The Bed of Nails (Yes Minister)

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"The Bed of Nails"
Yes Minister episode
Episode no.Series 3
Episode 5
Written byAntony Jay
Jonathan Lynn
Produced byPeter Whitmore
Original air date9 December 1982 (1982-12-09)
Guest appearances
John Nettleton
Nigel Stock
David Rose
Robert East
Peter Dennis
David Firth
Episode chronology
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"The Bed of Nails" is the nineteenth episode of the BBC comedy series Yes Minister, first broadcast 9 December 1982, in which Jim Hacker unwisely accepts the role of 'Transport Supremo' with a view to developing a 'National Integrated Transport Policy' for the UK. It soon becomes apparent that opposition from various transport interests, the unions, and elements within the Department of Transport itself will make implementation impossible, and the policy is promptly ditched following a number of carefully calculated 'leaks'.

The episode has been credited with introducing the phrase 'Integrated Transport', which is now widely used within UK transport policy circles, and also for describing with some accuracy the dynamics operating within the Department of Transport.

Plot

The

Jim Hacker
is the ideal candidate.

Recognising that Hacker's

the railways and bus services, lack of single tickets that can be used on both mainline rail and the London Underground, and lack of combined bus and railway timetables
(including bus timetables in railway stations). They decline to mention any of the problems in achieving these, and pressure him to agree immediately without consulting with Sir Humphrey, which he does.

Hacker goes back to his office to tell

press conference
that same afternoon". He further points out that the seemingly-flattering title 'Transport Supremo' is rendered within the service as "Transport Muggins".

Sir Humphrey proposes to illustrate this by arranging a meeting for the Minister with three under-secretaries, from the Roads, Rail, and Air Transport divisions. At the meeting, it becomes clear that there is little scope for agreement, as each wants to expand their own branch's contract at the expense of the others. Hacker then tells them that he wants to reduce the overall transport budget, at which point there is an implied agreement by the three under-secretaries that this would be met by devastating strike action across all three transport sectors.

Hacker subsequently asks Bernard why these three civil servants appeared to be fighting their own corners instead of supporting the government. The

Principal Private Secretary explains that this is how the civil service works: each department is controlled by those that it is supposed to be controlling. By way of example, he explains that comprehensive education was adopted in the United Kingdom as a result of lobbying by the National Union of Teachers who were the most powerful sectional interest and had a long term close relation with the Department of Education
. He then explains that this arrangement worked across all government departments.

Hacker now concludes that the task is impossible, and asks

constituency with job losses and unwanted development, would do the job nicely. Humphrey then suggests that if a journalist – such as the one he's about to have lunch with – got hold of the document, there would be a national outcry, and, as they have to circulate copies to every department, it would be difficult to track down the source of any leak that might occur. Sir Humphrey has lunch with Peter Maxwell, a journalist from The Times
over which he outlines the negative implications of the policy on the constituency and then he 'accidentally' leaves a copy of Hacker's memo for the journalist to retrieve.

A few days later, Hacker is called back to Number 10, where Sir Mark Spencer informs him of the PM's displeasure after their confidential report had appeared in The Times. Furthermore, another report has appeared in the PM's local paper, scotching rumours of any unfortunate side-effects to the policy, and forcing Hacker to rethink his proposals. Hacker is suspicious about where this second leak came from, but Sir Mark is adamant that "the PM's office does not leak."

Meanwhile, Sir Humphrey has already prepared a Plan B which is wildly expensive and will upset HM Treasury. The plan proposes a new 'British Transport Authority', with a staff of 80,000 and a budget of £1,000,000,000 per year. They consider leaking this as well, knowing that it will most likely lead to a leak inquiry. Bernard is worried about that prospect, but the others assure him that such inquiries are only ever for 'setting up', and never actually report. This is due to both the difficulties in blaming either civil servants or politicians, and the fact that, that in most cases, most leaks do in fact come from 10 Downing Street. As Sir Humphrey remarks, "the ship of state...is the only ship that leaks from the top".

Later, both Hacker and Sir Humphrey are brought in to discuss the latest leak with Sir Mark and Sir Arnold. Sir Mark tries to intimidate Hacker and Sir Humphrey by suggesting he could track down where the first leak came from (and thereby implicate them). However, Hacker replies that he could likewise find out where the leak for the PM's opposition to their plan originated, pointing out that a leak from the PM's office would, in terms of security, be more serious than one from a Cabinet Minister's private office. Hacker further points out that the inevitable public outcry over the leaks would make his job impossible, especially as all his proposals have been effectively denied. Beaten into a stalemate, Sir Mark and Sir Arnold agree to send the policy back to the Ministry of Transport, and to set up an immediate leak inquiry.

