Wikipedia:Peer review/Wayne Rooney/archive1

Wayne Rooney

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I've listed this article for peer review because I want it to reach GA status, and need advice on what need fixes to get there.

Thanks,
  – HonorTheKing (talk) 19:39, 16 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: This article has thousands of edits, many of them non-productive (hence the protection). The article is viewed around a quarter of a million times a month. Despite all this attention it is in rather poor shape, probably because "too many cooks..." etc. Somebody, or bodies, really needs to get a grip on this article and turn it into something good. I have worked through the lead and the first few sections, and found persistent errors of grammar, poor prose, confusing statements, and other faults, which I have listed; it is likely that these errors persist through the rest of the article.

Lead

• Rearrange some lead material so that, per MOS, the first paragraph gives a more emphatic statement of Rooney's notability.
• Not all your readers will be au fait with football transfer procedures. The statement "before moving to Manchester United for £25.6 million in the 2004 summer transfer window" needs to be rephrased to avoid the impression that this was Rooney's personal fee.
• "He also holds two runner-up medals from both the Premier League and the Champions League". Clarify: one from each or two from each?
• "Rooney has won the Premier League 'Goal of the Season' award by the BBC's Match of the Day poll on three occasions." Don't use single quotes. Link BBC. Reword: "Rooney has won the Premier League "Goal of the Season" award, decided by the BBC's Match of the Day poll, on three occasions".
• Rooney's annual income should be given in sterling, not euros followed by a conversion.

Early life

• This skimpy information hardly justifies a section to itself.
• "brought up Catholic in Croxteth" – "brought up as a Catholic in Croxteth"
• Why are three references required to verify the names of Rooney's brothers?

Youth squads

• "Rooney began playing for Liverpool Schoolboys and until May 2010 he held the record of 72 goals scored in one season". Clarify what this record is. For the club? For the league in which the club plays?
• "At age nine" is not British English idiom. "At the age of nine..."
• I'm confused. According to the text, Rooney aged nine played for a boy's club and scored 99 goals in his final season, i.e. he played for them in more than one season. But then: "Rooney joined Everton at age nine..." How could that be?

First team breakthrough

• By "his senior debut" I think you mean his Premier League debut (see previous section)
• Full stop or semicolon after "Tottenham", not comma. The words "at the time" are unnecessary.
• "His first senior goals came on 2 October..." You said earlier that his first senior goals were in a friendly match on 15 July.
• "...a record that has since been surpassed twice by both James Milner and James Vaughan" Delete the words "twice" and "both".
• "Six days on from..." → "Six days after..."
• "His first career red-card..." You need to link to
  red card
  .
• Capitalise "boxing day"
• Overdetailing? Is Rooney's first goal of 2003 particularly significant?
• You need to explain what "The Toffees" refers to. Don't use italics here.
• "His final goal of 2003 came on his 50th league appearance, netting the only goal in a 1–0 home win over Birmingham on 28 December." Not grammatical. "When he netted", not "netting".
• There's far too much repetitive stuff about scoring goals. This tells us nothing about Rooney as a footballer. How about some details of his style and technique, skill, speed, resourcefulness etc?

My immediate advice is, fix the obvious points that I have identified. See how many of these faults persist in the remainder of the article, and deal with them, too. You'd be well advised to use one or more of the many Good Article football biographies as a model - or perhaps look at Thierry Henry which is featured. I note that many of these accredited articles have a "Style of play" section which is missing from the Rooney article. Get rid of the trivia ("He supports Celtic. He had a hair transplant" etc). Look again at the "Allegations of infidelity" section in the light of WP's

Thank you for the PR, I will address the above and rewrite the article.
  – HonorTheKing (talk) 15:45, 3 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]