamous marriage became an institution to be the base of the family and solidify a system for the family to handle private property and its inheritance. Monogamy would later spur on adultery and the business of prostitution.[58]
In the book The Second Sex, author Simone de Beauvoir argues that marriage is an alienating institution. Men can become tied to supporting a wife and children and women can become dependent on their husbands, and children can become the target of rage when the stresses of marriage overwhelm their parents. She argues about marriage that "Any institution which solders one person to another, obliging people to sleep together who no longer want to is a bad one".[59]
Queer theory
Within Queer theory a critique exists that the legalization of
See also
- Cohabitation
- Divorce demography
- Free union
- Marriage gap
- 1993 UN Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women
- Free love
Religious views
References
- ISBN 9780520299146.
- ^ Sheila Cronan, "Marriage," in Koedt, Levine, and Rapone, eds., Radical Feminism, p. 219
- ^ "15 Quotes by People Who Have No Idea What Feminism Really is". November 9, 2015.
- ^ Why Congress Should Ignore Radical Feminist Opposition to Marriage by Patrick F. Fagan, Robert E. Rector, and Lauren R. Noyes. 1995. The Heritage Foundation
- ^ Sue Asscher, and David Widger (2008), The Republic by Plato. The Project Gutenberg EBook. Retrieved August 3, 2013.
- ^ Jessica Spector (2006), Prostitution and Pornography. Stanford University Press, p. 51. Retrieved August 3, 2013.
- ISBN 978-0-8070-0035-9.
- (author of Princeton Univ.).
- )
- ^ Kafka, Franz. Summary of all the arguments for and against my marriage: From Kafka's Diaries, 12 July 1912...[1] Archived 2008-05-06 at the Wayback Machine[2] Archived 2008-12-01 at the Wayback Machine
- ^ "Chapter 4: Bad Faith and de Beauvoir's Gendered Self". briansawyer.net. November 20, 2003.
- ^ Eric Rofes, "Life After Knight: A Call for Direct Action and Civil Disobedience" [3]
- ^ "Brandi Sperry, "Support queer friends—boycott marriage"". myspace.com.
- ISBN 0-664-25543-4
- ISBN 978-0664234324. Retrieved August 6, 2013.
- ^ Jane Williams-Hogan (Bryn Athyn College) (June 11–13, 2009). "Marriage in Christian History". Marginalizing Heterosexual Monogamous Marriage. CESNUR. Retrieved August 6, 2013.
- ^ a b c The Industrial Vagina: The Political Economy of the Global Sex Trade at Google Books
- ^ Thurston, Carol (April 1983). "The Liberation of Pulp Romances" (PDF). Psychology Today. Archived from the original (PDF) on July 12, 2007. Retrieved May 24, 2007.
- ISBN 978-0-915987-21-4.
- ^ "Department of Government - Department of Government Cornell Arts & Sciences" (PDF). government.arts.cornell.edu.
- ^ a b Willse, Dean Spade & Craig. "Marriage Will Never Set Us Free - Organizing Upgrade". www.organizingupgrade.com. Archived from the original on May 12, 2014. Retrieved May 11, 2014.
- ^ Guardian Staff (September 7, 2003). "Laura Kipnis: Marriage is made in hell". The Guardian – via www.theguardian.com.
- ^ Bindel, Julie (November 18, 2015). "What if I never get married? You asked Google – here's the answer - Julie Bindel". The Guardian.
- ^ a b E, Chambers, Clare (September 1, 2005). "Recognizing Marriage as a Symbolic Institution". allacademic.com. Archived from the original on October 8, 2013. Retrieved October 7, 2013.
{{cite journal}}
: CS1 maint: multiple names: authors list (link) - ^ Morris, Bréid (April 5, 2012). "Column: Raped for years, many older women can only now tell their stories". thejournal.ie.
- ^ Choices, N. H. S. (July 12, 2016). "Does a woman always bleed when she has sex for the first time? - Health questions - NHS Choices". www.nhs.uk.
- ^ Abu-Odeh, Lama. "Crimes of Honor and the Construction of Gender in Arab Societies". Comparative Law Review. 2. Archived from the original on August 10, 2014. Retrieved September 25, 2013.
