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This review is

transcluded from Talk:VanossGaming/GA1

. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Czarking0 (talk · contribs) 22:54, 28 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Hello I will be reviewing this article for GA Czarking0 (talk) 22:54, 28 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I am failing this due to style concerns, some sections I suspect lack notability, in some areas the sources are not so good. Many specifics listed below Czarking0 (talk) 00:07, 29 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

EarlyLife

This sentence is out of the WP:MOS since "claimed" brings doubt. "He claimed that he was not introduced to video games at a young age as his parents encouraged him to play ice hockey and to focus on school work." Source 1 is himself claiming this which is not sufficient citation for this claim. The cbc article does not say his parents encouraged him to play ice hockey. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Czarking0 (talk • contribs) 23:09, 28 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• Addressed – I've removed the sentence and references altogether. Idiosincrático (talk) 07:47, 18 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

   Done Czarking0 (talk) 17:28, 11 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Ice Hockey

Is this actually a notable part of his life? A person mentioning a part of their childhood on their social media does not seem to meet the WP bar for notability even if that social media has a lot of following. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Czarking0 (talk • contribs) 22:57, 28 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• Addressed – I've condensed this section a little bit and combined it with the early life section, I still believe his participation in the Ontario league, his teams and stats are notable. I also removed the statement on him reminiscing online about it. I'd like to think this is enough, please let me know if it isn't. Idiosincrático (talk) 07:47, 18 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

  I'll defer to the author since Canadian Hokey culture is not a knowledge area for me.  Done Czarking0 (talk) 17:29, 11 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Images

This article has very little to do with the University he dropped out of after two years. I would remove that image. I like the images of other people you included. Some of his logos would be nice to have. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Czarking0 (talk • contribs) 23:10, 28 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• Addressed – I've removed the image, I've tried in the past to add his current logo, however it is under copyright and could only be included in the infobox, the infobox imo is big enough. I'm pretty happy with the amount of images on the page.

Youtube Channel

"During his early years on YouTube, he met several other creators who would eventually feature frequently in his videos. His channel achieved popularity soon after, and by 2014 it had surpassed 10 million subscribers." When are the early years? "soon after" is against WP:MOS — Preceding unsigned comment added by Czarking0 (talk • contribs) 23:13, 28 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

• Addressed – Removed completely

"with commentators identifying him as a central figure in the growing video game commentary subculture." Your source does not say this

• Addressed – Removed completely

Your source does highlight how this is very different from what is available on TV. I think that is notable. You say that he was formerly partnered with Machinima but never mention that partnership starting. If it is worth saying he was partnered with them then it is worth saying how that started and when. You say Jetpak is a subsidiary of 3Blackdot, why is that notable I have no idea who 3Blackdot is.

• Addressed – I've mentioned the "tuning out of TV" from the CBC source. I've mentioned he joined Machinima early in his career as I don't have a source too say exactly when; I've shaped the paragraph to fit your points. I removed the mention of 3Blackdot, it is covered only in the other projects section.

This is not encyclopedic style: "Fong's social impact on boys and adolescents was analysed and published in the New Media & Society journal in 2018, his content was said to reflect a "broader shift in youth culture among the contemporary generation," whereby Fong and PewDiePie reportedly explore complex "shades of grey" in masculine performance.[15]"

• Addressed – I removed the comments after mentioning the publication, leaving only: "Fong's social impact on boys and adolescents was analysed and published in the New Media & Society journal in 2018"

Don't tell the reader what he doesn't do. This section of the article has far too much narrative style. Including the sentence following this quote: "Fong rarely uploads 'let's play' content, in which the viewer experiences most elements of a gameplay session, including parts which might be considered boring or uninteresting.[‡ 5] Whilst he doesn't upload in this style, he acknowledged in 2015 that it is a popular format and that audiences may want "that full experience where they actually feel like they're sitting next to the guy playing in his living room and watch the whole thing, even the slow downtimes".[‡ 5]"

• Addressed – I agree, I've completely removed the narrative writing in this section.

Does he do his own editing? This would be the time to mention the editorial team.

• I imagine he has an editorial team, however I have no source which discusses this. The only mention of something similar to this is what I've already mentioned from the PAX convention, which is that he can spend large amounts of time perfecting the format and editing style of his videos etc.

"VanossGaming was named one of the top influencers within the gaming industry in 2017 by Forbes;[20]" This is not encyclopedic style

• Addressed – reworded

"In a survey published by Variety in July 2015, Fong was ranked among the most influential content creators on YouTube for American children aged 13–17 in accordance with criteria including approachability and authenticity.[23]" Ditto

• Addressed – removed

Czarking0 (talk) 23:15, 28 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Other Projects

"In 2021, Fong was reportedly still active within the brand partnership, merchandise and social media sectors of the company." This is out of WP:MOS

• Addressed – removed.

"On November 2, 2016, it was announced that Fong was going to feature in a computer-animated series entitled Paranormal Action Squad, written by Michael Rowe" Passive voice also just a bad way to encyclopedicly explain something that happened.

• Addressed – changed to "Fong featured in a computer-animated series..."

"The show received mixed reviews, Brittany Vincent from Decider called the show "dim-witted" and "the worst kind of comedy",[47] whereas Walter from Bubbleblabber praised the show's writing, casting and plot line, leaving an overall rating of 9/10.[49]" Not encyclopedic

• Addressed – removed.

" The piece is a dubstep, trap and heavy electronic dance song which demonstrates Rynx's capacity to deliver "lush melodic build-ups" according to EDM Sauce." ditto

• Addressed – removed

"Commenting on his "Read My Mind" single featuring Mainland, he told British magazine Wonderland" ditto

"I wanted to make a song that had a very human feel within the electronic realm. That’s why the whole song was based off an upright bass line. I combined that with some slab bass textures and real electric and acoustic guitars. All while still being held together with electronic drums and synths." This is quote about one song he wrote. Is this really that notable?

• Addressed – removed

"In September 2019, he announced on Twitter that he would be going on tour in October and November at selected locations in the United States and Canada including San Francisco, New York, Chicago, Los Angeles and Toronto.[‡ 6] On October 15, Fong stated on Twitter that he was ruining his health as a result of his tour preparation,[‡ 7] he later announced on YouTube that his tour was delayed (except the Los Angeles trip) until February 2020.[‡ 8]" I am guessing the tour never happened? Is this notable?

• Addressed – I'm pretty sure it happened right before covid, but I agree and I've removed it...

Is a list of songs he remixed actually notable?

• Addressed – removed

Czarking0 (talk) 23:52, 28 September 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your review, I've left a note on your talk page @Czarking0. Idiosincrático (talk) 08:24, 18 October 2023 (UTC)[reply]

This review is

transcluded from Talk:VanossGaming/GA2

. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Czarking0 (talk · contribs) 17:41, 11 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Working off comments on GA review 1. I think you addressed all these.

I think the wikiproject tags for business and hokey should be removed. I don't think mentioning topics within a person's bio indicates that the page is of interest to that wikiproject.

• Done – Thanks for taking the time to review the article :) Idiosincrático (talk) 00:50, 12 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

@Idiosincrático: Unfortunately it looks like this review is abandoned as the reviewer hasn't edited since minutes after they started the review. Probably best to either try to find a new reviewer or request that this review be marked as abandoned. -- ZooBlazer 00:58, 8 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I think its pretty clear that I've assassinated my reviewer. Idiosincrático (talk) 02:19, 8 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]