Wikipedia:Peer review/November 2005

This page contains the Peer review requests that are older than one month, have received no response in the last two weeks, are not signed, or did not follow the "How to use this page" principles in some way. If one of your requests has been moved here by mistake, please accept our apologies and copy it back to the main Peer review page with your signature (~~~~).

Stairway to Heaven

I would like to know what you guys think of this article. I know it is not ready to be featured by this is my first time trying to get an article featured so I don't know what needs to be fixed. Any comments would help. Dan M 00:23, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Opening sentence should be more professional, than simply "a famous song", and include a year, writer, etc Sherurcij 03:46, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• The lead definitely needs to be expanded. Denni ☯ 04:05, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I'm increasing the lead by moving up the first few lines from the history section. However, I do not know where to put this:

It did, however, appear as a promotional disc in the United States, on an Australian acoustic EP, and in the 1990s as a 20th anniversary promo issue.

It doesn't fit with either the lead or the History section now. I'm leaving it in the lead, but it can't stay.

• From the article: This form would influence many other rock artists, notably Queen, who would use a similar structure for their opus "Bohemian Rhapsody". Needs a citation showing Queen was definitely influenced by Stairway.
• Needs an iconic picture of Page playing the two necked guitar. Article is lacking without it.
• "Our turntables only play in one direction—forwards" Great Quote, would love a citation.

My name is No Parking and I approved this message. 14:48, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Early life of Joseph Smith, Jr.

This article needs some special attention. It's highly controversial subject matter, and it needs a good going-over by several pairs of eyes, to ensure that all notable points of view are represented, and that everything is accurate, and that the citations are proper. We are hoping to get it ready for featured status, because Smith's 200th birthday is approaching on December 23, 2005. ''COGDEN'' 08:45, 15 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Great article. Good luck bringing it the FA: it would be a great addition to Wikipedia on the greatness of the man Joseph.

• Most recurring is to make sure that all sources (such as Norwich, Berge, Quinn, Mack, Vogel, Roberts, Tiffany, Lapham, Howe, Jesseeetc.) are linked to (at least the first time they are used), for ease of reference. If some of those aren't in the article footnotes, reference them.

Working on this. COGDEN 21:07, 22 November 2005 (UTC).[reply]

Done. COGDEN 00:31, 28 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• In summary, it says he was considered a martyr. Is this nessicary in an article on his early life? Think of a better way to end the summary section.

I removed the martyr reference. COGDEN 21:07, 22 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Put the citation for the leg operation at the end of the paragraph. Also, should the citations from books be changed to a number link, like so: [1], rather than a text link?

Done. The link style for citations to books with links is set by the templates, which are rather new. I'd expect them to change. COGDEN 21:07, 22 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Be more clear on the "warned out of town". Put a link to it. Was their vagrancy the only possible cause of this warning? If so, make it clear that only this theory has been put forward for this warning

Addressed. COGDEN 00:31, 28 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• In the last paragraph before religious background of the family, the article cites numerous refernces to him being a rather quiet boy. However, doesn't the JS - H state that he had a "jovial" manner? Add in the discrepancy, please.

I found a reference in Smith's history that he was "sometimes associated with jovial company", but that refers to the personality of those he associated with, rather than himself. COGDEN 00:31, 28 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Why was Western NY often known as the "Burned-Over District"? (I take it's because it was so "on fire" with the Spirit. Add it in for everyone's sake.)

Addressed. COGDEN 21:19, 22 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• "Prejudice against Smith may have taken place by clergy, it is largely undocumented" is a comma splice.

Addressed. COGDEN 21:19, 22 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• At the end of the article, you may wish to refernce the reader back to the article
  Joseph Smith, Jr.
  for the rest of his life.

Addressed. COGDEN 00:31, 28 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Fantastic article. Well done. Look forward to seeing it on the FA list. Trevdna 23:53, 21 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Also, come to think of it, shouldn't the lead-in picture be one of his earlier life, rather than "A daguerreotype photograph dated c. 1843", six years after the end of his early life? Trevdna 18:25, 25 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

That's a good suggestion. I'm looking for a suitable painting of him as a youth. I'm trying to avoid overly-romanticized ones, for NPOV purposes, but there aren't very many. COGDEN 00:31, 28 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

This article has been listed as a Featured Article Candidate. Please enter additional comments at the FAC comments page. COGDEN 05:16, 29 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Palpatine

This is the third peer review request for this article. The first two can be found here: Wikipedia:Peer review/Palpatine/archive1 and Wikipedia:Peer review/Palpatine/archive2.

