Talk:The Creative Gene/GA1

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Reviewer: Rhain (talk · contribs) 00:27, 30 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Putting my hand up for this one. We're definitely lacking in coverage for video game books (especially non-fiction) so I'm glad to see so much love put into this one. Expect a review shortly. –

• 978-1974725915 → 978-1-974-72591-5 per WP:ISBN and template documentation
• sea of blue
  • Remove the link to
    MOS:OL
  • [[video game]] [[video game designer|designer]] → [[video game designer]]
• Add a comma after 2021 in the lead per
  MOS:DATE
• Kojima published in Japan — was it independently published by Kojima?

• I found a 2019 source from Game Watch that states
  Shincho Bunko
  published the Japanese version. Its sister site Impress Watch is reliable per VG/RS, so I assume it should be fine to use. Speaking of which, I also searched for extra sources these past few months, and recently came across a few more that could work for the article. I don't know how to incorporate them yet, so I'll place them in a Further Reading section for now. Perhaps if I ever decide to bring it to FAC, I'll try adding them fully.

• It doesn't seem like the "Further reading" refs include anything too vital, so the article will still pass
  WP:GA?#3 without them, but not a bad idea to take another look later. ☔

Everything else -  Done. PantheonRadiance (talk) 06:20, 4 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Premise and content

• humanity, while also revealing his → humanity and reveals his
• orbiting across → orbiting around, I think
• Japan's developing space program — consider linking Japanese space program
• Another essay in the book published in 2011 → Another essay, published in 2011,
• 2008 light novel Hankyu Densha from Japanese author Hiro Arikawa → Hiro Arikawa's light novel Hankyu Densha (2008)

• What about "Hiro Arikawa's 2008 light novel Hankyu Densha?" I kind of prefer that because it flows a bit better without parenthesis, but I can change it to your suggestion too.

• Yep, that works too! ☔

• Awesome! :)

• I'm not sure the title of the chapter is entirely necessary, especially as the rest of the paragraph essentially spells it out anyway, but I'll leave this to you

• Decided to omit chapter.

Everything else -  Done. PantheonRadiance (talk) 06:20, 4 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Background and development

• This section should definitely be moved before "Premise and content", since it introduces both Kojima and the book itself

• Hmm, I thought that book layouts usually go plot/premise → development → reception - at least that's what I assumed from reading other book-based articles. I'll probably keep it here for now but I'll be open to changing it later.

• That might work for some articles, especially about novels, but in this instance it seems far more logical to introduce the book's subject before discussing its content. Consider, for example, the FAs David Suzuki: The Autobiography, Gather Together in My Name, and Night. ☔

• Fair enough; I'll add it to the top after I work on the Reception section.

• Link Hideo Kojima in the text and image caption
• Consider linking
  video game designer
• Remove period from image caption per
  MOS:CAPTION
• most notable → notable
• Policenauts, Snatcher and the 2019 video game Death Stranding → and the games Policenauts, Snatcher and Death Stranding
• later that year → on October 12, and remove everything after the semicolon

Everything else -  Done. PantheonRadiance (talk) 06:20, 4 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Themes and style

• The first two sentences feel a little repetitive (connections between Kojima's favorite works of media and the events surrounding his life and reflections of Kojima's life and his sentiments towards various media). Consider rephrasing/combining

• Would "Through such interwoven reflections,..." work better for the second sentence?

• Great! Seems like a good way to connect the two sentences without repetition. ☔

• The first paragraph names Kojima 13 times. I understand this is likely for clarity's sake, but consider trimming a few
  • Barsanti asserted that Kojima's essay → Barsanti asserted that the essay
  • similar pattern with Kojima's essay on → similar pattern with the essay on
  • death of Kojima's father influenced Kojima's values → death of Kojima's father influenced his values
• There are some uses of "also" that could probably be dropped as well, but I'll leave this up to you
  • book also discusses → book discusses
  • Publications also commented → Publications commented
  • book also elaborate on → book elaborate on
  • while also describing → while describing
• Bewitched, Little House on the Prairie → Bewitched and Little House on the Prairie
• Punctuation in quotations should follow their original formatting per
  MOS:LQ
  • Japanese culture," elaborating → Japanese culture", elaborating
  • new things." → new things".
  • Dawkinsian," → Dawkinsian",

• Yep, this is a habit of mine I definitely need to break; I'm more used to the American style of placing punctuation inside quotes rather than out.

• Nothing wrong with that, generally speaking—it seems fairly common in most writing formats—just something to be mindful of on Wikipedia! ☔

• went on to state that → wrote or said
• Consider adding years in parentheses after some pieces of media – (2008) – like Taxi Driver and Metal Gear Solid 4
• Considering dropping the first half of the second paragraph's final sentence and changing the game to Death Stranding

• I also added that the article also mentions the Taxi Driver essay too - hope that's okay, but if not I'll omit.

