User:Melmoore94/sandbox

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Amelia Edwards

Article: Amelia Edwards

Contributors: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Lmwvh8, https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Melmoore94

Article Notes:

-Blanket statements: we want to add to some information to some of the sub articles

-Add more resources

-Organize the page

Resources:

  1. https://doaj.org/article/bc5847eb84be404fa9be575fc5d6eda4
  2. https://doi-org.libproxy.mst.edu/10.1093/ref:odnb/8529
  3. http://www.jstor.org.libproxy.mst.edu/stable/10.1086/659084?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents
  4. http://muse.jhu.edu.libproxy.mst.edu/article/315516
  5. http://web.b.ebscohost.com.ezproxy.umsl.edu/ehost/ebookviewer/ebook/ZTAwMHhuYV9fODkxMTc3X19BTg2?sid=7f2ace5d-37d5-46b7-b61c-219b9bbf4eea@sessionmgr104&vid=0&format=EB&rid=1
  6. https://ia801404.us.archive.org/32/items/untroddenpeaksa00edwagoog/untroddenpeaksa00edwagoog.pdf

Article Draft: Copied from Amelia Edwards 

Early life

Born in London to an Irish mother and a father who had been a

Morning Post.[1][2] On top of being a accomplished writer, Edwards was an artist. She would accompany some of her writings with pictures she had painted. Edwards would also read books and paint scenes from those books.[3] Melmoore94 (talk) 14:15, 16 March 2018 (UTC) She was talented enough to catch the eye of one, George Cruikshank. He went as far to offer to teach her but, this talent would not be supported by her parents because it was seen as a lesser profession and the artist way of life was scandalous.[4] This decision continued to haunt Edwards through her early life; many times she would wonder if she had passed up her true calling to be an artist.[5]

Titian's Birthplace, drawn by Amelia Edwards in her book Untrodden Peaks and Unfrequented Valleys. A depiction of a location in Caprile.[6]

Apart from writing and painting, Edwards took up composing and performing music for several years. In 1849, she came down with Typhus, because of this she became plagued with sore throats. These sore throats made it difficult for Edwards to continue to perform, causing her to lose interest in music.[3] Melmoore94 (talk) 16:02, 9 March 2018 (UTC) Although Edwards had a notable singing voice and was a perspective opera singer, she came to regret her time spent as a singer.[3] Melmoore94 (talk) 14:17, 16 March 2018 (UTC) Melmoore94 (talk) 19:51, 5 April 2018 (UTC) On top of the talents that Edwards exhibited at a young age, studied subjects like pistol shooting, riding, and mathematics. [4] 

Novelist

In the beginning of the 1950's Edwards began to focus her attention on being a writer.

ghost stories, including the often anthologized The Phantom Coach (1864).[8][9] The background and characters in many of Edwards' writings are influenced by experiences of Edwards. For example, in Barbara's History (1864), Edwards uses Suffolk as the background. She had visited Suffolk for a few summer holidays when she was a child and had happy memories of the location. [5] Melmoore94 (talk
) 22:16, 15 April 2018 (UTC) 

Dolomites

Edwards had first heard about the

Serravalle (Vittorio Veneto) and two other paintings at a village church in Cadore.[11][12] After her descent from the mountains Edwards described civilized life as the "dead-level World of Commonplace".[5] Lmwvh8 (talk) 16:51, 9 March 2018 (UTC) Lmwvh8 (talk
) 22:27, 4 April 2018 (UTC)

In the summer of 1873, being dissatisfied by the end of her journey Edwards and Renshawe then took to a walking tour of France.[5] The journey was stopped short though due to the extensive rain, which is one of the reasons they decided to look towards Egypt.[3] Lmwvh8 (talk) 02:05, 12 April 2018 (UTC) 

Egypt
Upper part of a statuette of an Egyptian woman and her husband. 18th Dynasty. From Egypt. From the Amelia Edwards Collection. Now housed in the Petrie Museum of Egyptian Archaeology, London
Philae
(illustration from A Thousand Miles up the Nile)

In the winter of 1873–1874, accompanied by several friends, Edwards toured Egypt, discovering a fascination with the land and its cultures, both ancient and modern. Journeying southwards from

Philae and ultimately reached Abu Simbel, where they remained for six weeks. Amoung her travel companions was Renshawe. Renshawe had accompanied Edwards in multiple expeditions like the Dolomites and Egypt.[12] Was During this last period, a member of Edwards' party, the English painter Andrew McCallum, discovered a previously unknown sanctuary that came to bear Edwards' name for some time afterwards.[13]

Edwards wrote a vivid description of her Nile voyage, titled A Thousand Miles up the Nile (1877).[14][15] Enhanced with her own hand-drawn illustrations, the travelogue became an immediate best-seller.