I rewrote much of this article to emphasize the character's role outside the Star Wars universe per the guideline

The following words "he remembers" after the first sentence seem possibly awkward, but this is only my personal opinion. Could "he remembers" be changed to "remembering", "reminiscing" or something in a similar vein? LuciferMorgan 08:34, 27 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I changed this to "he recalled". Please let me know if you find anything else that sounds awkward or needs to be addressed. Dmoon1 12:01, 27 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Comment Very nice work so far. My main concern is whether the casual reader will be a little lost when reading the article, as even though I know the films and the character quite thoroughly, I was a little confused at parts. The "Appearances" section starts off fine, but when it gets to his role in Episodes II and III it starts becoming a little rushed. For example, Count Dooku and his relationship to Palpatine kinda come out of nowhere.

I expanded some instances where the narrative seemed rushed; I want to keep the plot sections as concise as possible. If you point some other examples out I'll see what I can do. Dmoon1

I found this quote in "Literature" to be misplaced: "These novels demonstrate how the Jedi are blind to Palpatine's true identity as a Sith Lord. In Shatterpoint, Mace Windu remarks to Yoda, "A shame [Palpatine] can't touch the Force. He might have been a fine Jedi." Eh?

I'm not sure what you don't understand. Mace Windu and Yoda, the two most powerful Jedi at the time, could not detect that Palpatine was Force-sensitive or that he was in fact a Sith Lord while sitting in his very presence; the last bit about him being a fine Jedi was a reference to his diplomatic and political skills, I think. Dmoon1 14:29, 29 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Characteristics section coming along, although I think a little more could be said about his lightsaber skills (he defeats three Jedi and Yoda in Ep. 3 after all) and his Force abilities (he manages to hide his plot from the entire galaxy). Also, no information about his deceptive relationships with his pupils. Maybe a mention of his racism towards non-human species as well?

His force abilities (including lightsaber skills) probably could be split into a separate paragraph. His racism is mentioned and a quote by Count Dooku concerning Sidious's views is there too. Dmoon1 14:29, 29 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I elaborated somewhat on his lightsaber skills. Dmoon1 22:06, 29 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I would get rid of the opening sentences in "Concept and creation" as the information is basically repeated down below. This statement, "Lucas's original conception of Palpatine was of a cunning but weak politician elevated into office and controlled by bureaucrats" needs a reference I think. Also, this sentence about Ian McDiarmid, "He became the artistic director of the Almeida Theatre in North London in 1990", is kinda unnecessary. Otherwise, that section is terrific.

Well, this is supposed to be somewhat repetitive since it is a intro/summary to the "Concept and creation" section. The same thing is done above in "Appearances". The bit about artistic director is there to show what McDiarmid was doing between Return of the Jedi and The Phantom Menace since there is this sixteen-year gap between the two films. Dmoon1 14:29, 29 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

While the whole article is comprehensive and successfuly avoids any cruft, I think it still needs a spelling and grammar run-through, as I saw a few too many typos and errors than normal. The only extra suggestion I can offer is maybe adding an image comparing Palpatine to Satan or such. Great work.--Dark Kubrick 03:25, 29 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I've run the text through a spell checker and there are no common spelling errors (there may still be a couple remaining); I can't speak for the grammar since I hate to proofread. I will print out a paper copy and go over it over the next day or so. Not sure what to do about an image comparing Palpatine to Satan. I haven't run across anything directly showing Palpatine as the devil, just that some academics have compared him to the figure. Dmoon1 14:29, 29 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the suggestions. I'll see if I can address all of these soon. Dmoon1 03:28, 29 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Comment I just read through the article and made some minor copy edits here and there. I've also hidden some requests for source citation where it appeared a direct quote was being given. Other than that, here are a few concerns:

The quotes come from directly from the film which is being described. Dmoon1 18:01, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

