Wikipedia:Peer review/Boys Don't Cry (film)/archive2

Thanks for the review!

Great that you got it copy-edited. Now that it's over, let's continue.

Comments from Csisc

Dear Mr.,

I thank you for your work about this important film. Detailed information are provided in this current work. However, it can be developed by involving more misconsidered details... You can talk about the expenses and the incomes of the film and how it has been published worldwide.

Yours Sincerely,

Comments from JM

• If you're going to include who's based on who to the cast list, you're going to need to cite sources.

• "Peirce became engrossed in Brandon's life and death; he said," Pierce is a "she"? Or am I wrong? (Also, could you check that quote? Grammatically, it's not great.

• "The leap of imagination that this person took was completely overwhelming to me."[11] The sensationalist publicity generated by the case prolonged her interest.[9] Peirce said she looked beyond the brutality of the case and instead viewed the positive aspects of Brandon's life as a "leap of imagination" that eventually causes his death" Repetition

• done

• "The leap of imagination that this person took was completely overwhelming to me."[11] The sensationalist publicity generated by the case prolonged her interest.[9] Peirce said she looked beyond the brutality of the case and instead viewed the positive aspects of Brandon's life as a "leap of imagination" that eventually causes his death" What's the "also" doing in this sentence?

• "Initially, the film was to be largely based on Aphrodite Jones' 1996 true crime book All She Wanted, which told the story of Brandon's final few weeks.[15] Rather than focusing on Brandon's early life and background, the screenplay was later modified"Vachon and Eva Kolodner's production company, Killer Films as well as Hart Sharp Entertainment and IFC Films provided financing for the project to be closer to Peirce's vision." How was Pierce's vision different from Jones's book?

• "Vachon and Eva Kolodner's production company, Killer Films as well as Hart Sharp Entertainment and IFC Films provided financing for the project" Clumsy

• done

• "Prior to filming, Peirce conducted extensive research into the case, which lasted almost five-and-a-half years." Again, this seems to repeat what was said earlier

• changed

• "The filmmakers retained the names of most of the case's real-life protagonists, but the names of several supporting characters, including Candace's character who in real-life was named Lisa Lambert, were changed." Complex

• "Sevigny had auditioned for the role of Brandon,[33][34] but Peirce decided Sevigny would be more suited to playing Tisdel. Peirce could not see Sevigny as a man and thought she would be perfect for Lana.[32][34]" Again, this is a little repetitive.

• "Peirce cast Alicia Goranson, known for playing Becky on the sitcom Roseanne, as Candace because of her likeness to Lisa Lambert, who was 24 when Lotter shot her" Is this the first mention of the shooting?

• No, this is the same shooting that kills Brandon. However, I don't think her age at the time of death is necessary.

• There seems to be slightly contradictory information about where the film was "originally" going to be shot.

• fixed

• I think the whole paragraph beginning "Some scenes in Boys Don't Cry required emotional and physical intensity" needs to be looked at closely. For example, I'm unclear on what "The bumper-skiing scene" is- it's not in the plot section, I don't think?

• "The use of low natural light and heavy artificial light is illustrated early in the film–in the opening roller rink scene in which Brandon pursues his first relationship with a young woman, Peirce used a similar three-shot method to that used in a scene in The Wizard of Oz (1939) in which Dorothy leaves her house and enters Oz.[9] The scene consists of a three-shot sequence meant to symbolize Brandon's metaphorical "entrance to manhood"." I'm not clear what this means.

• clarified

• "the sequence in which Lana has an orgasm" Again, this hasn't been introduced- you seem to be assuming readers are already familiar with the film.

• "and incorporated neo-realism techniques" neo-realist?

• done

• You seem to be inconsistent on whether you list the date of films you mention.

• " the scene in which the two have sex in a car" Again

• done

• ""The Bluest Eyes in Texas" was played when Hilary Swank went onstage to receive her Academy Award for Best Actress in 2000.[50][51]" If this really matters, could we incorporate it into the former paragraph?

• "Boys Don't Cry has been regarded academically as a thematically rich love story between two ill-fated lovers, not unlike Romeo and Juliet or Bonnie and Clyde." Is that claim you've made on the basis of one source, or is that a conclusion reached in the cited source?

• After fixing that ref, I checked and fixed it.

• "in the scene in the barn," Again

• done

• "Boys Don't Cry was the subject of an essay, Psychoanalysis and Film, written by Donald Moss and Lynne Zeavin, and edited by Glen Gabbard under the supervision of The International Journal of Psychoanalysis." Is this really necessary? Also, that's not the same of the essay, and it's hard to see how a journal can supervise anything.

• done

• "Its strategy is comparable, perhaps, to using the particulars of the For a case not for what they might reveal about female hysteria" Huh?

• done

• "The film received a limited release theatrically on October 22, 1999, in the U.S.,[65] where it was distributed by Fox Searchlight Pictures, a subsidiary of Twentieth Century Fox that specializes in independent films.[66] The film grossed $73,720 in its opening week. By December 5, the film had grossed in excess of $2 million. By May 2000, it had a U.S. total gross of $11,540,607—more than three times its production budget.[67] Initially, many viewers complained via email to Peirce that the film was not being shown near them, as the film initially was only being shown on 25 screens across the country. However, this number increased to nearly 200 by March 2000.[68]" It'd be good if everything about the limited release could be together

• done

• Source for the UK release?

• "he performances of Swank and Sevigny were selected as two of the film's strongest elements; Rolling Stone said the pair "give performances that burn in the memory",[76] and The Film Stage called Swank's performance "one of the greatest" Best Actress Oscar-winning performances.[77]" Avoid personification. Publications and websites don't say anything; people writing for them do.

• done

• Just a thought- it may be worth trying to arrange the reception section thematically, rather than by review.

• Your referencing style is inconsistent; look at accessdates, for instance. This needs to be cleaned up before FAC! You probably don't need publishers/locations for periodicals, but be consistent either way. Check your italics (eg, Political Film Society and CNN shouldn't be italicised). Page numbers for offline periodicals, and volume and issue numbers for magazines/journals, should be included, and included consistently. Check your Genders link. Is Soundtracks.net reliable? Your Movies and the Meaning of Life reference is incomplete- you're citing the edited collection, when you should be citing the chapter in the edited collection (as you do with the Moss/Zeavin source). And so on- you should go through these sources with a fine-toothed comb.

Also, it looks like there's a lot of scholarly literature out there which you should have a look at. Your Movies and the Meaning of Life source may have more worth citing, then there's