Talk:Jason Heyward/GA1

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer:

• I don't detect any copyvios and the images have appropriate licensing. Consider adding a caption to the one that is not captioned.
  • Captions added. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 22:51, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• Looking at the GA Toolbox, Checklinks shows some problems with dead external links and at least one link (AJC) that doesn't end up at the article.
  • I searched for some dead links, but so far have not found any. Is checklinks a tool I can use? I searched for it also, and the GA toolbox, but did not see those, either. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 18:25, 7 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• I'm a little concerned about
  original research
  or assertions that are inconsistent with the cited sources. Before we begin a section-by-section review of the writing, can we ensure that all of the cited facts are really supported by the sources? Here are some examples:
  • In the early life section, there is confusion about the youth sports he played. The article says he was good at every sport he tried, but the point of the source was that he only liked baseball. The article later says that he continued to play basketball in high school; the source says he briefly played basketball but that he played only baseball in high school.
    • Clarified. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 22:51, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the 2010 Braves section, fourth paragraph, that sentenced is supported, but it's
    close paraphrasing
    .
    • I modified the sentence about the thumb injury; is that the one you are talking about? Elcid.ruderico (talk) 02:27, 5 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the 2011 section, his Cardinals MLB.com profile doesn't currently reflect a shoulder injury or an MRI.
    • I substituted another source. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 02:27, 5 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Same section, the source doesn't support that he came back from the DL with a visibly altered swing; it posits that he might have lost some power to drive the bat through the swing.
    • I changed the wording to reflect losing power to drive the ball. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 02:27, 5 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Same paragraph, I don't think the cited source supports overcompensating for pain.
    • I took out that sentence. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 02:27, 5 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • In the skills profile, second paragraph, the source only supports comparisons to Aaron and Pujols, not any of the other players or additional commentary.
    • The other three players are sourced earlier in the article, so there I referenced The New Yorker source from the Early life and amatuer career section. I left in the assertion about the subject's similarities of attributes, including size, build, and athleticism, because, as far as I can tell, the source thus demonstrates. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:59, 7 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

That's all of the sourcing issues I see at the moment. Will stop there for tonight.

No problem. It looked like you had been away for a few days. No worries. Thank you for your work on the article so far.

Talk) 17:02, 25 May 2015 (UTC)[reply

]

Now, with some time freed up, I've also made modifications throughout the article. Career stats are now current. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 22:51, 31 May 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

• Since the review began, an editor changed his middle name to Alias and added a note that Adenolith was just a rumor. I notice that BR and MLB.com now reflect a middle name of Alias. We probably just need to remove the SB Nation ref after the name. SB Nation is sometimes seen as a questionable source anyway.
  • I removed the reference about Adenolith. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 01:26, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• Place quotes around the nicknames. The nicknames should be mentioned and sourced later in the article.
  • Quotation marks are in. "The J-Hey Kid" nickname is sourced in The New Yorker "The Rainy Season" article. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 01:26, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

• Last sentence of second paragraph should be "all listed" instead of "both listed" since there are three sources.
  • Modified. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 01:26, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and amateur career

• I would just clean up the stuff about Adenolith/Alias.
  • Edited out the reference about the middle name and Jon Bois' Google search. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 01:26, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

• I would take out the stuff about his father and having fun. There's no way to really know how the kids "always" answered and it's just not encyclopedic. You can substitute a sentence about Heyward identifying his father as an influence on his youth baseball involvement (or something like that).
  • Modified this. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 01:26, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Minor Leagues

• Heading should have a lowercase L.
  • Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 01:26, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

• In the first paragraph, you give the full team name for the GCL Braves, but only the city for Danville. I would use the same style for both.
  • Modified for style. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 01:26, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

• I would put a reference at the end of the first paragraph.
  • Ref added. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 01:26, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply]

To be continued...

Thank you for addressing these points. In the GA Toolbox on this review page, the link to Checklinks is actually titled "External Links". It is near the upper right corner of this review page. It will show you a list of all of your external links in the article, several of which are highlighted in red right now, indicating that the URLs have changed or are dead.

Talk) 01:39, 17 June 2015 (UTC)[reply

]

Links recheck: Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

1. 20 – Title:Top 100 Prospects: No. 1−20 – Publisher: Baseball America — This link is still good. However, the site takes a while to access, so the link finder shows an error.
2. 22 – Jason Heyward, of – Publisher: Baseball America — Same as #20. Same domain.
3. 41 – The Hall of Very Good — Swapped out for an MLB.com article.

