Wikipedia:Peer review/Unlocked (Alexandra Stan album)/archive1

Unlocked (Alexandra Stan album)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I wanted an opinion of an experienced user before nominating it for FA status. Please @ping me if news concerning this may appear.

Thanks, Cartoon network freak (talk) 14:59, 20 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

General comments by Gongshow

Overall this is a very well-written, informative article. Here are some 'Reception' section suggestions:

• First sentence: "Unlocked debuted at number 21 on the Japanese Oricon Albums Chart, selling 3,859 copies in its first week."
• Second sentence: How many weeks did it take to fall from 39 to 83? I also think it's redundant to have "Japanese Albums Chart" in this sentence as it's already clear from the sentences that come before and after it. I would prefer to see wording like this: "Over the following (three?) weeks, sales continued to decline as the album fell to number 83 on the chart."
• Third sentence: "higher" is redundant because "climbed" already describes an upward movement. Also, "on the week ending on 7 October 2014" can be tightened to "for the week ending 7 October 2014".
• Fourth sentence: "after 17 non-consecutive weeks" is clear; "spending" is not needed.
• Later in the section, I would say "Dijei Zasin of music website Pop Shock described", and then "He praised" instead of "They praised".
• X Factor should be italicized.

In the 'Promotion' section:

• Change "sophomore" single to "second" per
  MOS:POPMUSIC
  .
• Reword "The most successful track of the record on the Japan Hot 100" to "The album's highest-charting single on the Japan Hot 100"
• "The album's fourth single, "Give Me Your Everything", was launched on 27 August 2014." - change "was launched" to "premiered". Also, the release date in the infobox says 20 August 2014. Which one is correct?
• "The accompanying controversial music video". To avoid repetition, I would change it to simply, "The accompanying music video", because the controversy is introduced and discussed in the sentence after this one.
• ""Vanilla Chocolat" was released on 24 December 2014 as the fifth song from Unlocked" - change "song" to "single". Also, the release date in the infobox says 5 December 2014. Which one is correct?
• A bonus single only made available for purchase on the German version of the record, "We Wanna", featured fellow Romanian recording artist, Inna, and American reggaeton performer Daddy Yankee. I would reword it like this:

  "We Wanna", a bonus single available only on the German edition of the album, features fellow Romanian artist Inna and American reggaeton performer Daddy Yankee.

Great work on the article so far!  Gongshow   talk 21:28, 30 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Gongshow: Sorry for the late response, but I am in holiday in Hațeg, Romania, and in this location I finally have internet. I have done everything; thank you for the lovely review. If there will be an opportunity to revenge on you by also reviewing smth, I will do it. Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 16:34, 8 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from AJona1992

• I'll be more rigorous in my review for Unlocked since your goal is ultimately FA.
• Immediately in the lead section there are "recorded by" and "recording artist"; album and song articles over at FAC are criticized for having two very similar words in one sentence.

 Fixed

• The prose is also a bit weak (sorry), for an example "It was made available for digital download" could be rephrased to "It was made for digital consumption" or "It was commercially made available through digital music outlets".

 Fixed

• We don't need to know Alexandra Stan's discography in the lead either, pick between the two albums you have already and explained in the article body that were two releases prior to Unlocked.

 Fixed

• Do we know which songs the producers in the lead wrote? (does not need to be included in the lead; just a question for possible improvements)

They did not contribute on that many songs, so their including isn't a big deal.

• I feel that the word premiered is more associated with films and TV episodes than music releases, try release or even physical consumption if you did not use the term for its digital format.

 Fixed

• For the second para of the lead, try changing it to "Musically, Unlocked encompasses the EDM and dance-pop styles of her previous material, it consists of using instrumentation previously explored in her work; songs such as "Kiss Me Goodbye" and "Give Me Your Everything" makes use of Bhangra and Caucasian music, respectively."

 Fixed

• What do you mean by "issuance, retrieval"?

It is to mean that she is literally free from a pressure and that she has found herself, respectively.

• Ok, so instead of using those adjectives, I rewrote the sentence: "Lyrically, the album approaches themes on liberation (of which pressure?) and rejuvenation", but I am still unsure of using those as well. What did the sources say exactly? A lot of the songs in the album are more on finding love, partying, and contentment. – jona ✉ 00:56, 21 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@

WP:REX with help on providing sources you may not have access to which in turn can help expand the article. Hope for the best in your second FAC, I'll have it on my watchlist – jona ✉ 12:38, 1 September 2016 (UTC)[reply

]

• More to come – jona ✉ 21:10, 14 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@AJona1992: Everything done so far. Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 16:04, 20 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hey, I'll have another look and have it done by tonight or tomorrow. Best, – jona ✉ 17:30, 20 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• There's no need to link Romanians in the lead

 Fixed

• I thought changing it to digital consumption would be better but I'm not feeling it for the lead, so lets try something like "It was released
  Victor Entertainment as a follow-up to Saxobeats
  (2011)."

 Fixed

• The second sentence should be rephrased along the lines with "She took part at the inaugural international songwriting FonoCamp in 2013, where she further worked on material featured on the album."