Edwards' travels in Egypt had made her aware of the increasing threats directed towards the ancient monuments by tourism and modern development. Determined to stem these threats by the force of public awareness and scientific endeavour, Edwards became a tireless public advocate for the research and preservation of the ancient monuments. In 1882, she co-founded the Egypt Exploration Fund (now the Egypt Exploration Society) with Reginald Stuart Poole, the curator of the Department of Coins and Medals at the British Museum. Edwards became joint Honorary Secretary of the Fund and served until her death.

Great Temple at Abu Simbel (from A Thousand Miles up the Nile)

With the aim of advancing the Fund's work, Edwards largely abandoned her other literary work to concentrate on

Standard Dictionary. As part of her efforts Edwards embarked on an ambitious lecture tour of the United States in the period 1889–1890. The content of these lectures was later published as Pharaohs, Fellahs and Explorers.[17]

Article Evaluation

Ancient Egyptian medicine

  • Is everything in the article relevant to the article topic? Is there anything that distracted you?
    • From what I read, I believe that the information is relevant. The table that was used to show the ancient Egyptian physicians was very through but I fell like there might be a better way to portray them. I know we won’t be able to see pictures of them but if we could see pictures of their possible work, it would be helpful.
  • Is the article neutral? Are there any claims, or frames, that appear heavily biased toward a particular position?
    • I couldn’t see any biased work.
  • Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented?
    • I know it would be hard to find information about the Ancient Egyptians but it would benefit the article as a whole to add more information. Add a table of different ways to treat different ailments.
    • Also could add if the doctors discovered diseases and actual cures to these diseases, or were most of the treatments superficial
  • Check a few citations. Do the links work? Does the source support the claims in the article?
    • The citations are kinda, all over the place. They need to be fixed and they need to be added to. The citations seem a bit thin. This is evident on the talk page but I think it was back in 2005 through 2016
  • Is each fact referenced with an appropriate, reliable reference? Where does the information come from? Are these neutral sources? If biased, is that bias noted?
    • Yes but the citations need cleaning-up.
  • Is any information out of date? Is anything missing that could be added?
  • Check out the Talk page of the article. What kinds of conversations, if any, are going on behind the scenes about how to represent this topic?
    • There are not a ton of background information talks going on, it is more like the fixing of citations talks.
  • How is the article rated? Is it a part of any WikiProjects?
    • I could not see this on my iPad, I will check later.
  • How does the way Wikipedia discusses this topic differ from the way we've talked about it in class?
    • We have not talked about this in class.


Peer Review Notes

-“Considerable promise” is a subjective term.

-“she published her first poem at age seven, her first story at 12”. Different writing formats have different rules for when to use the numbers’ names and when to use the numerals, MLA and APA are different, and this is sentence is technically correct, under APA format, so maybe it’s just me being used to MLA style, but it just feels off, reading seven and 12 back to back, particularly when the word twelve is literally only one letter longer than the word seven.

-When you list the various magazines and newspapers she has written for, some are linked, and some are not. This feels inconsistent. Now, this may not be your fault, I don’t know if Wikipedia articles exist for the unlinked titles or not, but if they do, I would try to link them in.

-“skilled writer” and “talented artist” come off as being subjective, opinion-based observations. Perhaps accomplished, or recognized would be better words? I don’t know, I’m just nit-picking for the sake of the peer-review assignment now.

-“came down with Typhus and upon healing she became plagued with sore throats…”, the use of the word healing in this context is grammatically incorrect. Recover would be the obvious replacement. However, I get the clear sense that you are attempting to alter the wording from a source, I feel as though the original writing used the word recover, and you changed it to heal to avoid plagiarism. Ideally, the reader wouldn’t be able to notice such a change. Maybe “recuperated”? There’s only so much we can do with the English language, but I feel like there are still ways to alter the original wording while maintaining grammatical coherence.

-The book titles My Brother's Wife and Barbara's History are both italicized, but the title “The Phantom Coach” is in quotations. Is this inconsistency intentional? Are some novels and some short stories or poems? Or was this a mistake made by multiple people editing the same paragraph? Either way, some correction and/or clarification may be helpful.

Generally speaking, the article exerts that you are editing are well written and informative. Notice how most of my notes have to do with grammar. It seems clear to me that you have a clear path in front of you and you know exactly what direction you are planning on taking the article. Great start, keep it up. The only other major concern that comes to my mind is how you plan on fitting these additions into the existing article. Organization of information may be the biggest challenge ahead of you. Rkosi (talk) 01:48, 18 March 2018 (UTC)

Response to Peer Review Melmoore94 (talk) 15:16, 23 March 2018 (UTC)

-First off, for all of the subjective suggestion changes, they will be made. Thank you for bringing those to our attention. When writing the rough draft, it is very easy to glaze over the subjective terms.

-The the writing format will also be fixed, 12 and seven. Again, I think that was glazed over when writing the rough draft. Thank you for bringing that to our attention.

