Wikipedia:Top 25 Report/April 14 to 20, 2019

This page contains material that is kept because it is considered humorous. Such material is not meant to be taken seriously.

Prepared with commentary by Stormy clouds

← Last week's report – Next week's report →

C'était les dragons, á mon avis

The world, and by proxy the perusers of Wikipedia, was struck by three stories this week - the incendiary damage sustained by the celebrated, hunchback-less Parisian cathedral of Notre-Dame, the venerable victory of

Without further ado, for the week of April 14 to 20, 2019, the 25 most popular articles on Wikipedia, as determined from the WP:5000 report were:

Rank	Article	Class	Views	Image	About
1	Notre-Dame de Paris		6,716,199		One of the more recognisable Parisian landmarks, alongside L'Arc de Triomphe, was irrevocably changed by a monumental blaze this week, which captivated and shocked the world. Renovation works were underway on the famed cathedral, and these reportedly exacerbated the risk of, and ultimately caused, the fire, which consumed the spire of the church, alongside much of the roof. Firefighters nobly attempted to contain the inferno, but given the impossibility of audacious plans involving airdropping water, were unable to prevent much of the damage sustained to the historic 12th century site, whose striking Gothic architecture may never be the same again. Thankfully, the tragic damage sparked a wave of generosity that culminated in charitable donations amounting to €900 million to finance the subsequent renovations and repairs, which may take up to two decades to be completed.
2	Tiger Woods		3,127,942		The greatest sporting comeback outside of Augusta National last weekend, with the long-awaited return of the most successful golfer of the 21st century to the most major of stages. For the first time in eleven years, the world of professional golf heard the roar of the ferocious tiger, mercilessly efficient in pursuing his prey through Amen Corner and beyond, and ultimately donning the green jacket for the fifth time in his storied career, a feat which would have been considered an impossibility by the vast majority of golf aficionados a mere year ago.
3	Game of Thrones (season 8)		2,528,460		The best show currently on television has returned for its eighth and final season, and the world is on tenterhooks to see who shall sit upon the HBO series have seen in recent weeks. Given that Game of Thrones is renowned for its shocking, horrific, traumatising deaths, you should all be prepared for the only logical way in which the series can conclude - with the commencement of the reign of Hot Pie, first of his name.
4	Game of Thrones		1,516,505
5	Billie Eilish		911,973		I honestly have very minimal idea who this is, beyond the fact that she is a singer, and after listening to some of her music in preparation for this piece, have minimal inclination to change this. My exposure to Eilish involves hearing various jokes about how her new single resembles the greatest song ever written, but, to reiterate, I lack the insight to either verify or refute this claim. Only time will tell if the emergent seventeen year-old is a new force in the music industry, or a flavour of the month, and I am hesitant to speculate either way. To do so would surely make me the bad guy.
6	List of Game of Thrones episodes		900,781		Duh duh duh na nuh nuh da da duh duh duh na nuh nuh ...
7	Notre-Dame de Paris fire		863,794		The fire which occurred at the gorgeous Gothic cathedral in Île-de-France caused extraordinary destruction, but more positively united the people of France and beyond in charitable unity, spearheaded by nine-figure donations from famous French billionaires like the Arnault, Bettencourt, and Pinault families, which will be used to finance the necessary reconstruction and restore the cathedral to its world-famous, awe-inspiring glory.
8	Pete Buttigieg		760,812		The mayor of South Bend, Indiana, Pete Buttigieg is the latest of a long string of donkeys to throw their hats into the ring to contest the 2020 election against the Donald. Buttigieg lacks the credentials of some of his forthcoming opponents, having never served in either chamber of Congress, but the Harvard graduate has garnered a considerable amount of attention from the media after embracing his husband on stage at his candidacy announcement, propelling him to unprecedented heights in primary polls.
9	Bonnie and Clyde		728,453		The most notorious amourous duo of American crime are currently capturing the eyes of binge-streaming Wikipedians courtesy of the content overlords over at Netflix, and their latest viral original film, The Highwaymen, which stars the Prince of Thieves and Haymitch Abernathy as FBI agents in pursuit of the murderous thieves, who have somehow been romanticised in spite of their status as serial killers. The couple have maintained a constant presence in the pantheon of criminals for nearly a century, aided by zeitgeist-capturing appearances such as those of Dunaway and Beatty, and thus it is of little surprise that they continue to engage the curiosity of Wikipedians.
10	Avengers: Endgame		726,105		I lack the courage to mutter a mere word, or even a Google search, until midnight on Thursday, so sorry. You know what this is, and should ready yourself for it to rest atop future iterations of the report - this article's page views are about to tend to infinity .
11	Deaths in 2019		708,031		As ever, the denizens of Wikipedia are fascinated by a list of the those who we have lost, ensuring that the list makes another inevitable appearance on this week's iteration of the report.
12	Shazam! (film)		698,873		Having now seen both of them, I can declare with confidence that DC's Captain Marvel is the superior cinematic effort, and one of the more enjoyable comic book romps of recent years. Anchored by a very good performance by Zachary Levi as the eponymous hero, a light-hearted and joyous tone, and the rock solid premise of Big meets Superman, Shazam! had me singing its praises and saying its name from the second I left the cinema, and represents the latest step in an unlikely resurrection of the once flailing, fledgling DCEU.
