User:Herostratus/Guidelines for uploading photographs

This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous. Such material is not meant to be taken seriously.

This page in a nutshell: Thinking of uploading a photograph? Think again, Chuckles.

Wikipedia welcomes contributions of photographs from editors. However, to be sure that the image is acceptable under our copyright policies, you need to follow the procedures in this guideline.

NOTE: before uploading any images, don’t forget to take the simple precaution of passing the bar exam of your native state, province, or country.

General rule

To meet Wikipedia guidelines, you must have taken the photograph yourself and be willing to relinquish the copyright on the photograph and on all other photographs you may take, ever. If you are even thinking of uploading a photograph taken by someone other than yourself, consider yourself banned from Wikipedia, effective immediately.

Photographs of living people

If the photograph contains images of any living person (or persons):

• If the person (or persons) is not a friend, relative, or acquaintance, then you need to:
  1. Ask yourself: do I really want to be known as the type of person (or persons) who goes around taking pictures of strangers? Think about this.
  2. Get a signed release from the person (or persons).
  3. Do not upload the photograph.
• If the person (or persons) is (or is not) a friend, relative, or acquaintance, then you need to:
  1. Be sure that the photograph has not captured their soul.
  2. Can you prove this?
  3. Do not upload the photograph.

Photographs of dead people

Ewwwwwww. Nobody wants to look at a picture of a corpse. That's just gross.

Other photographs

If the photograph does not contain images of any person (or persons)

• What good is it? Who needs a picture of just some stuff?
• If you want to upload the picture of the stuff anyway, you first need to ascertain:
  1. Does the picture contain any images of buildings? If so, do you have a signed release from the architect, builders, owner, and residents of the building,and everyone who has ever seen the building? If not, do not upload the photograph.
  2. Does the picture contain any images of water, trees, rocks, or other natural materials? If so, do you have a signed release from God? If not, do not upload the photograph.
  3. Regardless, do not upload the photograph.

Certain restrictions apply

For all photographs, you must of course have a signed release from George Kodak, the inventor of photography. Also, unless you made your camera yourself (starting with raw iron ore), the copyright resides with the camera manufacturer.

In summary: If you are even thinking of uploading a photograph, you should instead destroy all copies of the photograph and go hide under your bed and wait for the Thought Police.