The Ball of Kirriemuir

"The Ball of Kirriemuir" (occasionally Kerrymuir and other variants), sometimes known as "The Gathering of the Clans" or "Four-and-Twenty Virgins", is a traditional song of Scottish origin. It is Roud Folk Song Index no. 4828.^[1] It consists of quatrains in which the second and fourth lines rhyme, alternating with a chorus. The words, and the number of verses (of which there are many), vary between versions, but all are strikingly bawdy. It purports to recount the goings-on at a dance party in Kirriemuir, Angus, Scotland which turned into an orgy. In many versions, there are visitors from as far away as Aviemore and Inverness in the Scottish Highlands.

The general view is that the song originated sometime around the 1880s, and is loosely based on an actual event. The tale runs, that all the men were wearing

Suggestions that some of the words can be attributed to Robert Burns (Scotland's national poet) or that T. S. Eliot made use of them have been refuted.^[2][3][4]

The following, in Scots, is representative of the less extreme verses:^[5]

'Twas on the first of August,
The party, it began,
Noo, ne'er shall I forget, me lads,
The gatherin' o' the clans.

[Chorus] Wha'll dae ye, lassie,
Wha'll dae ye noo?
The mon wha did ye last nicht,
Cannae dae ye noo.

Four and twenty virgins,
Cam doon frae Inverness,
And when the ball was over,
There were four and twenty less.

There was screwin' in the parlour,
An' screwin' on the stones,
Ye couldnae hear the music,
For the wheezin' and the groans.

And when the ball was over,
The opinion was expressed,
The music was exquisite, but
The screwin' was the best.

The earliest known recording is by Mikeen McCarthy, an