 Fixed

• Remove "with it" (lead; second para, first sentence)

 Fixed

• The second sentence needs to be plural, change "make" to "makes"

 Not fixed Well, actually "make" is correct:

The songs (they) make

The song (it) makes

Ah I see it now. No changes need to be made there – jona ✉ 16:54, 21 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• Because the RIAJ are an authoritative source, saying "according to them" is unfitting (and I believe I was the one who said to do it anyway lol). Since the units are solely based in Japan, just say that it sold that much in that country with Japan linked to the RIAJ.

 Fixed

• Generally in album articles, editors leave out where the album was recorded in the infobox like 4 or are added in its own section like Aaliyah but there are other FA album articles like Formula, Vol. 1 that does so it's just an option to either remove it, re-add it to its own section, or leave it alone.

 Fixed

• If only "Kiss Me Goodbye" uses Bhangra music, then there's no need for it as a music genre in the infobox which should only be a summarization of the definitive genre heavily used or if available check
  Allmusic
  and use that

 Fixed

According to Allmusic.com the recording is electronic and pop rock which should be used in place of the other genres you have in the infobox. – jona ✉ 16:54, 21 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

• There's a comma needed after "Saxobeats (2011)" and remove the comma used before the "Mr. Saxobeat" (first para of the first subsection; first sentence) – jona ✉ 00:56, 21 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

 Fixed

@AJona1992: All done! Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 05:54, 21 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

• Change "this album" to "the album"

 Fixed

• Change "material featured on the album" to "material featured on the recording"

 Fixed

• In the last sentence of the first para in the lead, end the sentence and start off a new one with information about her signing a recording contract with Fonogram Records; avoid the word "new".

 Fixed

• I see why you wanted to break the sentence up in the second para since it a runoff one. Tweak it to say "it consisted of" (using a semicolon) or continue using a comma and change it to "which consisted of".

 Fixed

• Please see my previous comment above about the themes explored in the album for possible improvements.

 Fixed The source in Romanian tells the exactly same words as standing before your comment in the lead

Background and development

• Avoid the word "new" in this section

 Fixed

• Remove "following this"

 Fixed

• Instead of saying "first single" replace it with lead single

 Not fixed It was not promoted as its lead single, but was released the first. Well, from the sources, I don't know which one was the lead single or if there is one.

• "Romania, held in Azuga" - you could just say Azuga, Romania

 Fixed

Recordings and artwork

• Remove "the" its redundant (first para; first sentence)

 Fixed

• During interviews, she expressed that the lyrical content of "Thanks for Leaving" refers to her recovery following her violent incident with Prodan, making the song very personal to her change it to In an interview, she expressed that the lyrical content of "Thanks for Leaving" is personal and refers to her recovery following her alleged violent incident with Prodan.

 Fixed

• You can just say genres or better yet say the recording drew influences of various genres including...

 Fixed

• "was a photograph" continue using past-tense here; remove "a" and rephrased photograph to photographed by

 Fixed

Promotion

• Remove "in order to" and replace it with "To promote the single" (fourth sentence)

 Fixed

• Avoid the words "launch" and "premiered" when talking about music releases

 Fixed

• "was again" change to "was also" and only use his surname Mokhtar following the first time you tell readers about him.

 Fixed

• Avoid overlinking (Roton Music)

 Fixed

• Avoid "fellow"

 Fixed

• Link reggaeton

 Fixed

Media review

• File:Vanilla Chocolat (Sample).ogg fails
  WP:SAMPLE
  where it says "samples should not exceed 30 seconds or 10% of the length of the original song, whichever is shorter." and use a "quality setting of 0 (roughly 64kbit/s)"; currently the sample size is at 83 kbps which is larger than the 64 kbps allowed on Wikipedia and the sample should be reduced to 19.7 seconds per the rule of thumb. This, along with the fact that you only copy-paste the same rationale used for the single article to the album article, will not be acceptable over at FAC. So, (1) you need to cut the size to 64 kbps, (2) you need to reduce it to 19.7 seconds, and (3) you need to add a better rationale use for this article and not copy-paste what is already used in the single's article.

 Fixed Changed it with a picture; everything else which has to be done with the file is to be changed soon my be

• File:Cherry Pop (Sample).ogg also fails WP:SAMPLE; it currently stands at 73 kbps and is over the 10% length which should be 19.1 seconds. Also the same thing above with the rationale usage, it needs to be different than the one you previously used in the single's article.

 Fixed same as above :)

• File:Unlocked International.jpg is ok

Credits and personnel

• Change songwriter to composer

 Fixed

• What is a vocal sample? Does it say that in the booklet?

In "Little Lies" there's a "ey ey, still little lie-ie-ie-ie-ies..." sampled from some of Burges works. Yes, it is included in the credits as "vocal sample"

• Avoid overlinking (hair stylist)

 Fixed

• Why is Grano in the production section and not in the vocal section?

It's a pseudonym for DJ Andi, which was worked with her on the song for a Romanian liberty parade two years ago.

Charts and sales

• Needs to be in compliance with
  WP:ACCESSIBILITY, use Template:Certification Table Top; see Formula, Vol. 1 as an example. – jona ✉ 16:54, 21 August 2016 (UTC)[reply
  ]

 Not fixed I don't know what you mean here. I already use Template:Certification Table Top.

@AJona1992: Done all and responded to some of your comments. Thanks for you review; I'm going to review your GAN within the course of the new week. Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:22, 21 August 2016 (UTC)[reply]