-As for the links, we are having issues with some of the links. This was an issue before we started working on the article. We plan to fix these links as we go; some of the links that don’t work are tough to track down but we are on the hunt.

-The inconsitentcy of italicization are caused by multiple people working on the article, thank you for bringing that to our attention. Those will be changed.

-The typhus review was extremely helpful because we have been trying to make that sentence flow better. It has been a tricky problem because we are attempting to not plagiarize, you were correct in that assumption. There will be some work on the sentence to make it flow better.

Thank you so much for your input.

Peer Review by jaszqd

Really good so far; it is definitely an interesting article. Just a few comments:

  • I feel like the statement "She would accompany some of her writings with pictures she had painted. She would also paint about everything she read." could be rewritten to flow a bit better.
  • The statement "these sore throats" sounds a little awkward to me, I feel like there is a better way to word it, maybe "became plagued with sore throats that made it difficult to continue performing."
  • The draft is organized well! The structure makes sense and the information feels very relevant to the article. Initially, I was confused why her Early Life had so much information, but it seems like it is important to set the stage for her later life.
  • I feel like the section of the Dolomites could use expanding. It seems to be one of the most important aspects of her career and could use some more description.
  • The article coverage is neutral as far as I can tell, which is good.
  • Just a few grammar comments:
    • "This journey was wrote about" could be "This journey was discussed" or "This journey was written about"
    • Keep a close eye on how you're using adjectives and adverbs. They can make your writing start to seem biased in certain instances. You mention "This painstaking work," but unless she explicitly said it in a diary or something, we can't be sure it was painstaking, just that it took two years, y'know?

A really great start with some unique information and additions. I'm excited to see how this article turns out! Your sources seem to be in pretty good order, a lot of them are from The Penguin Encyclopedia of Horror and the Supernatural. See if you can find any University presses to pull sources from. In many instances these are very useful and credible sources, but I can imagine that Amelia Edwards is hard to find sources for. Very good job so far! -jaszqd

  • Those two statements can definitely combined into a single statement. Something along the lines of "She was known to paint about everything she read and sometimes incorporate those paintings into her writings."
  • I don't think the sore throats statement needs a total re-haul, but a simple fix like changing it to "The sore throats" might make it flow better.
  • The Dolomites section will definitely be expanded as it's a new section we just started working on.
  • Grammar
    • I see your point in how painstaking seems biased, but I think it needs to be changed as it just reiterates that she put considerable time and effort into her work. Although that statement could possibly be seen as biased in itself, so we'll have to discuss that some more.
    • As for sources we've got some more that we pulled from the UM system and even got a physical book, so we should be able to diversify our sources.

Lmwvh8 (talk) 15:28, 23 March 2018 (UTC)

  1. ISBN 0-670-80902-0
    .
  2. ISBN 0-684-17808-7
    .
  3. ^ a b c d Manley, Deborah (23 September 2004). "Amelia Ann Blanford Edwards (1831–1892)". Oxford Dictionary of National Biography.
  4. ^ a b Jenkins, Ruth Y. (2007). "More Usefully Employed: Amelia B. Edwards, Writer, Traveler and Campaigner for Ancient Egypt". Victorian Studies. 49: 365–367 – via Indiana University Press. {{cite journal}}: line feed character in |title= at position 79 (help)
  5. ^ a b c d e f g Rees, Joan (1998). Amelia Edwards Traveller, Novelist & Egyptologist. London: The Rubicon Press. pp. 25–31.
  6. ^ Edwards, Amelia (1873). Untrodden Peaks and Unfrequented Valleys. London: Green and Co.
  7. ^ O'Neill, Patricia (2009). "Destination as Destiny Amelia Edwards's Travel Writing". Frontiers: A Journal of Women Studies. 30 – via Nebraska Press.
  8. ISBN 0-670-80902-0
    .
  9. ISBN 0-684-17808-7
    .
  10. ^ a b Manley, Deborah (September 23, 2004). "Edwards, Amelia Ann Blanford". Oxford Dictionary of National Biography – via Oxford DNB.
  11. ^ a b c d Edwards, Amellia (1890). Untrodden Peaks and Unfrequented Valleys. London: George Routledge and Sons.
  12. ^ a b O'Neill, Patricia (2009). "Destination as Destiny". Frontiers: A Journal of Women Studies. 30: 52–53 – via Project MUSE.
  13. ^ Edwards, Amelia B. (1891). A Thousand Miles Up the Nile. London: G. Routledge & Sons.
  14. ^ Edwards, Amelia B. (1877). A Thousand Miles up the Nile (Second ed.). London: Longmans.
  15. ^ Edwards, Amelia B. A Thousand Miles up the Nile.
  16. ^ Edwards, Amelia B. (1884). "Mummy". Encyclopædia Britannica. Vol. XVII (9th ed.).
  17. ^ Edwards, Amelia b. (1891). Pharaohs, Fellahs and Explorers (online ed.). New York: Harper & Brothers.
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