Talk:Grenade (song)/GA2

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Reviewer: Calvin999 (talk · contribs) 10:03, 4 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I'm Calvin999, and I am reviewing this nomination.

• One dab link
• One connection issue
• Apply the flat list to the format and record label parameter boxes as you have done so with the writer and genre parameters, for consistency
• There's a debate over the difference between singer-songwriter and singer and songwriter. Mars doesn't do everything by himself, so I would write 'singer and songwriter'
• I'd omit 'producer' too, because it's too much detail
• A Pop and → Pop shouldn't be capitalised
• Link pop and R&B
• "Grenade" was produced by Mars' production team The Smeezingtons, who also co-wrote the song with Brody Brown,
  Ari Levine) with additional songwriting by Brody Brown, Claude Kelly, and Andrew Wyatt
  .
• , despite his best efforts. → to...?
• I think the lead needs streaming, the last two paragraphs in particular read like list of hard facts with no flow or continuity. I think four paragraphs is too much for an article of this size, and could easily be condensed down to three paragraphs.
• Grenade was written by The Smeezingtons, Brody Brown, Claude Kelly and Andrew Wyatt, with production helmed by The Smeezingtons. → Reads a bit clunky, try using my suggestion above instead.
• The two paragraphs beginning "In the same interview," and "Elektra Records released" could be made just one paragraph.
• throughout an iTunes Store-exclusive → Use of 'throughout' doesn't make sense
• The Background and conception section and the Production and writing section are quite heavily reliant on the use of quotes.
• What is the point of including the audio sample? The description "An 18-second sample of the chorus of "Grenade"." isn't good enough as it's not telling the listener what it is.
• Why is the first paragraph of the Critical sub-section so large and the second so small? It's looks a bit unbalanced.
• So far the song has sold over 10,8 million digital copies worldwide. → Shouldn't be in Accolades, this is a chart fact. The use of 'So far' is not encyclopaedic
• Again, for both sub-sections of Chart performance, the paragraphs look really unbalanced. I don't see the point of a single sentence paragraph, either.
• The Australian Nabil Elderkin, → Omit 'The Australian'
• who previously worked with artists such as The Black Eyed Peas, Kanye West and John Legend, → Irrelevant
• Mars made a musical appearance → Did he enter the stage singing and dancing? Omit 'musical'. Watch out for little thing like this, it doesn't read good.
• new single “Grenade”". → There's a double use of quotation marks here. (Same in ref 97 and ref 125)
• Make the Track listing section two columns
• All the chart tables need to have the shaded column, like how the Certifications table does.
• Same for the release tables
• Neither of the two sources given explicitly say "Grenade" is a pop or R&B song. The first says neither, and the second is a music sheet which says it has a pop style and R&B style. You need a critic to says "the pop song" or "Grenade is a an R&B track"
• Ref 2: Link Spin
• Ref 7: Link Amazon
• Ref 11: ASCAP, not Ascap
• Ref 63 and 74 are missing dates and access dates. Look for other omissions.

Regarding these refs, the websites don't provide date.MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:30, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

That's fine, but as long as you include the date you accessed it.  — Calvin999 17:11, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Done. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:40, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

• There's inconsistency in the formatting of references in places. For example. iTunes is formatted different in ref 8 to ref 95.
• You need to so through all the refs and check for errors.

Outcome

There are quite a lot of issues here that need sorting, and I haven't even given an exhaustive list. But you should be able to work on these quite quickly, as they are lots of little things. On old for 7 days.  — Calvin999 13:24, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

• I'll begin sorting these issues out. When I finish I will let you know. Thank you for reviewing. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:58, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Okay.  — Calvin999 15:49, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
    • I have addressed all the issues but one. I was hoping to get more information regarding this point "All the chart tables need to have the shaded column, like how the Certifications table does", if I put them in a shaded colummn, all the countries become bold". Can you show me an example of how it is intended to do? Thank You. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 16:58, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
      • Have a look at "Man Down (song)"  — Calvin999 17:11, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
        • Thank You. All the issues you have listed so far have been addressed. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:40, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Now gladly passing as a Good Article.  — Calvin999 18:06, 9 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]