Talk:Don't Hold Your Breath/GA1

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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 06:54, 22 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Good Article
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3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4.
free or tagged images
() 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the
Good Article criteria. Criteria marked
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This will take two days I think, though I can start now! --K. Peake 06:54, 22 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

  • Infobox looks good!
thanks
  • Mention in the first sentence that is is from her debut studio album, Killer Love (2011), moving the single release info elsewhere and removing the week later part altogether
done
  • The demo and various iterations sentence should be the two after the opening one, followed by the single release
done
done
  • Where is the ex-lover part sourced in the body?
in the music and lyrics section, it is sourced that the lyrics see Scherzinger staving off an ex's advances. Its just been reworded/paraphrased otherwise a direct quote would need a source
done
  • ""Don't Hold Your Breath" went through various iterations and versions which leaked ahead of its" → "It went through various iterations and versions that leaked ahead of"
done
done
  • Remove usage of strong before the influences
done
  • Remove the genres from the second para since they are already mentioned in the previous one
done
  • "as well as conviction and lyrics about" → "as well as the conviction and lyrics about"
done
  • "It was also praised as a" → "The song was also praised as a"
done
done
  • Wikilink
    MOS:LINK2SECT
    , also this needs to be written out in prose to be mentioned in the lead
done
  • "In the UK," → "In the United Kingdom," for consistency because you use United States on the first mention of that country
done
  • "It became Scherzinger's third" → "The former became Scherzinger's third"
done
  • Remove the former band mate introduction since this is not notable
done
  • Place the rankings after the certifications, so relevant info is sorted together
done
  • "'Best Break Up Songs' ranking, "Don't Hold Your Breath" appeared at" → "'Best Breakup Songs' ranking, the song appeared at"
done
  • "at number 23 In the" → "at number 23 on the"
done
done
  • "over 621,000 copies and being" → "over 621,000 copies and been" also, mention that this is in the UK and separate the ARIA certification since these stats mean nothing for that country
done
done
  • Platinum should not be capitalized and mention that the ARIA certification was in Australia
partially done, Platinum is a noun since it is the name of an award
  • Remove "for "Don't Hold Your Breath"" after accompanying music video
done
  • "in a mirror and wandering" → "in a mirror, and wandering" but the house is not sourced as being from the 1930s
done
  • "It was met with generally positive reviews" → "The visual received generally positive reviews"
done
  • "of TV Shows including" → "of TV shows, including"
done
done
done

Background and development

  • Remove the release year of Killer Love from brackets since that being in the body is sufficient and this sentence mentions 2011
fix
  • "would leak ahead of the song's" → "would leak ahead of its" with the pipe
fix
  • Remove the usage of the word reference track
not done, we don't know whether this was officially the demo or just another track set to the same beat
fix
  • "According to Muumuse.com," → "According to Muumuse,"
done
  • "have been produced by Moroccan producer RedOne who" → "to have been produced by Moroccan producer RedOne, who"
done
  • "would circulate online including" → "would circulate online, including"
done
  • [1][6] should not have a space between them
done, good spot!
  • "by the aforementioned artists but" → "by the aforementioned artists, but" however, where is the possibility of rejection sourced?
by process of elimination. There is no information which states whether the song was always intended to be for Hilson and Timbaland and they decided not to proceed with it, or if they sung it as a demo for Scherzinger. Its a statement of fact, it was unknown ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • "on January 12 however," → "on January 12, 2011, however,"
done

Recording and production

  • "co-writing "Don't Hold Your Breath" while" → "co-writing "Don't Hold Your Breath", while" on the img text
done
  • Only the pop genre is sourced, also the genres belongs in music and lyrics instead
removed and resolved
  • Remove wikilink on dance-pop
done
done
  • MTV Buzzworthy should not be italicised
not done, MTV Buzzworthy is a blog, a blog is work, works should be italicised like websites, TV shows and books
  • Mention the name of the Stereoboard author
removed - I've moved the info back to the section below
  • "it was incorrectly reported to be" → "the song was incorrectly reported to be"
done
done
  • Remove pipe on produced
done
  • "recorded and edited by" → "recorded, and edited by"
not done, the process of recording and editing are linked so there's no need to separate by comma
done
  • Remove wikilink on Popjustice
done
  • "The blog noted removal" → "The website noted removal"
not done, Popjustice is an entertainment blog
  • post chorus → post-chorus with the wikilink per MOS:LINK2SECT
done

