Talk:Cyclone Ava/GA1

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 19:18, 25 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this.

• "and became the first system to make landfall in the Atsinanana Region of Madagascar since Cyclone Giovanna in 2012" - source for this?
  •  Done. Moved this trivia to the see also section, there are no sources supporting this statement.
    9thx my edits! 05:16, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "The first tropical depression, first named storm, and first tropical cyclone of the 2017-18 South-West Indian Ocean cyclone season, Ava began as a weak area of disturbed weather well northeast of St. Brandon on December 27 which was being monitored for tropical development. " - this is a bit long. I think you could cut the sentence at "December 27"
  •  Done. ~ Destroyer🌀🌀 21:05, 25 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• "The disturbance gradually drifted southwest being continously monitored by Meteo France La Réunion" - this is your first mention of the warning center. I suggest adding (MFR) here, since you use that a lot in the MH. Also, you have a typo in here.
  •  Done. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• You might want to switch up the wording and use "Ava" once or twice in the lead, instead of saying "the storm" so many times
  •  Done. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• Any update on the death toll, specifically the missing people?
  • Not that I can find. Ironically, the latest mention of an Ava death toll is from an article for Cyclone Belna, which says 51 deaths. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• The World Bank estimated a higher damage total.
  •  Done. Integrated the new damage toll with a new ref Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• The impact bit in the lead is pretty short. Could you add a bit?
  •  Done. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• The MH is two giant paragraphs. Could you split it into three evenly spaced paragraphs?
  •  Done. I simply divided the bottom paragraph between pre-landfall and post-landfall.
• "By December 25, a more definitive clockwise circulation with minimal convective activity developed south of Diego Garcia alongside a ill-defined mesovortex in which conditions were expected to steadily become more favorable for some degree of tropical cyclogenesis as an active MJO pattern settled over the basin and low level convergence increased on the system's northern side." - that's a bit too long for a sentence. Also, a few problems. You never mention what MJO is. Also, aren't "circulation" and "mesovortex" largely the same?
  •  Fixed. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• "Organization remained slow for the upcoming days due to the system's elongated center and only slightly conducive conditions,[7] however deep convection beginning to persist near the circulation as well as ground observations from Tromelin Island indicated the system's low-level center was becoming more well defined and met the criteria to be designated a tropical disturbance at 06:00 UTC on January 2." - another long sentence that should be split into two.
  •  Fixed. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• "Conditions were considered relatively favorable for rapid intensification due to insignificant wind shear and strong poleward and equatorward low-level convergence as the system was steered slowly southwest towards the Malagasy coastline by a subtropical ridge situated over the central part of the basin." - you should mention the favorable conditions in a separate sentence from the movement.
  •  Fixed. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• "An ASCAT pass later in the day revealed a large swath of 35 kt winds in the northern side of the depression's circulation, warranting an upgrade to Moderate Tropical Storm Ava at around 06:00 UTC on January 3, about 185 miles west of Antalaha." - few things. First, don't start a new paragraph with an uncertain time reference. "Later in the day" means little, since the last sentence of the first MH paragraph didn't have a date reference. Also, you never mention what ASCAT is. Also, articles use km/h and mph, not knots, so be sure to convert. Alternately, you could say "gale-force winds" instead of 35 kt. Also, "west of Antalaha" is either in the Mozambique channel or somewhere over Madagascar. Be sure to use km and put miles in parenthesis here. Lastly, be sure to add who did the upgrading.
  •  Fixed. Funny how I said west instead of east.
• "Ava changed little in intensity throughout the day with its exposed circulation but was expected to be able to intensify up to landfall as wind shear gradually relaxed on the storm's western side" - part of this seems redundant. You already talked about the favorable conditions earlier, and later you mention it strengthening.
  •  Fixed. Yeah, I fixed that with a copyedit earlier. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• "Ava reached its peak intensity with 10-minute sustained winds at 155 km/h (100 mph) 6 hours later only about 35 km (20 mi) away from the coastline of Madagascar." - add a comma or two here. Also, you mention a lot of wind speeds leading up to this. I suggest rewriting it a bit so you don't mention both MFR and JTWC estimates, just mentioning the important stuff (like JTWC upgrading to Cat 1 equivalent, and the MFR upgrading to TC, plus the peak winds for both agencies).