• Looks good! ☔

• standpoint that involves the spread → standpoint involving the spread

Unless more edits are needed, I'm marking the above as  Done. PantheonRadiance (talk) 06:20, 4 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

• from various media outlets → from media outlets
• First sentence of both paragraphs need referencing

• Is it okay if I use refnotes here to state the outlets, a la this article's influences section (I know there are others but this is the only one that came to mind)?

• Of course, whatever formatting works for you! Personally, though, I'd just put around three relevant references at the end of the sentence—something like heartfelt nature of the book.^[1][2][3]. No need to name specific outlets in this instance, and no need to find new refs either (the ones used later in the paragraphs are suitable). ☔

• Fair enough; I actually decided to just go with your suggestion because I didn’t know what else to put in the notes besides references.

• Almost every sentence here has a quote; consider rephrasing and paraphrasing to avoid a
  WP:QUOTEFARM

• I'm going to be honest here - this was probably the hardest part of the article to revise for me, but I narrowed the number down to three quotes through rephrasing. I don't think it's the case, but I hope it doesn't read too much like close paraphrasing, and that my revisions still flow reasonably well.

• Yeah, reception sections are almost always tricky. I think you've done a fantastic job, though; most of your edits actually read better than the original quotes! It's a shame to lose Barsanti's "deeper appreciation" quote, but ultimately I think the section is improved with paraphrasing. ☔

• Thanks! Admittedly I did kind of feel bad for changing up his quote, but I suppose later on if I expand this section for FAC I might bring it back.

• The A.V. Club rated the book an A-, with Barsanti praising → The A.V. Club's Barsanti rated the book an A-, praising
• best known designers." → best known designers". per
  MOS:LQ
• Kunzelman gave praise to the book as well, feeling that the book → Kunzelman praised the book and felt it
• also asserting that → asserting that
• Stanton offered both praise and minor criticism for the book as well → Stanton similarly offered praise and minor criticism
• that they enjoy as well → that they enjoy
• Miyuki Miyabe, and Kazuo Umezz — I love the Oxford comma but this article otherwise avoids them so this should be removed
  for consistency
• Polis then propounded → Polis propounded
• Technology website Engadget ranked The Creative Gene as one of their favorite books of 2022, with writer Josh Dunn claiming → Engadget's Jeff Dunn ranked The Creative Gene among his favorite books of 2022, claiming

• Yeah, I have no idea how I wrote Josh instead of Jeff, must have slipped my mind (either that or I was thinking about Drake & Josh when I added it); thanks for fixing the citation! I also decided to move this to the first paragraph because in retrospect, it seemed more like a general quote offering praise rather than a quote about the appreciation of art that the second paragraph emphasizes.

• Good call! ☔

I think it's safe to say this section is  Done. PantheonRadiance (talk) 05:10, 5 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

References

• Almost all references are considered reliable or situational per
  WP:VG/S
  • The only reference not listed there is GamesHub, but I believe it is suitable, especially considering its author and usage here
• References are formatted correctly, and I couldn't find any gaps or errors upon spot-checking
  • Dunn, Josh → Dunn, Jeff
  • Italicise Death Stranding in ref 13, and The Creative Gene in 14
  • I've seen recent FACs mention that all ref titles should conform to the same case style (title- or sentence-case) per
    MOS:CONFORMTITLE
    , but that's more for FAC than GAN (and I've never done it before) so it's entirely up to you
• I got
  IABot to archive all references, and fixed
  the broken Paste URL

• File:The Creative Gene book cover.jpg is fair use, and appropriately tagged
• File:Hideo Kojima 20100702 Japan Expo 1 (cropped).jpg is a free image on Commons
• Consider adding
  alt text

Great work with this! It's really well written and referenced, and was a pleasure to read. All of my comments are fairly nitpicky, with several probably outside the scope of GA—most are personal suggestions that you're welcome to disagree with, and anything written like this is purely a personal suggestion that can be safely ignored without impacting the review. Putting this on hold for now, but I imagine this will gain a green plus before long. –

Rhain - Hey, I'm genuinely so sorry for ghosting you these past two days; I was busy with homework and other real life obligations. Unfortunately I still have some assignments I need to catch up on so I won't be able to work entirely on this until Saturday at the earliest, but I should be free pretty much after that, so I may finish implementing your suggestions hopefully by next Wednesday (the 6th)! Thank you so much for your feedback, PantheonRadiance (talk) 00:10, 1 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

No need to apologise! Take all the time you need—the review will still be here when you're ready. Good luck with your assignments! –

he/him) 00:13, 1 September 2023 (UTC)[reply

]

Thanks so much for all of your improvements! The article looks great; I don't have any remaining concerns. If you consider taking this to FAC, I would recommend adding

he/him) 05:31, 5 September 2023 (UTC)[reply

]