Music and lyrics

  • The genres should be the start of the section, beginning with "Musically, "Don't Hold Your Breath" is..."
done
  • "as "sort-of-balled" → "as a "sort-of-ballad"
done
  • "which was full of" → "that was full of"
done
  • "Sentiments echoed by" → "This sentiment was echoed by"
done
  • "Michael Cragg who called the song as" → "Michael Cragg, who called the song a"
done
  • Digital Spy should not be italicised
not done - its a website not a company. Websites are italicised
  • "and previous single "Poison" were "distinctly more pop and" → "and "Poison" were "distinctly more pop [and]"
  • Remove wikilink on Eurodance
done
  • "that Scherzinger's previous" → "than Scherzinger's previous"
done
  • Musicnotes.com should not be italicised
not done, Musicnotes.com is a website not a company. Websites are works and so should be italicised.
  • Pipe beats per minute to Tempo
done
  • "Copsey compared the song to" → "Copsey made a comparison to"
done
  • Add the release year of "I Will Survive"
done
  • "to the song "I will Survive";
    MOS:THEMUSIC
done
done
  • "with lyrics that "stave off" → "saying that Scherzinger "staves off"
done
  • "noting that it was Scherzinger declaration" → "noting that it was her declaration"
done

Critical reception

Reviews

  • This does not need to be a sub-section
done
  • Remove wikilink on Popjustice
done
  • "in reference to Kiler Love's first single" → "in reference to the song following"
not done - "Poison" was released before "Don't Hold Your Breath". Changed instead to read "in reference to previous single.
  • Remove pipe on "Poison"
done, I assume you mean the link
  • "the blog concluded that the song was" → "the reviewer concluded the song is"
done
  • Add the release year of Femme Fatale
done
  • "would sound like "this song" → "would sound like, "this song"
done
  • "every
    MOS:QUOTE
done
  • "Digital Spy commended the song's conviction saying" → "Copsey commended the song's conviction, saying"
done
  • "Bradley Stern, writing for MTV Buzzworthy called the song" → "Stern called the song"
done
  • "don't forget to exhale!"." → "don't forget to exhale!"" since the exclamation mark ends the sentence
done
done
  • Mention the name of The New Zealand Herald reviewer
done
  • "In writing for Stereoboard," → "Writing for Stereoboard,"
done
  • "a negative review saying that although it showed a" → "a negative review, saying although showing a"
done
  • "Johal also felt that" → "She also wrote that" to be less repetitive
done
  • Keep the UK Singles Chart position here but remove the end of the Adele reign because that detail is only notable for the later section
done

Accolades

done
  • "its list of the top 50 number ones of the last ten years." → "its 'Top 50 Number Ones of the Last Ten Years' list."
done
  • "at number 9 on" → "at number nine on" per
    MOS:NUM
done
  • The Breakup Songs list should be surrounded by singular speech marks instead for consistency
done
  • Add the release year of "I Don't Need a Man"
done
  • "at number two which" → "at number two, which"
done
  • Remove wikilink on the Pussycat Dolls
done

Commercial performance

  • Place the singer's native United States commercial performance first since the section is ordered geographically; keep the rest in the same order, but start a new para at the Scottish position since it follows the Ireland and UK info
not done. I went by order of release. The song was released in the US after all the other countries. This would make the rest of the article read awkwardly as the release and promotion sections are set out chronologically
  • Why is the date written as March 18 when the source says March 17?
fixed
  • "Scherzinger previously topped" → "Scherzinger had previously topped" but these songs are not sourced
fixed
  • "and BBC News but would be short-lived as" → "and BBC News, but was short-lived, as"
fixed
  • Remove capitalisation of platinum
not done, Platinum is a noun as it is the name of the award
  • Mention that the sales and streams were in the United Kingdom
fixed
fixed
  • Pipe Scottish Singles Chart to
    Scottish Singles and Albums Chart
  • "number 45 in France and number 62" → "number 45 in France, and number 62 in"
fixed
  • You need to invoke the refs for the countries at the end of the sentence; the Ultratop ref is not the main one, so use the countries' primary refs instead
fixed
  • Again, invoke the New Zealand chart ref instead of the secondary source
fixed
  • "while in Australia the song became" → "In Australia, the song debuted at number 27, becoming" per the source, as a new sentence
fixed
  • Mention that the 140,000 copies were in Australia and invoke the appropriate refs at the end of the sentence
fixed
fixed
  • "chart the song entered at" → "chart, the song entered at"
fixed
fixed

