Wikipedia:Peer review/SexyBack/archive1

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SexyBack

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to have suggestions be made for the song article to try and aim it to Feature article status. Any comments would be appreciated.

Thanks, --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 21:31, 11 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Seems to be fine in terms of content and refs (with one exception), but I think the language needs some work before it would pass FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement.

  • The last paragraph of the Video section needs a ref.
    • The summary of the music video doesn't need a source. Unless, I'm mistaken. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 16:51, 26 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • The alt text for File:Justin Timberlake ♫ SexyBack.jpg mentions white shirts three different times, which seems a bit much.
    • Removed.
  • Would File:Jtstpaul.jpg be useful in the article? It is from the tour after the album was released and he has the shaved head like the single cover
    • I was thinking of using the image, but it's not clear if he's performing the song. Also, I've seen first hand that they frown upon that sort of stuff, so.
  • OK, on to the language. I will give as many examples as I can, but this is not a full list - I think this needs a copyedit.
  • Lead In discussion of the song, Timberlake revealed that he went "left", in regards to going more rock in the way he sang the song.[1] might read better as something like Discussing "SexyBack", Timberlake revealed that he went "left", singing the song in a rock style, not a R&B style.[1]
    • Done.
  • The song received mixed reception by many contemporary critics. could be The song received a mixed reception from critics.
    • Done.
  • In the third paragraph, I would go from the most important chart and accomplishment to less well known stuff, so perhaps "SexyBack" became Timberlake's first number one single on the Billboard Hot 100, staying seven weeks at the top spot. It also topped several of Billboard magazine's other component charts, including the Billboard Pop 100, Hot Dance Airplay, and Hot Digital Songs charts, and entered the top ten on most singles charts. Internationally, it became Timberlake's first single to reach number one in the UK Singles Chart. In Australia, the track was Timberlake's second number one single, spending two consecutive weeks at the top.
    • Done.
  • Fourth paragraph - I think I would put the Australian and Canadian performance in the preceding paragraph, and start this one with the Grammy. Again, the Grammy is
    • Done.
  • This is just awkward - not sure how to fix it all: The music video was filmed in June 2006 and Timberlake's decision to work with director Michael Haussman was for the latter of his work in Madonna's 1994 music video "Take a Bow".[1] perhaps something like The music video was filmed in June 2006; Timberlake decided to work with director Michael Haussman based on the latter's work on Madonna's 1994 music video "Take a Bow".[1]
    • Done.
  • Another awkward one Within three weeks, "SexyBack" was one of several songs that were recorded.[5] I think this means "SexyBack" was one of several songs that were recorded in a three-week period.[5] but am not sure
    • The song, along with "My Love" and "Sexy Ladies", were the first songs created.
  • Why is the word "covering" in quotes in the lead, but not in the quote in the body of the article?
    • Paraphrasing, I guess.
  • OK, that gives you some idea of what needs to be fixed. I will try and make some more comments in the next day or so.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at

Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 03:16, 26 February 2010 (UTC)[reply
]

Thanks Ruhrfisch, I appreciate your comments. If there's any that I missed, please let me know. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 16:51, 26 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Legolas2186: What I find mostly is formatting issues with the article, which they tear off at FAC. The prose is quite good in my opinion. Here are my comments.

Infobox
  1. Writer and producer: Be consistent, either use their birth names or the common names.
I think I got this. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 18:07, 11 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. In infobox, internal wikilink redirects like See relese history should be avoided.
Removed.
  1. The certifications should use × and not x.
Done.
  1. Remove the word singles from the chronology, see "
    4 Minutes
    ", this is done because in the chrono, not everything is released by Timberlake. "Signs" and "Dick in a box" are not his singles.
Done, and added his last single and then then the song after "SexyBack".
  1. Remove the 4:00 radio edit. The timings are not significantly different. Its just 2 seconds.
Removed.
Lead
  1. Why not combine the first and the second paras? It would look more filled content wise.
IDK, I feel as though it should be like that.
  1. He described the song as musicians David Bowie and David Byrne "covering" James Brown's 1970 song "Sex Machine -> Rephrase, sounds like as Timberlake was describing the song, Bowie Byrne was covering it.
How 'bout, "His interpretation of the song was that of musicians David Bowie and David Byrne 'covering' James Brown's 1970 song 'Sex Machine'"?
  1. The song features -> Consecutive lines featuring the same phrase "the song"
I think I made a consistency, not sure.
  1. 3x platinum, 6x platinum --> Why not three-times and six-times?
Done.
  1. There's an issue of
    WP:OVERLINK
    in the CRIA, RIAA with the ones in infobox. Keep either one.
Done.
  1. A brief one-line description of the music video is needed.
I'll work on this.
Music and lyrics
  1. In the sample, mention the amount of time the sample is and the portion of the song used. this is for user's who don't have an Ogg player installed in their system, or phone.
Done.
Critical reception
  1. Why are the live performances in the critical reception section? Both the references cited has short descriptions of the performance, hence this can easily be made in to a new para.
Because creating a "Live performances" section, for me, would be difficult to describe.
Chart performance
  1. becoming the first male artist since Usher in 2004 to have three or more consecutive number one hits from one album --> Not exactly necessary for this article, rather suits in "What Goes Around".
Removed.
  1. weeks in the number one position --> weeks at the number one position
Done.
  1. 3x Platinum --> word
Done, and just one "3x Platinum" or the rest (Ex: 2x and 6x)?
Music video
  1. Looks absolutely fine, however, an image would have been helpful. Particularly the one where the explosion happens. That seems to be satisfying
    WP:NFCC
    .
Formats and tracklist
  1. Actually "Formats and tracklisting" is the correct word
Done.
  1. Although its not mandatory that the tracklisting should be referenced, but still, try to do so for sake of FAC. Also, use en-dash before the times.
Added dashes.
Charts
  1. Replace the references beside the chart names as per
    WP:CHARTS
    . At present, the arrangement doesnot work with the parameter "sortable".
Got the refs. to the charts, and I'm confused to what you're asking about the "sortable" thing.
  1. The internal wikilinks for the charts are re-directs in most cases.
I'll work on this later.
  1. Wikilink
    Swiss Music Charts
    to Swiss Singles Charts.
Done.
  1. aCharts.us doesnot show Turkey, remove that.
Removed.
Cover versions
  1. That infobox is really not needed as it is overlapping the sections, and Poison doesnot have any other single after "SexyBack".
It was there when I first began working on the article.
  1. Try moving up the section before tracklist, so that flow of prose is not broken.
  2. And remove the bulleting and make the content into a single flowing prose.
Done [on both].
References
  1. Ref 9. Musicnotes.com is to be made a treelink, check "4 Minutes"
Done.
  1. Online sources like Slant Magazine are not to be italicized.
Done.
  1. Check the publisher and accessdates, which are missing in most.
Not if the sources are "cite journal", since you can't really add an accessdate.
  1. WP:OVERLINK
    .
  2. Ref 65-71. All of them are Hung Medien references and has the same content in all of the pages. Hence combine them into one Hung Medien reference. Saves article space :-P
I'll work on both.
External links
  1. Only the official website will lead to
    WP:ELN
    . Hence add a link, which actually has something to do with the song, may be the music video link from MTV, or VH1 etc.
I had the MTV link but it wasn't working anymore.

These are my two cents regarding the article. Feel free to ping me if you are not sure of anything that I pointed out. Regards --Legolas (talk2me) 11:25, 11 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your input, Legolas, I think I've gotten your concerns, while the rest I'll work on that. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 18:07, 11 March 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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