• A few terms are used that may be unfamiliar to non-fans. Sith, Expanded Universe, and Emperor's Hand. Some of this can be remedied by adding a couple of words of explanation. For example, perhaps in the intro: 'In reality, Palpatine is a powerful lord of the evil Sith sect . . . " or something.
  • Did the best I could with this one. Dmoon1 17:57, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
• The article asserts that Palpatine is 'a symbol of evil and sinister deception in American popular culture." This is true, but is it only in America? Does the character not have the same associations in other countries and cultures where Star Wars is popular? I'd think that at least Canadian culture would have this association, but maybe not?
  • All the examples I found were American (this statement is almost exactly like the one in Jabba the Hutt). Dmoon1 17:57, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
• Throughout the "Appearances" section, consider changing a few more sentences to describe what authors and directors are doing. For example, instead of "in the 1999 prequel film Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Palpatine is introduced . . . " to "in the 1999 . . . Lucas introduces Palpatine . . . ."
  • Changed a couple of these. Dmoon1 17:57, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
• The article is way overlong, and I think the "Appearances" section is to blame. I think it goes into way too much detail about Palpatine's role in relatively minor and secondary books and cartoons. I honestly think you shouldn't be devoting more than a sentence or two to anything but the actual feature films. Maybe Dark Empire or some of the stuff where Palpatine is indeed a central chracter. But he's almost not even in the Clone Wars microseries, yet that cartoon gets its own section! In short, I would take a long, hard look at the "Appearances" section and think about scaling it back by half or more.
  • I edited down the literature section, but I must disagree about the cartoons and novels. I'm not sure what you mean by secondary (to the films?), but they are important. Palpatine/Darth Sidious is influencing the entire plot of the cartoon (but I only chose a few of the more notable examples). The cartoon is not like some of the obscure video game references that have tried to pop up in some of the articles recently. It is critically acclaimed and has won several major awards. Additionally, almost all of the Star Wars novels have appeared on the New York Times Bestseller list. But you are right concerning the bulk of these sections, and it has been trimmed considerably look more like the literature section of Jabba the Hutt. Dmoon1 17:57, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think most of the KB length is being generated by the footnotes. It's probably around 35 KB, not 55. Dmoon1 17:57, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
• I removed some asides about other characters that do not have any direct pertinence to Palpatine (Vader's struggle between good and evil, Mara Jade's future nuptial).
  • This was on my to-do list. Dmoon1 17:57, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
• Some of the quotes from interviews are given in the present tense ("Lucas says"), while others are in the past tense ("McDiarmid remembered"). I think either is acceptable, but try to make it consistent one way or the other.
  • Taken care of as many of these as I could spot. There may be some I missed. Dmoon1 17:57, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
• I agree that the line about McDiarmid's life between trilogies (as an artistic director) should be cut. The article's about Palpatine, not McDiarmid.
  • Removed this line. Dmoon1 17:57, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
• The quote from John Shelton Lawrence seems to be referring to Star Wars action figures in general, not specifically to the Emperor's. I'd cut it.
  • The quote is explicitly about Palpatine and Luke Skywalker, you can see the actual page here.

That's it. I think that if the "Appearances" section is trimmed with a hacksaw, this will be a good Featured Article Candidate. Here's to hoping you turn your attention to Chewbacca next! — BrianSmithson 09:43, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

• • Thanks! I definitely appreciate your feedback and will address as many of your concerns as possible. Dmoon1 17:57, 30 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Objectivist poets

Another Modernist poetry in English offshoot, two and a half thousand words on this 1930s poetry movement. I feel I'm growing tired on it and need any help, advice, suggestions etc you can give. Thanks in advance. Filiocht | The kettle's on 13:45, 14 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Not related to the article, but is there a reason this isn't at

t 08:48, 15 November 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

I take your point, but

Objectivist poetry would be better, I would not oppose the move, however. Filiocht | The kettle's on 08:59, 15 November 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Actually,

t 19:15, 15 November 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Yes, but it has a long history, not just a single line creation. Filiocht | The kettle's on 08:24, 16 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

What can I say, it's perfect, the author's prose hypnotizes and makes it impossible to miss anything. I don't think this should be puffed up in any way—is there something wrong with this kind of length? Not in my book. However [with an effort], the poetry? Actual quotes? Would that be a copyright problem? "Fair use" is a pretty generous criterion when it comes to quoting for the purpose of critical discussion, I think.