Promotion and release

  • Retitle to Release and promotion, moving to being the section before critical reception
done
  • Remove the sub-sections since these are redundant for a two para section
done
  • "The mixed and mastered version of "Don't Hold Your Breath" premiered" → ""Don't Hold Your Breath" officially premiered"
done
  • Remove wikilink on Popjustice
done
  • "of personality. Not a bad" → "of personality: "Not a bad"
done
  • "on February 16, 2011 and was" → "on February 16, 2011, and was" however, where is the February 16 date mentioned by the BBC Radio 1 source?
corrected with newer/more specific webpage. It now shoes that "Don't Hold Your Breath" was new on the w/e 16th Feb
  • Remove the lead single info since this lacks focus and the release as the second single is backed up anyway
respectfully not done. Lead single is the one directly preceding the album or the main one before the album not necessarily the first.
  • "for the first time on" → "for the first time at"
not done, Dancing on Ice is a TV show. You perform songs at a concert but on a TV show
  • "On May 14, she appeared" → "On May 14, 2011, Scherzinger appeared"
done
done
done
  • "along with "Right There"," → "along with "Right There" and" with the pipe
done
  • Remove pipe on "Poison"
done
  • "in the United States performing on July 13 for AMP Radio’s" → "in the US on July 13, for AMP Radio's" per
    MOS:US
done
  • "On August 18, she performed" → "On August 18, 2011, Scherzinger performed"
done
  • Pipe Live! with Regis and Kelly! to
    Live with Kelly and Ryan
done
done
  • "she performed on" → "she performed the song on"
done
  • "On November 11, she performed" → "On November 11, 2011, Scherzinger performed"
done
  • "which was backed by a" → "with backing from a"
done
  • "was performed as encore throughout" → "was performed as an encore for"
done
done
  • "support of her debut studio album, Killer Love (2011)." → "support of Killer Love in 2011."
done

Music video

done
  • "According to Robbie Daw of Idolator, the theme of the video was to" → "According to Daw, the theme of the video is to"
done >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 22:00, 26 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Synopsis

  • I am confused about the img text; why have you written 1800s house here but 1900s in the lead?
fixed
  • "She stares longingly out of" → "The singer stares longingly out of"
not done, its Scherzinger in the video. I've mentioned her once and then don't need to keep mentioning her by name
  • Remove pipe on chorus
done
  • "In the first she is seen wrapped in blanket while in the second" → "In the first, Scherzinger is seen wrapped in a blanket while in the second,"
done
  • "of the house where she" → "of the house, where she"
done
  • "She is then scene walking" → "The singer is then seen walking"
not done, its Scherzinger in the video. I've mentioned her once and then don't need to keep mentioning her by name
  • "an old armchair and intersects" → "an old armchair, and intersects"
done
  • For the part about her singing a lyric, shouldn't a citation be invoked since this is a quote?
no, because the quote is the actual lyric
  • "she stands confidently" → "the singer stands confidently"
not done, its Scherzinger in the video. I've mentioned her once and then don't need to keep mentioning her by name

Reception

  • "Despite Idolator's Robbie Daw loving the song," → "Despite Daw loving the song,"
done
  • ""overall, cheap-ass video," → ""Overall, cheap-ass video," per the source's capitalisation
not done per
MOS:CAPS
  • "Rap-Up.com called" → "Devin of Rap-Up called"
done
done
  • Add the release year of "The Flood"
done
  • "dark and moody" → "dark and weepy" per the source
done
  • "praised "the warm fuzzy"" → "praised the "warm and fuzzy""
done
  • The bathroom scene part is not sourced and you need a comma before and if more than two parts are listed
tweaked
  • Remove wikilink on MTV
done
  • "one of the most watched music video" → "one of the most watched music videos"
done
removed
  • The 40 million views are not sourced
removed

Track listings

  • Invoke the appropriate ref(s) for each track listing
done
done
  • Kaskade should only be linked on the first instance
done >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 20:50, 25 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Credits and personnel

  • Use {{
    spaced ndash
    }}     so there is the right space between credits and personnel
not done, I couldn't find any specific guideline to say this is a thing, but it certainly isn't in the MOS.
MOS:LISTDASH
very clearly says "Spaced en dashes are sometimes used between parts of list items.", key word being sometimes.
  • Pipe arranger to Arrangement instead of the sub-section
done
done >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 20:17, 25 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Charts

