User talk:Barborale/sandbox

I really like this section and how you used a lot of links and citations. The only thing I would say is to check over your sentence structure. I would make sure that each sentence flows nicely and that certain sentences are not too long. For example, in the first sentence, I think there is an unnecessary comma in it. Also, there may be some sentences that might seem a little bit wordy to the reader. Otherwise, I think you did a great job explaining the event and what happened to the five women. Montananelson (talk) 17:35, 31 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I like that this section has a lot of citations and links to other articles, and that it's organized. I think some of the sentences could be edited for clarity, such as the last sentence. Were all those signatures acquired before their release or is that the current number? Some sentences can be edited so they are shorter. For the future, I think more content can be added for background on how the Feminist Five formed. Overall, this section is a great start and has a good amount of information. Mtatherton18 (talk) 20:29, 31 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Your section starts with a clear description of the Feminist Five and explains it well without going into excessive detail. This was missing from the original Wikipedia article, so it was a good idea you did this. I think to strength your section, even more, you should frame the importance of the Feminist Five in a feminist lens and how it impacted a movement. Overall, this is a great start and includes informative and relevant content. rebxlee (talk) 20:29, 31 March 2019 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by 161.253.105.190 (talk) [reply]

You forgot some capitalizations in a few of your phrases, and I'm not sure if you really need to include the ages of the women specifically because it makes the sentence really long. "Everybody, except for five women" is also a little awkward in terms of sentence structure. Caranlee (talk) 14:29, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I think your descriptions are great and I love how you used links often. The first sentence kind of runs on a little bit and I think you could articulate it in a different way. Also, it kind of stands alone. Maybe you could drag it to the second paragraph or expand more on the first paragraph? --Ghurley1 (talk) 14:37, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Adding more detail about the hashtag campaign could be useful. What methods were used to get international support? You have lots of great information! Maddywright (talk) 14:40, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

This article would benefit from a picture. The information is really strong and that would really pull it together. Sallyfried (talk) 14:50, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The sentences in here sometimes get a little too long and hard to follow. Revising and working on some of the longer scentences would improve your paragraphs.Samwolff450 (talk) 14:52, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Adding a picture or drawing of the five young Chinese feminists would be helpful to the reader.1oromo (talk) 14:54, 3 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Good. I think article has good links and citations. "Everybody, except for, Li Maizi (birth name Li Tingting) (李婷婷) (30) , Wei Tingting (韦婷婷) (26), Zheng Churan nicknamed “Giant Rabbit” (郑楚然) (25), Wu Rongrong (武嵘嵘) (30), and Wang Man (王曼) (33), were released after a few days." I suggest: Most of the arrested were released within a few days of the incident. However, [all the names], were detained with authorities citing "suspicion of "Picking quarrels and provoking trouble" Small grammar errors like "over two million people have signed petitions" I think should be -had signed- capitalize all Chinese, At the end, I feel like it gets a little emotional especially with the last sentence. Mlazarus14 (talk) 19:56, 4 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Great content! The last sentence can be revised by saying "Although the women are no longer in prison, ...." to make the sentence flow more smoothly. Adding images of the women or a poster from the demonstration could be helpful to a reader as well. Charlieaabrams (talk) 18:13, 6 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

This is a very good start my one suggestion would be to put the more detailed parts of their description under different headers instead of directly under the intro of the article. Larainal (talk) 17:49, 7 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I think you did a good job. I think you should reword the second to last sentence and say, "although the women are no longer in prison...", since saying "Not in prison anymore" is a little awkward.Dmastronardi (talk) 18:22, 7 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I think you need to be clearer on why this was done and what they were trying to proveDougsitt (talk) 03:39, 10 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]