- United Nations Division for the Advancement of Women. EGM/GPLHP/2009/EP.11b.
- ISBN 9780199774135.
- ISBN 978-0-19-803917-4.
- ^ a b c d Marriage and Domestic Partnership. Metaphysics Research Lab, Stanford University. 2021.
{{cite book}}
:|website=
ignored (help) - ^ a b "Yemen's Dark Side: discrimination and violence against women and girls" (PDF). Amnesty International. November 2009. MDE 31/014/2009 – via Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights.
- ^ "Equality Now" (PDF).
- ^ "Sexual and reproductive rights under threat worldwide". www.amnesty.org. March 6, 2014.
- ^ "child bride 8 dies of internal bleeding on wedding night says yemeni activist". The Star. Toronto.
- ^ a b After Legal Equality: Family, Sex, Kinshipedited by Robert Leckey, Chapter 2, Making family law less sexy ... and more careful, by Jonathan Herring
- ^ Body Lore and Laws Essays on Law and the Human Body, edited by: Andrew Bainham, Shelley Day Sclater, Martin Richards, pp 171- 182
- ^ a b c The Need to Abolish Marriage. Archived September 23, 2014, at the Wayback Machine Feminism & Psychology, May 2004.
- ^ a b c Feminism Liberalism and Marriage. University of Cambridge, 2010.
- ^ Kinsley, Michael (July 2, 2003). "Let's really get the government out of our bedrooms". Slate Magazine. Retrieved December 11, 2022.
- S2CID 143516578.
- ^ United Nations General Assembly Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women (1993)
- ^ a b Gerstel, Naomi, et al., Marriage: The Good, the Bad, and the Greedy, op. cit., p. 16.
- ^ Gerstel, Naomi, et al., Marriage: The Good, the Bad, and the Greedy, op. cit., p. 17.
- SAGE Publications.
- ^ Interviewees explained that societal pressures [to get married in Tajikistan] lead to suicide. A lawyer reported: "They try to quickly get their daughters married. There was a twenty-seven year old girl from the region, no one married her and the neighbors were laughing at her. She burned herself a month ago. Society makes fun of her because the first goal of the woman is to get married" [4] Archived March 4, 2016, at the Wayback Machine
- ^ a b "Domestic Violence in Tajikistan" (PDF). Minneapolis: The Advocates for Human Rights. October 2008. Archived from the original (PDF) on March 4, 2016. Retrieved September 13, 2013.
- ^ "Afghan Women Set Themselves On Fire To Escape Abusive Marriages « RAWA News". www.rawa.org.
- PMID 19041596. Archived from the original(PDF) on September 28, 2013. Retrieved September 13, 2013.
- ^ Naripokkho and Bangladesh Mahila Parishad. "Baseline Report on Violence Against Women in Bangladesh" (PDF). International Women’s Rights Action Watch Asia Pacific. Archived from the original (PDF) on September 22, 2013. Retrieved March 6, 2013.
- ^ "Afghan women escape marriage through suicide - DW - 18.04.2013". DW.COM.
- ^ Ash, Lucy (July 16, 2003). "India's dowry deaths". BBC News.
- ^ "Topics of Special Interest". state.gov.
- ^ "Gender, Sexuality, & Identity – Amnesty International USA". amnestyusa.org.
- ^ "Iraqi Penal Code 1969" (PDF). Paragraph 41. Archived from the original (PDF) on October 21, 2012. Retrieved October 21, 2012.
- ^ "THE WAR WITHIN THE WAR". www.hrw.org.
- ^ Emma Goldman, "Marriage and Love"
- ^ a b "International Socialist Review (1997)". Archived from the original on May 14, 2019. Retrieved May 14, 2019.
- ^ Caroline Moorehead, "A talk with Simone de Beauvoir"
External links
- Alternatives to Marriage Project
- Citizenship, Same-Sex Marriage, and Feminist Critiques of Marriage
- Marriage is More than Just a Piece of Paper, by Susan Boyd of University of British Columbia Archived March 26, 2014, at the Wayback Machine
- Minimal Marriage: What Political Liberalism Implies for Marriage Law, Elizabeth Brake
- Marriage Will Never Set Us Free Archived May 12, 2014, at the Wayback Machine, by Dean Spade and Craig Willse