Wikipedia:Peer review/Dreamcast/archive1

Dreamcast

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This peer review discussion is closed.

I'm preparing this article for an FAC run, and I've stumbled through trying to make the prose more readable and communicate the main points without losing what's important. Long story short, I helped work on this in 2013-2014 and stopped short of finishing its GA nomination, other editors continued to develop from there but the prose is pretty radically different from what I wrote, and in the last little while with their blessing I have been working again to get it FA-ready. I've read and reread it, but I feel like I'm missing a lot and could use some fresh eyes so it won't read clumsily.

Pinging @Popcornfud: as I'm sure he will be interested.

Thanks, Red Phoenix ^talk 22:58, 25 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I'll do a big copyediting sweep soon - ping me if I forget. There's a lot there! Popcornfud (talk) 21:34, 29 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Done some trimming of the first sections. As usual this is an impressively researched and comprehensive piece of work. Thoughts so far:

• Do we really need so much history of the Genesis and Saturn in the Background section? It strikes me as a little dense right now, I think we can summarise more.

• I agree, a little too dense. I think a lot of this was taken from Sega Saturn, and while I didn't write it myself, I probably contributed to huge background sections in this and other Sega console articles. I cut out a whole paragraph and did some condensing; let me know what you think.

• From the Development section - As the GD-ROM format can hold about 1 GB of data, illegally copying Dreamcast games onto a 650 MB CD-ROM sometimes required the removal of certain game features, although this did not prevent piracy - this looks like a detail for another section (legacy?), not background.

• For now, I moved this to GD-ROM. Actually I may have to do a bit of research more on piracy and home-brew releases, as we don't have a section on this, but I have yet to evaluate how many reliable sources there really are on this subject.

• Lead looks a little short considering the amount of info in the article, but this can be expanded after work on the body is done.

• I usually do the lead last after all the article stuff is done, so I would like to tackle it after the body's done, for sure. Since I've done major body work and I'm not 100% it was all the right decisions, I wanted to be sure first. Red Phoenix ^talk 01:47, 7 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

• I tripped up on this: Sega announced that Sonic Adventure, the next game starring the company mascot, Sonic the Hedgehog, would launch with the Dreamcast [...] On November 27, 1998, the Dreamcast launched in Japan at a price of ¥29,000, and the stock sold out by the end of the day. However, of the four games available at launch, only one—a port of Virtua Fighter 3, the most successful arcade game Sega ever released in Japan—sold well. So that sounds like SA didn't sell well, but then: Sega estimated that an additional 200,000–300,000 Dreamcast units could have been sold with sufficient supply. The key games Sonic Adventure and Sega Rally Championship 2, which had been delayed, arrived within the following weeks So we have to read backwards and adjust our interpretation of the previous sentence - can we sequence this info in a linear way instead? Popcornfud (talk) 11:05, 1 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

• Gave this a whack, let me know what you think.

• "As of 2014, it was still supported through various MIL-CD independent releases." What is MIL-CD exactly and what does "supported" mean in this context? Popcornfud (talk) 13:41, 2 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

• Explained using the explanation from MIL-CD.

• On August 11, Sega of America confirmed that Stolar had been fired, leaving Moore to direct the launch.[58][62][63][64] -
  WP:CITEOVERKILL - surely one source could cover this? Popcornfud (talk) 21:57, 3 July 2022 (UTC)[reply
  ]

• Two okay? Red Phoenix ^talk 01:47, 7 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

  Two is better than four for sure! But is one not sufficient?

  Thanks for the replies/edits so far. I haven't finished my sweep of the article yet, I'll get back to it over the next few days. Popcornfud (talk) 08:59, 7 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

  OK, I finished my ce sweep. Sorry it took a few weeks. It's gonna be a great article, I think! Popcornfud (talk) 19:21, 22 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Standard note

STANDARD NOTE: I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template. Thanks, Z1720 (talk) 15:53, 6 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Red Phoenix: It has been over a month since the last comment. Are you still interested in receiving feedback? If so, I recommend posting on various Wikiproject talk pages asking for feedback. If not, can we close this PR? Z1720 (talk) 14:35, 27 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

• Since there was no response to my above message, I'll close this PR. A new PR can be opened at a later date. Z1720 (talk) 21:04, 11 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]