Talk:Baelor

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I just stumbled across this episode and noticed it had been promoted to GA. It's a very nice article, but there were a few things that stood out to me:

Lead

• " 'Baelor' is the ninth ... episode of ... Game of Thrones, first aired on June 12, 2011." This is ungrammatical, it needs something before "first". I'd suggest just making it a new sentence, "It first aired on June 12, 2011.", but I'm sure there are other alternatives.
• "written by the show creators" I'd change that to "written by the show's creators"
• "The plot of the episode depicts how Eddard Stark, imprisoned and accused of high treason, struggles with the decision whether to falsely confess in order to save his daughters." I'd change to "The plot depicts Eddard Stark, imprisoned and accused of high treason, struggling with the decision of whether to falsely confess to save his daughters."
• It would be nice to have some wikilinks in that second para
• "the main religious building in King's Landing where the episode's pivotal scene takes place" I'd add a comma between "King's Landing" and "where" to show that the pivotal scene was at the Great Sept, not just in King's Landing.
• "that is revered" --> "who is revered" as we are talking about a person
• "The episode was nominated for Emmy Awards for dramatic writing and for Peter Dinklage as best supporting actor in a drama series" This is a little confusing without punctuation, I'd suggest something like "The episode was nominated for two Emmy Awards: for dramatic writing; and for Peter Dinklage as best supporting actor in a drama series"
• "with Dinklage winning in the latter category for the first Emmy Award of his career" --> "with Dinklage going on to win first Emmy Award of his career"

Plot

• "Lord Tywin (Charles Dance) tells Tyrion" Would it be worth adding that Tyrion is Tywin's son?
• "he had married" the "had" is unnecessary
• "that Jaime and he had rescued" Again, would it be worth noting that Jaime is Tyrion's brother?
• "Tywin had discovered" Again, I'd remove "had" here
• "Catelyn negotiates on Robb's" Again, I'd suggest noting that he is her son
• "and Arya" --> "and his sister Arya"
• "to which Robb reluctantly agrees" --> "which Robb reluctantly agrees to" – not sure why, just feel more natural to me
• The next para needs to be more than one sentence. I'd suggest, "After crossing the river, Robb divides his forces, sending the aforementioned 2,000 men to distract Lord Tywin's army. Due to the false information Robb gave to a Lannister scout, Lord Tywin's force believes it is the whole Stark army. The remainder of Robb's men sneak up on Jaime Lannister's (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) army, defeating them and capturing Jaime."
• In order to avoid repeating "a sword", I'd change "a sword originally meant" to "which was originally meant"
• Do we not know which actor plays Maester Aemon?
• "explains to him that the reason" Remove "that"
• Would it be worth noting that Mirri Maz Duur is some sort of healer/witch?
• I'd remove "(Iain Glenn)" as this was noted only two paragraphs up
• "and orders everyone" Remove the "and" here
• This whole sentence, "Danerys has since gone into labor prematurely, and none of the Dothraki midwives will help her, believing her to be cursed.", doesn't feel quite right. I'd change it to "Danerys then goes into premature labor, and none of the Dothraki midwives will help her, believing that she is be cursed."
• "In desperation," is used twice in this para – it would be better if a synonym could be used instead
• "tells him if he" --> "tells him that if he"

Production

• "although the story" I'm not sure there's a contrast; I'd change "although" to "and"
• "in which she read a scene included in this episode with Shae meeting Tyrion in a tent" --> "in which she read the scene where Shae meets Tyrion in a tent"

Reception

• "keeping with the season's high" --> "equalling the season high"
• "Critical Response" --> "Critical response"
• I think the A.V. Club should be italicised
• Shouldn't Baelor have quote marks around it?
• "and David Sims found it 'terrific' and with a conclusion 'sure to blow the minds (and break the hearts)' of the watchers." --> "and David Sims found it 'terrific' and with a conclusion that would be 'sure to blow the minds (and break the hearts)' of the watchers."
• "was in the climactic final scene" --> "was on the climactic final scene"
• "Cultural Learnings Myles McNutt" Probably needs a comma there
• The Atlantic should be italicised
• "have tried to do" --> "had tried to do"
• "debate on" --> "debate about"
• "between Starks and Lannisters" --> "between the Starks and Lannisters"

I didn't feel comfortable making all these changes to what is a very good article, so hopefully when you get the chance you can look over my comments and implement the ones you agree with. Cheers, Jenks24 (talk) 09:20, 20 February 2012 (UTC)[reply]

The deletion of Westeros.org and the content it supports from this and other articles has been contested here. Darkfrog24 (talk) 02:25, 27 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

There is an RfC at Oathkeeper regarding whether the site Westeros.org meets the criteria for an expert

The RfC concerning Westeros.org was closed with the result that the value of the disputed text should be addressed separately. This RfC is meant to determine whether Game of Thrones episode articles should have a statement like "This episode was based on [specific chapters] of [specific book]" in the body text. (This article has one.[1]) The outcome of this RfC is likely to affect all Game of Thrones episode articles. Participation is greatly appreciated. Darkfrog24 (talk) 21:25, 28 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

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