  •  Fixed. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:52, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• "Just before landfall, a station in Toamasina recorded sustained winds of 120 km/h (75 mph) with a pressure of 966.5 hPa (28.54 inHg) before being obstructed, agreeing with the intensity consensus." - this should be moved to impact section
  •  Done. Hurricaneboy23 (page) * (talk) 18:53, 26 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
• "Ava slowly meandered south through eastern Madagascar as a weak tropical storm dropping lots of heavy rainfall throughout January 6,[18] before moving east under the influence of a upper-level trough and exiting the Malagasy landmass by early on January 7 and moving back over sea." - the rainfall bit is impact, so it should be moved. Also, I'd split this sentence, first it going south, then the next sentence of it exiting the country.
  •  Done. removed dropping lots of heavy rainfall and splitted the sentence.
    9thx my edits! 14:19, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• How long did the post-tropical depression last? Normally the MFR mentions the storm's status while extratropical.
  •  Done. It lasted for six hours, and Ava didn't dissipate.
    9thx my edits! 02:48, 10 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
    • Per MFR, the extratropical storm moved quickly southeastward, then left the basin. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:45, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
      • Thanks.
        9thx my edits! 00:57, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
        ]
• The impact section feels a bit disjointed. You go from mentioning impacts throughout Madagascar, then the center, then where it made landfall. What is the order here? Normally, articles mention meteorological impacts first, such as heavy rainfall or strong wind reports. That is, after any preparations - were there any preps either?
  •  Done. Fixed all of these issues mentioned, including any preps (which is only warnings as far as I know).
    9thx my edits! 12:50, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• You mention no impacts outside of Madagascar, but this source says rainfall occurred on Reunion. You might want to check for more impacts in Reunion and Mauritius, since they're close to Madagascar.
  •  Done. Added impacts on Reunion per source and Mauritius (Infos Plus Gabon).
    9thx my edits! 12:38, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "Many schools and 19 health facilities were destroyed by the storm, while 123,244 people were "severely" impacted by Ava." - it's odd having "many" schools listed next to 19 health facilities - is there an exact number of schools destroyed? Also, what does it mean to be severely impacted?
  • 9thx my edits! 12:09, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
    • Still, what does this mean "123,244 people were directly or indirectly impacted by Ava"? ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:45, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
      • 9thx my edits! 02:43, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
        ]
• The Ambatovy mine, one of the world's largest sources of nickel and located in a rainforest around 200 km (124 miles) away from the city was shut down from operation due to "extensive damage to facilities and equipment" - why the quote? Who said the quote? Is there any way to word it so you're not copying exact material from the source?
  • 9thx my edits! 12:01, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "Impacted towns by Cyclone Enawo which devastated similar areas 10 months ago were even further damaged by Ava, and more than 100,000 people were displaced in total from the 2 cyclones." - this is a bit odd grammatically. Also, you already mentioned the 50,000 people homeless from Ava. Further, you said in the lead that Ava was the first storm to hit the area since 2012. So the organization of the article is a little off.
  • 9thx my edits! 13:09, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "Response to Ava began in March" - really? The response didn't begin immediately after the storm? (like usual) How come?
  • 9thx my edits! 11:53, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "Eventually, Severe Topical Storm Eliakim impacted the same areas in March yet again." - this should be in aftermath, when you mention the storm.
  •  Done.
    9thx my edits! 05:12, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "Thousands of people contributed to distributing basic needs such as water, small meals and medicines, with $20,729,561 USD being contributed in total, while these goods were brought to thousands of different effected citizens.[" - this sentence is a bit of a mess. You mention thousands of people twice, and you never say where the money was contributed to/from. Also, it should be "affected", not "effected". And really did only citizens receive the aid?
  • 9thx my edits! 13:09, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• Could you fix the capitalization in the refs? The all-caps is distracting.
  •  Done. I could have been using AWB for this one.
    9thx my edits! 14:19, 9 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]

