Talk:Melissa Perrine/GA1

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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 17:10, 9 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take up this review as part of the chain of Paralympians submitted in past few days. I mainly focus on copy editing issues. Given the size of these articles the GAR itself should not take too long so I will leave down some initial comments on these articles within 48 hours. Thanks! ☠ Jaguar ☠ 17:10, 9 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose quality:

   B.

   lists

   :

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A.

   References to sources

   :

   It is well referenced.

   B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4. Is it
   neutral
   ?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have

   fair use rationales

   :

   B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with

   suitable captions

   :

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

Initial comments

Lead

• The lead in this article summarises the whole article and the prose is in good standing. It complies per
  WP:LEAD
  and the GA criteria.

Personal

• "Perrine was born on 21 February 1988, and is from Welby, New South Wales" - this isn't quite clear, was she born in Welby or did she grow up/live there?
  • Y She was born in Nowra, NSW. Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:37, 19 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]
• "In 2007, the Wingecarribee Council area named her their Young Australian of the Year. She was a student in 2010." - she was a student where?
  • Y No, that is where she lives. She is a student at the Australian Catholic University. Added this too. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:37, 19 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Career

• "Her poor performance was because she was not following her guide like she should have, She did not finish in the super combined." - this sentence isn't grammatically great, there shouldn't be a comma there! How about Her poor performance was because she did not follow her guide like she should have. She did not finish in the super combined event
  •  Done Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:45, 19 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]
• "She also earned a pair of bronze medals in the women’s vision impaired Super Combined and super-G events" - is 'a pair' referring to two bronze medals?
  •  Done Yes, that is what a pair is. You may have wondered how they can be bananas if they're a pair. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:45, 19 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]
    • That was very embarrassing! I have no idea why I asked what a pair was referring to. I can't remember why. Can we both pretend to forget this? :) ☠ Jaguar ☠ 21:46, 20 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]
• "She was disqualified after the slalom leg of the Women's Super Combined for wearing a visor, which was taped to her helmet, to keep rain from her goggles." - how about She was disqualified after the slalom leg of the Women's Super Combined for wearing a visor which was taped to her helmet in order to keep rain from her goggles.
  •  Done Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:45, 19 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

On hold

Other than those minor prose issues, this article is generally in good standing and would have a great chance of passing the GAN if all of those issues have been addressed to. I'll put this on hold for at least seven days until they have been clarified. I've reviewed a lot of these Paralympian articles and I know that it shouldn't take long! Thanks, ☠ Jaguar ☠ 22:58, 13 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

• All issues addressed. Hawkeye7 (talk) 23:45, 19 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Close - promoted

The article is in excellent shape. Put quickly, the lead, all sections and the prose all meet the GA criteria. Thank you for addressing all of those points above. I'll promote this to GA right away. Looks like another Paralympian who got a gold in another GAN! ☠ Jaguar ☠ 21:48, 20 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]