Weekly charts

  • The peak Australia Dance position is sourced as number 6, not 3
updated
  • Wikilink
    Euro Digital Songs
    per MOS:LINK2SECT
updated
updated >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 20:22, 25 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Year-end charts

  • Good
yay >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 20:23, 25 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Certifications

  • Good
yay >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 20:24, 25 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Release history

  • Format → Format(s)
done
  • Maybe add a separate col for versions?
I didn't do this deliberately. There were absolutely tonnes of different dates and it would take ages/be indiscriminate to find individual references for each release type as it was pre-streaming and also the quality of the references has degraded. Furthermore, there was almost a different date for each market.
done
  • Digital download and streaming should not linked past the first instance
done >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 20:54, 25 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

See also

done
done >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 20:27, 25 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

References

  • Retitle to Notes and references
Split out per other comments at FL/FA >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 20:25, 25 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Notes

  • Why is there a comma before the first professional moniker but not the second?
done
  • "and had been streamed over" → "and been streamed over"
done

Citations

yay >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 20:24, 25 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]
  • Cite Popjustice as publisher instead on refs 1, 7 and 33
done
  • Use the title of the actual source for ref 2 and cite 7digital as via with the wikilink; can any work/website or publisher be added?
done
  • Cite Digital Spy as publisher instead on refs 3, 11, 14 and 16, only wikilinking on the first instance
done
  • Cite BBC News as publisher instead on ref 5 with the wikilink
done
  • Remove MTV Buzzworthy from ref 8
partially done, changed to Buzzoworthy which is the name of the blog published by MTV, separate work from MTV news and general MTV coverage
  • Ref 15 should cite last names followed by first for consistency and pipe Hal Leonard Corporation to
    Hal Leonard LLC
done
done
  • Fix
    MOS:CAPS issues with ref 21 and pipe The Huffington Post to HuffPost
done
done
  • Remove wikilink on BBC News for ref 25
done
done
done
done
  • Remove the publisher from refs 31 and 81, also remove wikilink on Billboard for the latter
done
  • Cite Pressparty as publisher instead and remove the author for ref 32
done
  • Remove British Broadcasting Corporation from brackets on ref 34
done
  • WP:OVERLINK
    of Rap-Up on refs 35 and 52, also always cite as work/website and no .com
done
  • Remove or replace ref 36 per
    WP:RSP
  • Fix
    MOS:QWQ
    issues with refs 38 and 39, only citing Idolator and as work/website
done
  • Fix MOS:QWQ issues with refs 42 and 51
done
  • Cite Ulster Star as work/website instead on ref 48 and remove Johnston Press
done
  • Videostatic.com → VideoStatic on ref 49
done
  • Cite Vevo as publisher instead on ref 50
not done, at a recent FL/FA, Vevo, YouTube and Spotify etc were all dubbed platforms rather than content publishers
  • Sugar Magazine → sugarscape.com on ref 53 with the wikilink, removing the bracketed part
done
  • Fix MOS:QWQ issues with ref 55 and WP:OVERLINK of Interscope Records
done
  • Add a publisher to ref 57
can't do anything to this, its how the {{
singlechart
}} has rendered
  • Remove wikilink on Australian Recording Industry Association for refs 78 and 79
  • Wikilink BBC on ref 80
done
  • Remove wikilink on 7Digital for ref 73
done

Final comments and verdict

  •  On hold until all of the issues are fixed; this is a bit messy but shouldn't be too hard to fix! --K. Peake 11:02, 23 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    thorough as always! I'll make a start tonight hopefully. >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 15:28, 23 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    Lil-unique1 It is good that you are making progress on this, however my comments about using Scherzinger or the singer more in the music video section are because it is repetitive to write she so many times and ref 8 should either only cite MTV or Buzzworthy. --K. Peake 08:36, 28 August 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    Sorry this has taken a while Kyle Peake, I've addressed all the comments. 95% + have been done as requested, where I haven't I've left a comment/explanation or done something slightly different. >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 23:45, 2 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    ✓ Pass now, I understand why you didn't implement some changes and I have done brief copy editing! --K. Peake 08:39, 3 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
    @Kyle Peake Mucho thanko Amigo >> Lil-unique1 (talk) — 14:12, 3 September 2022 (UTC)[reply]
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