Minor leagues (cont'd)

• There are some problems with
  MOS:ACRO
  involving switching back and forth between the full term Baseball America and the acronym BA. Either use the full term throughout, or use Baseball America (BA) the first time and just BA every time after that. The full term might just be better since BA might also suggest batting average.
  • ∆ BA → Baseball America. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

• In the third paragraph of the Myrtle Beach section, it mentions lefties and righties. For encyclopedic purposes, I would stick with the formal terms like left-handed pitchers.
  • ∆ lefties and righties → LHP and RHP. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Atlanta Braves

• Spring training should be lowercase
  • Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• No comma in March 2010
  • Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• Major League by itself isn't uppercase - maybe use MLB instead
  • Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• There is more inconsistency with MOS:ACRO here.
  • I looked for this, and found it (I think) with National League and NL in 2010. Is there anything else that needs to be addressed? Elcid.ruderico (talk) 18:10, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• Fourth para - launching 10 home runs - use a more neutral term like "hitting"
  • Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• I'm a little unclear on the 2010 thumb injury. Did he just skip the ASG or did he miss regular season time too?
  • Clarified that he missed playing time in 2010. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• I'm not sure that the mention of Posey in the 2010 NLDS section is really relevant.
  • Deleted this part. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• "Heyward's 2011 and second MLB season" - pick 2011 or second, no need for both.
  • Deleted "2011." Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• "that was not Atlanta's final go-ahead run in this game" - you can probably take this out to simplify
  • Done. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:48, 11 July 2015 (UTC)[reply]

To be continued.

This review completely slipped my mind, but I hope to take a look at the rest of it by this weekend.

Talk) 11:38, 23 July 2015 (UTC)[reply

]

EricEnfermero, it's been over two more weeks; this really needs your attention now. Your review here will be three months old in another seven days; I hope you can finish before then. Thanks. BlueMoonset (talk) 18:12, 10 August 2015 (UTC)[reply

]

No sweat. It happens – I've been busy too. Thanks for keeping up with it! Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:09, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

• Third paragraph - an magnetic - change to "a magnetic"
  • Changed. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:09, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• Could unlink injection or criticism, and maybe even shoulder, to avoid a "sea of blue" in this section.
  • Fixed. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:09, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• "Heyward returned from the DL with possible increased difficulty to drive the ball while batting." - Unclear to me - was it possible difficulty (probably not worth mentioning) or actual difficulty?
  • The article does mention increased difficulty driving the ball after the shoulder injury. I don't know why I added "possible" earlier but I deleted this word. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:09, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• "the Braves were all but confirmed of another playoff appearance as the NL wild card leader" - can we simplify this by saying they were leading the NL wild card race?
  • Simplified. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:09, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• In 2012, the part about Hammel's one-hitter is redundant: Braves' only hit, one-hit CG shutout - take one of those out.
  • Done.Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:09, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• Ref missing for 28th in 2012 MVP voting.
  • Ref added. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:09, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• In the part about the broken jaw, beginning and began are awkward in the same sentence. Also consider placing the part about the two plates next to the part about surgery.
  • Modified. Should be a lot smoother now. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:09, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

St. Louis Cardinals

• "Andrew Wilmot, who had also died" - could do without "who had also died" since it was previously explained.
  • Removed. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 17:43, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Skills profile

• It seems like a stretch to compare Mays, Aaron and Heyward in size. Mays and Heyward have a 7" height discrepancy.
  • I removed the mention of the other players and focused more on the early expectations surrounding Heyward. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:46, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• I think we can unlink journalist since it's a common profession.
  • Unlinked. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:46, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
• "Another factor that may have encumbered Heyward in realizing his potential as a hitter is a hole in his swing that has yet to resolve." - Try starting this sentence with "A hole in Heyward's swing may have..."
  • Changed it. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:46, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Once we get these things addressed, I may make some copyedits to optimize the phrasing and then I think we'll be able to pass this. I feel like I am already giving you enough to do, so I did not want to quibble over every tiny phrasing issue.

• • Awesome! Some could still be fixed I am sure. Elcid.ruderico (talk) 19:46, 17 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your patience!

The entry certainly meets GA criteria now. Great work on a comprehensive entry covering a popular player. The sourcing alone required an astounding level of work to get to this point. Thanks for your work!

Talk) 03:16, 18 August 2015 (UTC)[reply

]