The Stingray Shuffle
LC Class PS3554.O719 S87 2003 | | |
Preceded by | Triggerfish Twist | |
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Followed by | Cadillac Beach |
The Stingray Shuffle is
Explanation of the title
The title has three meanings:
- The Stingray Shuffle is the title of a little-known novel by little-known novelist Ralph Krunkleton, which creates a frame story for the novel's plot;
- According to Serge, "the stingray shuffle" is a movement routine to be used when encountering a stingray in shallow water: shuffling one's feet carefully, to avoid stepping on or kicking the stingray;
- The last part of the novel takes place aboard the Silver Stingray, a fictional version of Miami, Florida.
Plot summary
Novelist Ralph Krunkleton has never been more than marginally successful, but his publishers are surprised to see sales of his novel The Stingray Shuffle soaring in a small bookstore in
The owners - five former KGB agents dismissed from intelligence work for gross stupidity - are then recruited by "Mr. Grande", the head of the Mierda Cartel (the smallest in the world) to track down a briefcase containing $5 million in cash that was accidentally paid out by the insurance company that was laundering the Cartel's earnings. The briefcase was last seen at the conclusion of Hammerhead Ranch Motel, in the possession of private investigator Paul and Ernest Hemingway-impersonator Jethro Maddox. Also on the trail of the briefcase are Serge and his traveling companion, Don Johnson-impersonator Lenny Lipowicz.
The briefcase changes hands several times, and Paul, Jethro, and several of the Russians are killed, before their leader, Ivan, finally gets the briefcase from Serge (who was hoping to use the money to buy a trip into space and a monogrammed spacesuit from the Russians) and takes it to New York planning to buy a former Soviet submarine that Mr. Grande has promised to a larger, Colombian cartel for drug trafficking. Serge leaves Lenny at his mother's home and follows Ivan's trail to New York.
While searching for the briefcase, Serge encounters five single mothers from
Ivan inadvertently switches the briefcase with an identical one carried by a bathroom attendant; when the attendant peeks inside and sees the money, he flees New York on the first available train, the Silver Stingray. Searching the attendant's apartment, Ivan and a Jamaican gang leader, "Zig-Zag", hear a message on his answering machine confirming the train booking.
Hijinks ensue aboard the train, which has been set up as a
A few months later, the five women are living large, having shared the $5 million between themselves. When they meet again to discuss Ralph Krunkelton's latest novel (a lurid potboiler inspired by his sudden notoriety after the train crash), they raise a toast to Serge, wherever he may be.
In fact, Serge is camping on an off-limits island off the Florida coast, giving history lessons to its population of test monkeys.
Johnny Vegas
Several of Dorsey's novels features one or more failed attempts by his recurring character, Johnny Vegas, to finally lose his virginity. In this novel:
- Johnny takes a girl to a mini-golf course, pretending to be a golf pro; they try to have sex in the range cart, but as it makes its way onto the course, it becomes a target for the other golfers, causing the woman to jump out in fear before getting hit on the head with a ball;
- Johnny tries to have sex with a female book reviewer aboard the Silver Stingray, but when the train derails, both Johnny and the woman are unharmed, but the woman is too shaken to continue.
- On a speed boat, Vegas takes a woman to the small island. High on cocaine, the woman takes off her clothes and runs onto the island. Just as Johnny follows, the pair are attacked by the test monkeys.
- Johnny also recalls two failures from his past:
- Trying to have sex with a Cuban girl in Little Havana, before being interrupted by the FBI's removal of Elián Gonzálezfrom his relatives' home nearby.
- Trying to have sex with a female attorney, who becomes irretrievably distracted by the news of the Supreme Court's ruling against Al Gore in the 2000 presidential election.
- Trying to have sex with a Cuban girl in Little Havana, before being interrupted by the