Actually, I have a minor rhetorical point: lead section structure. Even though the title is about the poets, I assume Objectivism will be a redirect, and one via which the reader will be quite likely to arrive. The lead is most specifically for the ignorant, and it seems to take rather long before the concept of Objectivism is explained. I'd like to hear what it is before being told who its practitioners were, and especially to hear as soon as possible the bit that explains why it's called Objectivism—such an off-putting name—i. e., the "to treat the poem as an object" bit. In the first sentence, if possible

Even more minor: you speak of the "condensation" of Imagist poetry. Is that a technical, or commonly used, term for it? Or just a synonym for conciseness, concentration? I got a little diverted by associating condensation with Freud and the Interpretation of Dreams and psychoanalytic lit crit: Freudian condensation is where a single dream event (or metaphor in language) refers to more than one anxiety, or chain of associations.

Or were the Imagists a bit Freudian, and therefore used condensation in the Freudian sense as part of their definition of Imagism? Like, the petals on the wet, dark bough would be at the intersection of several chains of association? ...I guess not? Sorry to not have anything more helpful; you'll have to look to Geogre. --Bishonen|talk 01:20, 17 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for this. I have tweaked the lead. What do you think? I'll also add some quotes from the poetry over the next day or two: it's a mater of reminding myself of which texts exactly appeared in the Poetry special issue and the anthology. I also changed condensed. Filiocht | The kettle's on 08:49, 17 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I have added 3 sample poems from the Poetry issue, what do you think now?

Dawson Creek, British Columbia

An article on a small town in northern B.C., population ~10,000 people. I would like someone to help with the prose and the reference formatting. Plus, comments on how to improve would be great. --maclean25 16:19, 9 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Well, to me at least, this looks like an excellent article. I only saw one format issue and that was a pair of tables that overlapped in the Government and politics section. (It's probably related to the browser width.) You could possibly add some infrastructure information, such as hospitals, gas, electricity, and telecommunications. Also your culture and recreation section could have a paragraph on local TV and radio stations. Thanks. :) — RJH 15:57, 10 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Yes, the parallel tables have been a problem and it is a browser thing. Originally consructed them in Mozilla, then had to tweak them to work in Internet Explorer. Now they look fine on my browsers (at maximum expansion) but I don't know if it works on others with different settings. If anyone knows how to force the table to stay the same size (and in palce) while the browser window shrinks please let me know. The media stuff I've consider but never got around to (not my most favorite subject in the world). The infrastructure idea I haven't considered, but I will now. Thank you for your comments. --maclean25 16:40, 10 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]
    • In the header of the first table you could try, for example: style="float: right; margin: 1em;". That should prevent overlap, I believe. — RJH

• Pretty good comprehensive article. I'd like to try doing some copyediting, especially on the introduction and the first para of the history (too many "settlements" :-) ) but life is interfering with Wikipedia so I won't get to it until next week. I find the footnotes interfere with the text and most could be incorporated in it as they are not references. Like I said, I'll take a gander at it next week. You might want to include some climate data from [2]. See Dawson City for an example of what I did. 207.189.233.198 21:16, 10 November 2005 (UTC) Somehow, I was logged off. It's me: Luigizanasi 21:17, 10 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Luigizanasi, where do you find those wonderful sources? I noticed that website has climate data on other small cities (like, Taylor) that I just could not find elsewhere. This will really help. Concerning the footnote style: it was something that made sense in the beginning, but it just kept on growing and growing. I'm going to have to turn them into plain old references and merge(?) the notes. --maclean25 01:02, 12 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• It's a decent article, but you should avoid the use of certain sentence structures. For instance, Dawson Creek’s unemployment rate was quoted at 10.4% is something you might find in mass media; it would be better stated as Dawson Creek’s unemployment rate was 10.4%. I think the Demographics section needs copyediting, because there are several such awkward sentences. Another (very minor) issue is that you link to relevant articles on their second occurrence in some cases, instead of the first. An example is transshipment, which occurs in the Demographics section, but a link to it is found in the subsequent section, Economy. Stylistically, don't use & when you mean and; personally, I also don't like the use of "B.C." - I'd favour province or British Columbia. Also, should the article use Canadian English? (I see a number of center etc.) The images are OK, though I'd prefer to see one that has a close-up (the Art Gallery maybe?) instead of numerous shots from a distance; it'll add variety to the images. The images under Economy and Transportation are remarkably alike; is there some way of getting the same information without making the images so similar? Overall, the article is good, and needs only a few minor tweaks. I've made many of those changes in a recent copyedit. Mindmatrix 19:55, 11 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thanks for the copyedit. The underlying cause of the points you mention above is that my background is in report-writing. I instinctively go for the short statements of fact using as few words as possible and don't write anything from start-to-end (but rather a piece here, a piece there). This is why I require help in the prose and getting it to flow well. Concerning the images, I will walk across the street and get a close-up pic of the art gallery when the weather clears up a little. I really like "The Mile Zero Post" image as the wind was blowing well when I took it. I think the "8 Street" image best captures the essence of the town and it looks really good when viewed at full extents. However, I realize it does not convey the intended message of retail activity as a thumb. I will need to take a walk around town and think about this. --maclean25 01:35, 12 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

