Talk:Bekah Brunstetter/GA1

GA nomination successful as article has improved enough in a reasonable amount of time to meet criteria.

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 02:27, 28 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review. My initial comments should be up within a few days. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 02:27, 28 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

We'll start with the infobox, lead section, and "Early life and education".

Infobox

File:Bekah Brunstetter at 18th Annual Pacific Playwrights Festival in 2015.jpg is appropriately licensed
Keeping WP:INFOBOXREF in mind, try to cite content within article prose instead of here
Done
talk) 20:59, 1 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

I recommend consolidating "screenwriter" and "playwright" into the collective term "writer" for occupation as this is a singular term that covers both fields
Done
talk) 20:37, 1 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

How recent is this residence? It's hard to tell when no publish date is given in the used source, and I'd prefer something with one so it's easier to attribute the update.
The source is her own professional bio, which she probably keeps up to date. Several sources mention that she lives in Los Angeles (e.g. [1] from 2017). So maybe the question is whether we just believe her and put an {{
talk) 21:18, 1 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

I'm not doubting her word for this, just wasn't sure when it was last updated. It's better to go with a secondary source in this case because that gives a date to go off of. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 04:14, 2 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

That makes sense. {{
talk) 04:54, 2 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Lead

See above note on consolidating screenwriter and playwright
Done
talk) 20:37, 1 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

If anywhere, I'd mention nominations in article body instead of here; actual wins are more lead-worthy
Done
talk) 20:43, 1 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Early life and education

Can you be more specific on how many brothers she has? I only count three so far in one ref used, which would make "several" an exaggeration as that would imply five or more.
"Three" it is. Done
talk) 20:47, 1 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

I can't find anything that states or even suggests Mount Tabor High School in either citation
The third sentence from the second citation: After attending Mt. Tabor High School and UNC-Chapel Hill, Brunstetter moved to New York City to work on her master’s degree and to pursue her dreams.
talk) 01:44, 29 May 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

My bad; not sure how I missed that one! SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 01:45, 29 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Let's elaborate on how she changed paths from poetry to writing plays, specifically input from her professors in college
Took a crack at this by splitting that paragraph and expanding the second half a bit with the source you suggested and another interview in The Daily Tar Heel.
talk) 05:13, 2 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

I'll be back with more later. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 01:28, 29 May 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Career

Early plays

It would probably help to put "generally unconvincing" in quotation marks when this is an exact phrase used in The New York Times
Done
talk) 06:19, 9 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Let's include reviewers' names
Done for this section, will do the same for other sections as we go through them.
talk) 06:19, 9 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

"less positive"..... I'd go with favorable so the word "positive" and its forms aren't used so repetitively
Done
talk) 06:19, 9 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Expanding into screenwriting

"theatre agent" → theater agent, use American spelling for an article on an American subject
Done That looks like the only English variant spelling, not counting proper names and titles (e.g. American Theatre magazine, Alley Theatre, etc.)
talk) 06:30, 9 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

"worked as a staff writer for three years"..... seasons would be more accurate
Done
talk) 06:30, 9 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Sorry, this update was definitely overdue. I'll still review in chunks though. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 06:01, 9 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The Cake and American Gods

This doesn't mention Neil Gaiman or his book
Done Added inline cite to another ref in the article ([2]) that discusses this specific relationship.
talk) 04:24, 19 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

This Is Us (2016–present)

No mention of when this series debuted?
Done Rephrased to specify year of debut, which is already supported by cited source.
talk) 04:27, 19 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Starting two consecutive sentences with "she" feels repetitive
Done Fixed during removal of unsourced claim mentioned below.
talk) 04:33, 19 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

"has been credited as sole writer or co-writer on six episodes" isn't supported by either of the attributed citations
Done Agreed. Claim pulled until someone finds sourcing for it.
talk) 04:33, 19 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

I couldn't find any mention of a specific episode name here, only a scene description
Done I couldn't find it either. Looks like someone added that bit later based on watching the show, rather than following the source. Now the text matches the source.
talk) 04:41, 19 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Getting closer. Hopefully my next batch will be the last one. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 01:33, 17 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Going to a Place Where You Already Are and later work

"The play follows two couples who discuss whether heaven really exists as they confront health challenges and the possibility of dying"..... From that sentence, I could only find a discussion on heaven potentially existing, so either remove the couples/health details or add something that actually supports them. I should also note this doesn't delve so much into the debate over whether it exists.
Done Used the DC Metro Arts source and wrote a more accurate summary of play's central story.
talk) 00:04, 23 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Good job on that :) SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 01:54, 23 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Law of attraction should be singular; don't distort the quote with a plural
Done Apparent typo fixed.
talk) 06:41, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Personal life

Seems kind of bare. Perhaps you could add something on how she met Morrison Keddie or how long they were together before getting engaged/married. Super short paragraphs like this are also discouraged per MOS:PARAGRAPHS as they make text look choppy (especially when there's a bunch of short ones in a row, which thankfully isn't the case here).
Done Expanded a bit, though mostly by focusing on their collaborative work on Again and The Cake. Too much more would make it overly reliant on personal blog posts, I think. Perhaps she will be more forthcoming about personal details in future interviews.
talk) 00:44, 23 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

Collaborations are fine by me. I just did a little minor fixup. Now promoting! SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 01:54, 23 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Bibliography

This title is discouraged as a vague name for sections per MOS:BIB.
Done Changed to "Works".
talk) 06:24, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

References

"I care Deeply", "Carolina Alumni Review", WXII-TV, Brit + Co, NPR, Vulture, Academy of Television Arts & Sciences, "American Theatre", "DC Metro Theater Arts", "The Interval", and CNN shouldn't be in italics
@
talk) 06:39, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply
]

My bad on the two you just mentioned; didn't know those ones were periodicals. I can at the very least safely say that blogs as well as TV networks, their owners, and their affiliates aren't supposed to have italics. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 12:55, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Done for the rest.

talk) 13:34, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply

]

Very good

Bakazaka. Now we just need to flesh out "personal life" (see my above comments) and this will be GA material. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 17:11, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply

]

Overall

Prose:

Needs some touching up, especially regarding MOS:PARAGRAPHS

Referencing:

Not all references are properly formatted, and you need to ensure all content is supported by the citations attributed to it.

Coverage:

Personal life could use expansion

Neutrality:

No bias detected

Stability:

Looks good

Media:

Image used is A-OK

Verdict: On hold for seven days starting now. That should be enough time to resolve my remaining concerns. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 04:56, 22 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.