Wikipedia:Peer review/SummerSlam (2000)/archive1

SummerSlam (2000)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it has a lot of content, and it may need peer revisions to be enhanced and in the future be nominated for GA.

Thanks,

• References in the "Results" section need to be changed, so instead of [25][3], it should be [3][25]. D.M.N. (talk) 18:02, 18 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • DONE--
    -X 20:02, 18 March 2008 (UTC)[reply
    ]

• Don't wikilink months/days when no year is present. Ex. September 4 should just be September 4, but it can also be written as September 4 1999. I think I fixed every time that happened, but it is a good thing to know for the future.
• "However" appears 28 times in the article. That's after I changed a few instances...you've got to think of a better word or change it up somehow. The repetition makes for a very boring read.
  • • I fixed the majority of it, is that better?
      -X 00:27, 20 March 2008 (UTC)[reply
      ]
• "Back and forth action" appears seven times. Same thing applies here.
  • • Do you have another phrase that could replace that?--
      -X 00:27, 20 March 2008 (UTC)[reply
      ]
• Some of your sentences run-on FOREVER. I tried to fix some of these, too, but there are so many places in the article where this happens. For example, the first sentence "On the August 3 edition of SmackDown!, Triple H and his wife, Stephanie McMahon, along with Kurt Angle, were booked in a Six-man tag team match by Commissioner Mick Foley, against the Dudley Boyz (Buh-Buh Ray Dudley and D-Von Dudley), which Triple H, McMahon, and Angle won, however, as Triple H left the ring, Angle and McMahon hugged in a victory celebration, which frustrated Triple H, thus the beginning of a Triple H-Angle feud." That could easily be broken down into two or even three sentences. Rule of thumb...if the sentence takes up more than two full lines, then it probably too long.
  • • I fixed some of them, are there any other more that I may have missed?--
      -X 00:27, 20 March 2008 (UTC)[reply
      ]
• Another thing that reads awkwardly is when it says something along the lines of "he performed ______ move into a pinfill, thus he won the match." It's too wordy. Saying "he performed _______ move into a pinfall to win the match" eliminates the extra clause. Fixing these instances will also help with the run-on sentence problem.

I have to go to a meeting in a few minutes, but I'll look over it again later and try to help some more with the awkward sentences. Nikki311 23:18, 19 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]

• • Well I think you got most of those, thank you.--
    -X 00:27, 20 March 2008 (UTC)[reply
    ]

• The howevers are much better now. A good phrases to use instead is "Despite this,...". That way you can mix it up.
• Instead of "back and forth action", you can just say "they fought" or "the two men fought until..." or "neither man had the upperhand until...". I hope this gives you some ideas.
• I finished cleaning up the run-on and awkward sentences for you. Take a look here to see the changes I made, which may help you avoid the same problem in the future.
• A problem I overlooked before is that some of the ref numbers are out of order. That needs to be fixed.
• Lastly, I think the article could benefit from at least one picture, if not more. The big blocks of text look daunting and might keep someone from reading the entire article or reviewing it, for that matter. Pictures make people happy.

Hope that helped. Nikki311 01:24, 23 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]