Talk:Barbara Rae-Venter

Comments

• Where it isn't disruptive to the flow of the text, I much prefer "United States" as an adjective over "American"; the latter term, while used as a demonym for poeple from the US in English, has both historically and in other languages been used for different sets of people.
  • does this refer to the first sentence? Or throughout?
    • Throughout, really, but especially where the change can be made without the text becoming awkward
• Link PhD and BA at first use. Spell out BA, since that's a less common term.
  • Done.
• "Rae-Venter has several peer-reviewed scientific publications focusing on cancer research." This is uncited.
  • I tweaked the wording and found a supporting citation.
• "family tree sharing site" I know what you mean, but an older reader may be flummoxxed; I'd suggest "website for sharing family trees".
  • Fixed.
• I'd suggest changing "birth father" to "biological father".
  • Fixed.
• "DNAAdoption.org" the specific website isn't necessary unless it's independently notable
  • Fixed
• "searching for the targeted profile" This is jargon-y, and I'm not sure exactly what it means.
  • I updated this to make it clearer, they are searching for DNA profiles that are related to the woman. Let me know if this needs some more explanation.
• "In addition to identifying..." I'd suggest moving this sentence back to where you're still discussing the victim, rather than the kidnapper.
• It isn't clear what it was Rae-Venter could do that the professionals could not. Is there any information available about this?
• "and provided structure to the team's genetic search efforts" This sounds a little like corporate-speak. What does this mean? If you're unsure, leave it out, and just say she was a part of the team.
  • I have expanded on this. Really, its that there aren't a lot of professionals (or weren't at the time) who construct family trees - understanding the second cousin / third cousin / shared ancestors etc. Genealogy has been perfected (for lack of a better term) by hobbyists, rather than professionals.
• It's a little odd to describe Craig Venter, the Craig Venter, only as "an American soldier on leave from the Vietnam War". You don't need a lot, but what he's really notable for should be mentioned.
  • Good idea, I have added some additional context.
• The little nugget in the lead about an adopted family member isn't in the body; there shouldn't be any unique material in the lead, really, as it's supposed to be a summary.
  • Fixed.
• Is there any commentary on her name change? Presumably she hyphenated upon marrying Venter, but it would be nice to know; and it's interesting that she didn't drop it when they divorced. If there's nothing available, though, that's fine.
  • Nothing I could find with a reference. I'd suspect she didn't drop it when they divorced due to the publications she had under that name, but its just a guess.
• In general, this is a very short article. It hits the highlights, so I'm not going to fail it, but I would strongly recommend scraping through the sources again for anything that's not in here.
  • I have expanded some of this. The topic is getting more coverage, so there was some new material
• The infobox mentions her geneaology work, and her law work, but not her cancer research; why is that?
  • I had kept the infobox to the work that she was notable for, but I have added it.
• I'd drop the last paper in the bibliography; she's not first author, and it's a much less well-known journal compared to the rest.
  • Done.
• If there's no available images of Rae-Venter, that's fine; but you could find a non-murderer photo illustrating the Golden State killings, though, I think.