Episode cast

Actor Role
Paul Eddington Jim Hacker
Nigel Hawthorne
Sir Humphrey Appleby
Derek Fowlds Bernard Woolley
John Nettleton Sir Arnold Robinson
Nigel Stock Sir Mark Spencer
David Firth Peter Maxwell
Peter Dennis Under-Secretary, Air Division
Robert East Under-Secretary, Rail Division
David Rose Under-Secretary, Roads Division

Reality

It is considered to be a good representation of some of the dynamics operating within the Department of Transport.[1] A research paper published by Parliament in 2010 reflected on the question of how much policy is made by the minister and how much influence the civil service quoting from "A Bed of Nails".[2]

The sketch is often credited in the UK professional community as being the source of the term 'integrated transport'. A 'Commission for Integrated Transport' was established in 1998 to provide independent advice to Government on the implementation of integrated transport policy, to monitor developments across transport, environment, health and other sectors and to review progress towards meeting our objectives[3] (this was abolished in the 2010 spending review).[4] In 2008 the passenger transport authorities in a number of major UK conurbations were renamed integrated transport authorities.[5] By 2010 the Department for Transport had an 'Integrated Transport Economics and Appraisal' unit which included in its remit to develop a strategic National Transport Model for use by the Department in the assessment of a range of transport policy options. The Model uses data on how people travel according to their circumstances and where they live. It takes into account the choices available and the use people make of the different modes of transport - car, rail, bus, walk and cycle.[6]

New Labour's first transport white paper

Oystercard does allow travel on mainline rail and London Underground in the London area. In 2010 the new government announced that it would introduce a national smart card ticketing system to make multi-modal journeys easy and seamless by 2014.[8]

Trivia

  • Robert East, who portrayed the Under-Secretary for the Rail Division, also played Peter Gascoigne (Hacker's Foreign Affairs Private Secretary) in the Yes, Prime Minister episode "
    A Diplomatic Incident
    ". It is assumed that they are the same person.
  • David Rose, who portrayed the Under-Secretary for the Roads Division, also played a Party Guest in the Yes, Prime Minister episode "
    The Patron of the Arts
    ". They may also be the same person.

References

  1. ^ "Special report: You simply couldn't make it up, Minister". fleetnews.co.uk. Retrieved 2 October 2020.
  2. ^ "Transport policy in 2010: a rough guide" (PDF).
  3. ^ "Commission for Integrated Transport". The Commission for Integrated Transport (CfIT) is an independent body advising the Government on integrated transport policy. CfIT takes a broad view of integrated transport policy and its interface with wider Government objectives for economic prosperity, environmental protection, health and social inclusion. Physical integration - the principle of ensuring transport modes operate in conjunction with one another, is just one vital element of the bigger transport picture. The Commission provides expert advice supported by independent research. CfIT was established in the 1998 Integrated Transport White Paper 'to provide independent advice to Government on the implementation of integrated transport policy, to monitor developments across transport, environment, health and other sectors and to review progress towards meeting our objectives'.
  4. ^ "CSR: Government kills off Commission for Integrated Transport". Road Transport. Archived from the original on 29 October 2010.
  5. ^ "Local Transport Bill". Parliament.
  6. ^ "Integrated Transport Economics and Appraisal". Department for Transport. Our aims are to ensure that decisions on transport policy are made in the light of the best possible advice on their impacts, and to ensure that investment in all modes of transport and their management meets the Department's policy objective to seek good value for money... We are developing a strategic National Transport Model for use by the Department in the assessment of a range of transport policy options. The Model uses data on how people travel according to their circumstances and where they live. It takes into account the choices available and the use people make of the different modes of transport - car, rail, bus, walk and cycle. The Model relates the way people travel to cost, time and convenience of each alternative. It can therefore help to predict how improvements in public transport or in roads influence the modes people use and the impact of these improvements on congestion and emissions
  7. ^ "About". ITSO.
  8. ^ "Local Transport White Paper – Creating Growth, Cutting Carbon: Making Sustainable Transport Happen".

External links

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