Talk:Marmaduke–Walker duel/GA1
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Reviewer: Zawed (talk · contribs) 08:02, 1 November 2021 (UTC)
I'll take this one. Comments to follow in next couple of days. Zawed (talk) 08:02, 1 November 2021 (UTC)
Oops, sorry, took a bit longer than anticipated to get to this. Pretty tight and tidy, comments as follows: Lead
- ...friends resulted in a duel, which resulted in Walker...: suggest rephrasing so as to avoid the repeated usage of "resulted"
- Done
Background
- where he was wounded. While this wound caused him...: suggest rephrasing to avoid close usage of wound. How about "where he was wounded. This cause him..."
- Done
- Marmaduke's report blamed Walker on his failure to capture the his objective.: "the objective" or "his objective"?
- Removed the "the"
The duel
- and sent the cavalry forces of both Marmaduke and Walker to observe and interfere with Union movements.: suggest tweaking this to emphasise that they were working independently at this point. I think that would better set up the fact that Marmadule was placed under Walker's command later on.
- Tweaked
- and left Marmaduke's men alone; Marmaduke came close to capture as a result.: perhaps replace alone with isolated? Suggest rephrasing to drop the second instance of Marmaduke here, his name is mentioned three times in one sentence.
- Rejigged
- burned the bridge of the Bayou Meto River.: bridge of or bridge across?
- Across. Corrected
- Walker neither came nor replied. Angered by Walker, Marmaduke...: suggest "Walker neither came nor replied, which angered Marmaduke. He..."
- Done
- planning to resign if not transferred;: suggest "planning to resign if his request was declined;"
- Done
- Either Walker[16] or Crocket: Not sure this is the best phrasing. Presumably the sources aren't clear on who made and received the actual challenge. I suggest something like: It is not clear whether their respective intermediaries were involved in passing it on, but Walker issued a challenge for a duel which was accepted by Marmaduke, despite... " and then have cites 16 and 17 at the end of the sentence.
- I've reworked this here significantly
Sources
- place of publisher for Welsh?
- Added (Kent, Ohio)
Other stuff
- Dupe links: Theophilus Holmes, brigade, second (duel)
- Removed these
- Image tags look OK.
- I've actually strengthened the licensing for the Walker image by providing better proof of publishing before 1926
- Not a GA issue, but I notice this is only in a couple of cats; can it be placed in a few more?
- Done, I've had difficulties coming up with cats for this one
Looks good otherwise. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 10:06, 6 November 2021 (UTC)