Talk:Ben Carlin

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Good articleBen Carlin has been listed as one of the Engineering and technology good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Article milestones
DateProcessResult
October 22, 2012Good article nomineeListed
Did You Know
A fact from this article appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the "Did you know?" column on October 5, 2012.
The text of the entry was: Did you know ... that Australian adventurer Ben Carlin travelled over 80,000 kilometres (50,000 mi) over land and sea in a modified Jeep, becoming the first person to circumnavigate the world in an amphibious vehicle?
On this day...Facts from this article were featured on Wikipedia's Main Page in the "On this day..." column on May 13, 2013, and May 13, 2018.

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sasata (talk · contribs) 20:42, 7 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I'll review this. It may take me up to a week to get comments up (I'm spinning many plates). Sasata (talk) 20:42, 7 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments I read the article carefully, and am quite impressed by the professional prose and organization. I'm reduced to very minor nitpicks below:

  • perhaps link mining engineer in the lead?
 Done
  • "Carlin served in several different theatres, including India, Iraq, Persia, Palestine, Syria, and Italy," Although it is arguably understood from the surrounding context, I'm wondering if it would be useful to link to theater (warfare) to eliminate any possible confusion with the other kind of theatre? Also, the text seems to need a slight tweak, as those locations aren't theatres (implied by the text); perhaps something like "Carlin served in several theatres in various locales, including …"
 Done. Sentence trimmed and clarified.
  • "Throughout the war, the Allies had made use of a number of different varieties of amphibious vehicle; in particular, the Ford GPA, a modified version of the Ford GPW Jeep (also known as a "Seep")." grammar needs a tweak, as the clause following the semicolon is dependent. Maybe just change the semicolon to a comma?
 Done. Split into two sentences.
  • ""…with a bit of titivation" the MoS says that ellipses should be spaced. But looking at the original quote from the source, it doesn't seem that a preceding ellipse is required?
 Done. Got rid of it.
  • The phrase "All in all" is idiomatic, and perhaps not suitable for encyclopaedic writing?
 Done. Changed to "in total".
  • link destroyer
 Done
  • "he had considered abandoned" -> abandoning
 Done
  • "purpose-built tank which was to be towed" which->that
 Done
  • day-time -> don't think a hyphen is required
 Done
  • "which battered the vessel during its time amongst the islands of Macaronesia." can the underlined be trimmed?
 Done. Modified slightly.
  • "At Calcutta, a decision was made" can we reword passive voice to "Carlin decided"?
 Done. Cleaned up a few of the surrounding sentences.
  • sea sickness should be linked earlier, and it's given as both spaced and unspaced in the article
 Done
  • ensure that image captions that are not complete sentences don't have a fullstop, per
    WP:CAPTION
 Done. Some rewording.
  • "Half-Safe was simply driven into the river" passive voice again
 Done
  • the article suffers from
    here
    )
 Partly done. I've remove some of the more blatant examples (i.e. two in the same paragraph), but I've generally linked some of the more article-specific terms (i.e. schools, uncommon places) once per section (for those who navigate via the table of contents, and might otherwise skip the first instance of the link). If there's anything major that you feel should be linked or unlinked, go ahead.

I'll be back in a while to check images and perform some spotchecks to make sure the sources are accurately represented. Sasata (talk) 06:35, 12 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Eep! Completely missed this on my watchlist – sorry for the late response. I'll try and have a more detailed look when I get the time. IgnorantArmies (talk) 14:07, 16 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, I think I've picked up most of the things you mentioned. Linking isn't a big deal, so I'm happy to get rid of more of them if you think it's necessary. Thanks for reviewing this :) IgnorantArmies (talk) 11:57, 18 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

More comments Sasata (talk) 15:58, 18 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • why not mention the appearance in Life magazine in 1950?
 Done
  • mention he left much of his estate to his alma mater, and that he offered the Half-Safe to the Fremantle Maritime museum, per here?
 Done
 Done. Found a recent (last year) newspaper article that involved an interview with Carlin's daughter, which is as reliable as anything.
  • retrieval dates aren't required for online links of print sources (like newspapers)
 Done
  • I notice that Carlin's and de Mente's books aren't used as sources, but only listed as "Further reading". Was there really nothing in these accounts that was worthy of citing? It's a little worrying to me that much of the article appears to have been constructed from contemporaneous newspaper accounts without appearing to use two of the major sources on the subject.
Unfortunately, I have no copies (and no immediate access to any copies) of Carlin's books, and I'm certainly not willing to shell out "$40.00 plus postage" for the privilege. I think the "bare bones" of the article are mainly sourced from more recent online articles (which in all likelihood draw heavily from Carlin's books). The newspaper articles generally serve just to fill out the details – where more recent articles might just say "he then passed through Europe", I can use contemporary newspaper articles to build up three or four detailed sentences. Although ideally more of the article would be sourced directly from the books, I really don't have that option, and I don't think it's that detrimental to the overall reliability of the article. IgnorantArmies (talk) 11:33, 21 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nor do I. It's something that might come up if you were to take this article to FAC, but I think the sourcing is sufficient for GA. Images are plentiful and all appropriately licensed. I think all of the
good article criteria are met, and am happy to promote this now. Sasata (talk) 07:07, 22 October 2012 (UTC)[reply
]
Wonderful. Thank you for the rigorous review. IgnorantArmies (talk) 09:14, 22 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Map?

This is an interesting article. I think a world map plotting the journey would be helpful to visualize the journey. Unfortunately, I cannot assist in its creation, but if anyone out there has the time, capability, and inclination, it would be a great addition.--Bark (talk) 13:20, 13 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]

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