User talk:Abryhiaaa/sandbox

Hi Abryhia, Great start! Nawal El Saawdawi seems like a really cool person. When you talk about Sadat claiming the government was a democracy and 'all for the people' the wording sounds a bit awkward. You might want to say 'a democracy for the people' or just a democracy. The third sentence is a bit long. You may want to add a period. The final sentence about Sadat does not sound neutral, and it sounds pretty biased against Sadat. Nonetheless, your contribution was great I know it will turn out well. Good luck! — Preceding unsigned comment added by NikeaBanks (talk • contribs) 19:42, 23 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

NikeaBanks (talk) 19:58, 23 April 2020 (UTC)NikeaBanks[reply]

Hi Abryhia,

It looks good so far. the structure/ flow of it seems a bit broken though. It might work better if you make the third sentence the start of your addition, something like... While Sadat claimed that the established government–, and then follow that with the reasons Nawal says he imprisoned her. The last sentence does sound a bit too biased. You can probably just leave it off.

Lrichar (talk) 17:06, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]