Talk:Erling Folkvord/GA1

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Reviewer: Arsenikk ^(talk) 13:46, 23 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've done a fair bit of copyediting. In addition to removing a few grammatical abnormalities and removin some Norwenglish, I have shortened down some sections simply because there are a lot more efficient ways of saying the same thing. For instance, the lead now says exactly the same thing, but says the most important information first, and uses less words.

•  Done There is a fair bit of overlinking. Things like Oslo and national convention are probably linked ten times.
•  Done Don't put a comma between the month and year if there is only a month and a year.
•  Done Possesive has an ' (e.g. Folkvord's pie)
•  Done Ankara, not Ancara
•  Done You can't say the most important of these polls was Aftenposten's, and then cite it to aftenposten.
•  Done Find a new header instead of "Late 90s-2003 election". Use an endash and the full 1990s, but an accurate date would be a lot better.
•  Done What was the total result in the 1999-election?
•  Done I presume RV elects their leaders, instead of the incumbent appointing their successor?
•  Done '1990s', not '90s'.
•  Done Semicolons seem to consequently be used incorrectly, and in most instances should be replaced with a colon.
• Is it really the national convention that appoints Oslo RV's top candidate?

Landsmøte -> National Convention? --TIAYN (talk) 15:59, 23 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The translation is fine. It was just that it is common that the annual meeting in the county appoint the MP candidates for their county. Of course, since RV only has a chance at two seats, they may have a different policy. Just trying to make sure things are correct. Arsenikk ^(talk) 16:25, 23 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

•  Done Don't force image sizes.
•  Done What was the result of the 2007 election for RV?
•  Done Perhaps add a note that Dahle runs for Hordaland.
•  Done what was the result of the 2009 election for RV?
•  Done There is probably a better article to link 'Turkish government forces' to than Turkey.
• Why on earth does "Social Agencies Union" link to Erling Folkvord.

Un-notable organization with no news coverage as i can see, he is the leader and the only notable member as i know of, so...

•  Done "Corruption", "humanity", "illegal" and "watch dog" are all dismabiguation pages.
•  Done Utdannignsforbundet translate to Union of Education Norway.
• How can Jorunn Folkvord be a 'prominent' member of RV/AKP if she isn't even a politician?

She was a member of the two, and an active member. She was also the leader of RU. This is what the sources say.

 Done With prominent, I would have interpreted it as one of the top three-four figures of the party for a longer period of time. Since this is rather vague (and a

weasel word, it is best to not use it. Arsenikk ^(talk) 16:25, 23 January 2010 (UTC)[reply

]

I am placing the article on hold. For you next nomination, I would expect the article to have less overlinking. Also try to remember to use 's for possessive. In addition, I would have liked to see more about the four years he was in parliament, which should have been his climax. There is no discussion about what he did or took up during those four years. Also, please take a good look at the diff of my copyedit. There are a lot of style and grammar issues that need to be improved (learning by doing etc.) Arsenikk ^(talk) 13:46, 23 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

• For a good article I think his authorship should be covered better. He has written quite many books. It doesn't belong in the "personal life" section. Geschichte (talk) 22:53, 23 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

i'll fix it... --TIAYN (talk) 10:48, 24 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'm still working on it. --TIAYN (talk) 17:42, 28 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I won't comment on any other part of the article, but still, what has his authorship got to do with his family? Geschichte (talk) 21:32, 29 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

 Done --TIAYN (talk) 22:55, 29 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The article is now passed. Arsenikk ^(talk) 16:11, 30 January 2010 (UTC)[reply]