Talk:Seymour H. Knox I
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Current status: Good article |
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Untitled
The controversy over the date of the second store is not too surprising to me. After having visited Hawaii, I imagine if a historian looks back on
A few comments
Hi. Hopefully theses comments might help you to improve your article:
- That picture of Knox with the Woolworths could be placed somewhere else
- Perhaps the "Family" and "Upbringing" could be merged as "Early life" an be placed before the "Five and Dime Stores" section; the paragraph about his wife could be placed in this last section, with some re-wording.
- September 20, 1884, as a full date, can be wikilinked
- The Post Woolworth Career section is quite small, so it could be included as a subsection of "Five and Dime Stores"
I am certain that sooner or later a more experienced user will give you some more suggestions. Dalobuca 17:16, 15 April 2007 (UTC)
GA Review
See
- herefor criteria)
- It is reasonably well written.
- a (prose):
b (MoS):
- a (prose):
- It is factually accurate and verifiable.
- a (references):
b (citations to reliable sources):
c (OR):
- a (references):
- It is broad in its coverage.
- a (major aspects):
b (focused):
- a (major aspects):
- It follows the neutral point of viewpolicy.
- a (fair representation):
b (all significant views):
- a (fair representation):
- It is stable.
- It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.
- a (tagged and captioned):
b lack of images (does not in itself exclude GA):
c (non-free images have
fair use rationales):
- a (tagged and captioned):
- Overall:
- a Pass/Fail:
- a Pass/Fail:
Many of my comments agree with those made by Dalobuca above.
- 1b - Group some of the shorter sections together; reorder sections into chronological order - eg. Upbringing before Five and Dime Stores. Integrate trivia section into text; if you cannot integrate it, remove it as non-notable.
- 2a - Please reference section on his wife and interests.
- 3b - Remove or integrate trivia section as above.
Also,
- Wikify dates
- Move image at the top elsewhere, perhaps to family/upbringing section
- Some minor changes to grammar, spelling: clarify first 'trivia' statement (f you have not removed it; perhaps change use of 'friendly rivals' - doesn't read well
--ck lostsword|queta!|Suggestions? 09:17, 16 April 2007 (UTC)
- Much better. Definitely a Good Article! ck lostsword|queta!|Suggestions? 16:32, 17 April 2007 (UTC)
GA Sweeps (delisted)
The article neeeds careful reading, clean-up and copy-edit. I fixed some problems, but unfortunatly have no time to finish this job. I will provide several examples. The first paragraph in 'Family and Early life' section states: "James' grandfather had fought in the American Revolution. William Knox, came to Massachusetts from Belfast, Ireland, in 1737.". It is not clear who William Knox is. Is he James' grandfather who fought in the revolution? The last paragraph states that his wife established a fund in 1916, then goes on claiming that they married in 1890. Is it logical? The article should say that they married in 1890 then had children and that later in her life his wife established a fund. The name of this section should be changed, because the section has information not only about his early life.
The last subsection 'Post Woolworth Career' is also strange. It has little information about Knox's post Wolworth career, but states that he "Knox bred champion trotters and pacers and was a polo enthusiast." A reader can only guess, when he became trotters breeder and a polo enthusiast: after he bought Marine National or before?
My general impression of this article is that it is chaotically written. This should be fixed before article can be renominated. Ruslik (talk) 10:56, 26 November 2007 (UTC)
Good article nomination on hold
This article's Good Article promotion has been put on hold. During review, some issues were discovered that can be resolved without a major re-write. This is how the article, as of November 27, 2007, compares against the
- 1. Well written?: See notes below.
- 2. Factually accurate?: Yes, but see notes below
- 3. Broad in coverage?: Good enough
- 4. Neutral point of view?: No problems
- 5. Article stability? Yes
- 6. Images?: OK
Please address these matters soon and then leave a note here showing how they have been resolved. After 48 hours the article should be reviewed again. If these issues are not addressed within 7 days, the article may be failed without further notice. Thank you for your work so far.— Ruslik (talk) 10:13, 27 November 2007 (UTC)
There are a few issues that need to be addressed.
1) What is the name of James' grandfather? Is he the same person as William Knox (see delisting comments)? If not the name should be provided.
- The source merely says that the grandfather was a WP:LOTD) 21:52, 27 November 2007 (UTC)]
2) The title of the first section 'Family and Early life' does not match the content. The section describes events that happened as late as in 1916—hardly Early life. --
3) Try to divide 'Five and Dime Stores' into two paragraphs. It is too long in the current form. --
4) The subsection 'Post Woolworth Career' does not explain why the career is called post Woolworth. He seems to have continued to work in Woolworth Co. I also does not see a connection between Post Woolworth Career and trotters, pacers and polo. Does it mean that he got involved in these activities only later in his life? --
Ruslik (talk) 10:13, 27 November 2007 (UTC)
Ok, I will promote the article to GA, but I strongly recommend you to find the name of James' father. Ruslik (talk) 07:42, 28 November 2007 (UTC)