Wikipedia:Peer review/Margaret Abbott/archive1

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Margaret Abbott

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I've listed this article for peer review because I wish to take this to FAC. It is a relatively short, but comprehensive article. Little is known about this amazing woman with extraordinary achievement of being the first American woman to win an Olympics event! Feel free to comment prose, MOS, sources, etc. Thanks! – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 03:33, 13 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from EW

This looks to be in good shape; a few comments below.

  • Her victory was reported in the Chicago Tribune – I don't see this in either of the cited sources.
    • Shifted citation. It is not very explicitly stated in The Tribune article, but I think this image from the article should be good enough. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 10:56, 27 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • Writing for the Golf Digest in 1984 – remove "the"
  • moved to Boston – do we have a year for this?
  • Wikilink Chicago Golf Club
  • "Abbot" in footnote 4 needs another 't'
  • Usually "Olympic" and not "Olympics" would be the adjective form, so I'd remove the 's' in an Olympics champion, Olympics victory, etc. For your mother was an Olympics champion: this is a direct quote, and the source says "Olympic champion".
  • including Phillip Dunne – just one 'l'
  • The couple later settled in New York. – perhaps "settled in New York City", per the Rumore source?

I may have a few more comments later, but there's not much for me to nitpick here: it's a fascinating and well-written article about a fascinating person. I doubt you'll encounter any serious issues at FAC; ping me once you get there. Cheers! Extraordinary Writ (talk) 04:03, 25 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Extraordinary Writ: Thanks for the comments. I have tried to address them. Feel free to let me know of any other points. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 11:08, 27 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from TRM

  • "for studying art" -> "to study art"
  • "she, along with her mother, signed up" ->", along with her mother, she signed up"
  • "for the women's golf" "the" reads a little odd here for me, she signed up for "a" tournament, surely?
  • "47 strokes" non-experts may need this linked to a glossary of golf terms.
  • "Her father was a wealthy American merchant..." but her mother is notable enough for an article but isn't introduced here?
    • Well, my reasoning is that her mother is notable only because of her participation in the 1900 Olympics, the same reason why Abbott is notable too. I am not sure how to introduce her, very little is known about her. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 12:40, 4 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • Chicago Herald -> our article says it was called the Chicago Times at this time.
  • "Golf clubs allowed women to join only if they were accompanied by a man" this seems odd, was it really joining while accompanied or did they need to be married to join? Or could they play if accompanied by any man?
    • they could play if accompanied by any man. Fixed the wording. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 12:55, 4 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • " a "fierce competitor", and was known to have a "classy backswing"." I would expect this to be cited and attributed.
    • It is cited to Welch 1982, but it quoted in the source without attribution. I'm not sure how to attribute. Can you please advise? – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 12:59, 4 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Margaret studied art from" maybe an ENGVAR, does this mean those two artists actually taught her, or that she just studied work by those artists?
    • My bad, but a source says "with", another says "alongside". I corrected it and went with "alongside". – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 13:07, 4 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and equestrianism.[6] " why not link this to "equestrianism at the Olympic Games"?
  • "the 1900 Paris Exposition; many considered it overshadowed by the Paris Exposition." repetitive prose, would look to reword to avoid repeat.
  • "Golf Illustrated referred" link?
    • No article exists. Red linked.
  • "Many athletes did not know..." according to whom?
  • "She won[16] with a " no need for such awkward cite placement.
  • Threepeat of "with a score" is a bit jarring, maybe drop the middle one.

That's all I have from a first read. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 18:48, 1 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks a lot TRM for the comments. They are much helpful. Your response might me required at a few places above. Cheers. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 13:18, 4 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Gerda

I'll comment as I read, lead last. It seems too short, - she had a life beyonds sports ;) --Gerda Arendt (talk) 10:18, 6 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and TOC

  • fine, but I am not sure we need the full name differing in only 4 character, nor 4 lines for the different sources?
    • Well, the MOS requires full name to be repeated in the lead, first mention in the prose, and the "full name" section of i-box. I'm afraid I can't understand what you mean by "4 lines for the different sources". Can you please help? – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 15:20, 8 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
      • I hear about parameter full_name for the first time (so far only birth_name and other_names), so believe it must be optional. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 15:30, 8 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Early life

  • "Fierce competitor" - that quote should come with at least a ref if not an attribution, same for the other one in the same sentence
  • I try not to refer to women by just given name. Sometimes we can't avoid it, but instead of "Mary wrote ..." you could say "Her mother wrote ...".

Paris Olympics

  • image alt: I believe that telling the blind that here she competed in a long dress might be worthwhile ;)
  • "with many believing that it was overshadowed by the latter" - that sounds needlessly complex to me, - how about "and many believed ..."?

That's all. Quite short but what can do if we don't know more? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 10:40, 6 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks a lot, Gerda! Much helpful comments! I too which we had more information about this remarkable woman, but history is not fair to all, I'd say. We would have various full length biographies on her if people knew (in 1900) that she was the first American woman to win gold at Olympics. – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 15:23, 8 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
You are welcome. Best wishes for FAC, it's ready. --Gerda Arendt (talk) 15:30, 8 July 2022 (UTC)[reply]
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