The article is a decent start, worthy of being C-class, as it's generally written pretty well, and it's well-sourced. I appreciate there being French sources. I feel like the article needs more. I'll leave it on hold, as the article could be fixed up within a week, but there are some substantial issues that need to be addressed. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:18, 25 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@

9thx my edits! 13:09, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply

]

• Be consistent with the dates, whether it's Day Month or Month Day.
  • 9thx my edits! 00:57, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "although the full span of damage is still unknown. " - what's the source for this? There's a damage total.
  • 9thx my edits! 00:57, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "The disturbance gradually drifted southwest being consistently monitored by Meteo France La Réunion (MFR), before intensifying to a moderate tropical storm on January 3. " - the sentence structure could be better. Don't forget to link to MFR. Perhaps start with "Monitored by Meteo France La Reunion, the disturbance drifted southwest, before intensifying..."?
  •  Done as you suggested.
    9thx my edits! 01:17, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• " Ava drifted south afterwards with little change in strength; then among favorable conditions near the coast of Madagascar would then rapidly intensify to tropical cyclone intensity by early on January 5, shortly before making landfall in eastern Madagascar and weakening back down to a moderate tropical storm as it pummeled the region with rainfall and flooding. " - this should be split into two sentences, it's a lot
  •  Done. Splitted.
    9thx my edits! 02:52, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "In addition, the impacts of the seasonal monsoon which already brought periods of heavy rain and flash flooding in portions of the country were worsened following Ava's passage." - could you reword? The ordering seems a bit off.
  • 9thx my edits! 09:24, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• The opening MH sentence, you say "over the basin" twice.
  • 9thx my edits! 00:57, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• Spell out MJO
  •  Done.
    9thx my edits! 00:57, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• Link JTWC on its first usage. Also, be consistent whether you abbreviate it or not.
  •  Done. Linked and abbreviated the second one.
    9thx my edits! 01:09, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• " Further observations from scatterometer data suggested the system's center was no longer elongated, and the system was upgraded further to a tropical depression the next day." - don't use "further" twice in the same sentence
  • 9thx my edits! 01:09, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• At the end of the first MH paragraph, you mention the storm being "Ava" before it was named
  • 9thx my edits! 00:57, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• What is ASCAT?
  •  Done. Advanced Scatterometer.
    9thx my edits! 01:09, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• The JTWC never called it "Tropical Storm 03S". Please double-check the source.
  • 9thx my edits! 01:09, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "though no wind gusts are recorded" - why present tense?
  • 9thx my edits! 01:09, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "Ava caused damages within agricultural sector" - that's a bit awkward of wording
  •  Done. Reworded it.
    9thx my edits! 01:40, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• What are the red alerts issued in Madagascar?
  •  Done. I removed yellow alerts tidbit and instead fully explain these red alerts mean.
    9thx my edits! 01:40, 17 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]
• "Thousands of people contributed to distributing basic needs such as water, small meals and medicines, with $20,729,561 USD being contributed (in total from nutrition, health, WASH, education, social protection, child protection and cluster coordination sectors), all of which were brought to meet the needs of children and their families." - you use "contributed" twice, and the sentence is rather long. It looks like it was copied out of a specialized report. Remember that everything on Wikipedia has to be written in the writer's own words, otherwise it's a copyright violation. Try rewriting this in your own words, maybe by splitting the sentence.
  •  Done. Completely rewritten to two sentences that was supported by the source. To be clear, there is no copyvio.
    9thx my edits! 08:49, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
    ]

The article is getting there but there are still some issues. ♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 15:45, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

• @
  9thx my edits! 10:47, 19 December 2020 (UTC)[reply
  ]