13	Kalank		645,283		While the western Wikipedians are currently engrossed by Westeros and Wakanda, the money-making machines of Bollywood have not ground to a halt, with the latest blockbuster being a period drama revolving around the partition of India, starring Varun Dhawan and Madhuri Dixit, amongst many other of the foremost stars of the Indian film industry. Despite having earned the highest grossing opening weekend of the year, and raking in the crore, the film will reportedly struggle to recoup its gargantuan budget.
14	BTS (band)		614,605		Normally, this band and their "rivals" Billboard Social 50 score. But with BTS having their duet with Halsey breaking YouTube records, another song topping the British charts, and a musical guest appearance on Saturday Night Live , an exception will be made.
15	Crown of Thorns		608,052		Amongst the many archaeological treasures stored in the architectural marvel of Notre-Dame de Paris was a relic of the crown of thorns which, by biblical accounts, was borne by Jesus upon the cross on the hill of Calvary. The priceless artifact was endangered by the fire, but was rescued by brave French firefighters, preventing its destruction.
16	Murder of Dee Dee Blanchard		588,841		A captivating murder case which has intrigued Wikipedians for weeks now as they watch The Act on Not Netflix, where the mother, and alleged sufferer of Munchausen by proxy, who falsely stated that her daughter suffered from a cornucopia of illnesses, and was subsequently murdered by her, is portrayed rather excellently by Oscar-winner Patricia Arquette.
17	List of Marvel Cinematic Universe films		560,526		You all know what this is, judging by its monumental box-office returns, so, as I have seen all of these films an inordinate, copious number of times, here is my ascending ranking of their quality: 21) Thor, 15) Captain Marvel, 14) Captain America: Civil War, 13) Ant-Man, 12) Spider-Man: Homecoming, 11) Ant-Man and the Wasp, 10) Black Panther, 9) Captain America: The First Avenger, 8) Doctor Strange, 7) The Avengers, 6) Captain America: The Winter Soldier, 5) Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, 4) Thor: Ragnarok, 3) Avengers: Infinity War, 2) Iron Man, 1) Guardians of the Galaxy
18	Elin Nordegren		555,978		Nordegren, a former nanny and the ex-wife of #2, has returned to the minds of Wikipedians worldwide following the remarkable return of her husband to the apex of golf. Perhaps best remembered for pursuing her husband with a seven-iron after his alleged infidelity came to light, seeing Tiger don a green jacket once again represented a trip through time for many, leading them to ponder what became of his wife following their divorce and $100 million settlement - the answer; earning a degree in psychology.
19	François-Henri Pinault		555,472		Pinault is the billionaire owner of a multitude of luxury brands, most notorious amongst criminal circles as the lavish leader of the gruesome Champions B-League , where they ran a solid Arsenal side close in the last 16.
20	Good Friday		538,276		The difference between a good Friday and the best Friday is the ability and willingness to cast an eye upon the bright side of life .
21	Nipsey Hussle		521,669		Nipsey Hussle, much like XXXTentacion last year, was an up-and-coming star in the rap scene who has died in an untimely fashion having been shot. Much like the aforementioned rapper, Hussle's murder outside his clothing store prompted an outpouring of public emotion and rise in prominence and poise of the rapper, as evidenced by the fact that Hussle remains in the report three weeks after his death, buoyed by a (oh so predictable) Fox News controversy and continuing memorials.
22	Hellboy (2019 film)		490,063		Lionsgate earn themselves a special round of applause for stupidity here, as they decided to not allow Guillermo del Toro (you know, that guy) to complete his planned, hitherto acclaimed and beloved, trilogy with Ron Perlman, and instead commissioned a reboot with Hopper, only to drive it into the ground with overbearing studio interference. Anyway, it has managed to muster 14% on Rotten Tomatoes (being compared to Fant4stic in the process), and bombed monumentally. Little else to say beyond a reiteration of my entirely sincere congratulations to the studio, given that I haven't seen the film, and neither have you.
23	2019 Indian general election		489,910		The largest election in history is underway, as an electorate of roughly 900 million take to the polls over a span of five weeks to determine the make-up of the Lok Sabha, currently led by Narendra Modi. He will face formidable opposition in the form of Rahul Gandhi, the latest member of India's most prominent political dynasty, armed with a powerful surname.
24	Game of Thrones (season 7)		483,622		Who are you, the proud lord said, that I must bow so low? Only a cat of a different coat had saw the truth and known. And a coat of gold or a coat of red, a lion still has claws, And mine are long and sharp my lord, as long and sharp as yours. And so he spoke, and so he spoke, that lord of Castamere, and now the rains weep o'er his halls without a soul to hear.
25	Emilia Clarke		478,550

Exclusions

• This list excludes the Wikipedia main page, non-article pages (such as redlinks), and anomalous entries (such as DDoS attacks or likely automated views). Since mobile view data became available to the Report in October 2014, we exclude articles that have almost no mobile views (5–6% or less) or almost all mobile views (94–95% or more) because they are very likely to be automated views based on our experience and research of the issue. Please feel free to discuss any removal on the talk page if you wish.
  • Kayden Boche: No good reason for this model's high views.

Note: If you came here from the Signpost article, please take any discussion of exclusions to this article's talk page.