1997 Pacific hurricane season

First review

First Candidacy

Second Candidacy

A twice-failed featured article candidate. While the article had much support, bold changes were made. Since the original comments may not apply, I closed down its nomination to seek peer review. I'd like to point out that the current formatting is different from every other season article. Miss Michelle | Talk to Michelle 00:39, 30 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

It's a pretty good article, I think, and covers the topic to a nice level of detail. The only part that caught my eye were the Super Typhoon Oliwa and Paka. These are covered on the 1997 Pacific typhoon season page, and are out of sequence with the others. I know they are mentioned in the introduction, but an explanation of the names in those two sections wouldn't hurt. Thanks. — RJH 16:34, 9 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I added in the Oliwa section that tropical cyclones are not renamed when they cross basin boundaries in the Pacific Ocean. Miss Michelle | Talk to Michelle 23:57, 9 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Dhul-Qarnayn

This is an article about a controversial but obscure subject related to

It'd look better if the double dashes were replaced with an mdash (& mdash ; without the spaces, looks like this: —). CTOAGN 15:01, 18 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Communes of France

Any comments? David.Monniaux 10:50, 15 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• I think I have identified several issues to be getting on with:
  • To achieve FA status it needs a picture or two. I suggest a map demonstrating the size of a few communes in a well known area, a road sign effectively saying "Welcome to the commune of..." (if such things exist), an image of a legal document containing the law which introduced the commune, a picture of a significant politician in the creation of the idea of the commune during the French revolution...
  • The references could be bulked out if any more sources were used with maybe one or two in English for verification of facts.
  • The latter part of "Intercommunality" needs to be Wikified.
  • The links at the bottom of "Status of the communes" should be moved to the bottom of the article in footnote/reference form.
• I hope this helps. --Oldak Quill 13:43, 18 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Attic calendar

This entry has been rewritten. I'm in a state of photocopywrite intimidation and wasn't really intending to put it up for FA but would appreciate any responses or suggestions about the entry. Flounderer 01:47, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

The grammar, puntuation and layout are bad. I've done a fairly heavy copyedit of most of the article (I didn't get all the way through). There are a lot of sentences with multiple dependent clauses. These make the article very difficult to read. Go through the article and break up any sentence with two or three clauses into smaller sentences. Have a good read through the Wikipedia:Manual of Style. It gives good examples of how to put an article together. Have a read through some of the better Wikipedia articles on calendars, and try to emmulate their style of writing. --Gareth Hughes 17:42, 17 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for taking the time to copyedit the entry and in particular for improving the look of the tables (I was fumbling my way there and the help pages on tables in wikipedia could be a little easier for a newcomer to use!). And you are right that many sentences are convoluted, even if I don't share your dislike of sentences beginning with "And...." Flounderer 01:58, 18 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Streetlight Manifesto

previous PR

Elbert Frank Cox

• It needs an image to be able to be featured, but what else does it need? More maths, perhaps? I spent all day working on it, it's well sourced, and contains quite a lot of interesting information. What do you think? It somehow does not read like a well-written article (I'm not a native speaker). Perhaps it just needs a minor rewrite by a native speaker who can write very well?
  TEDH 21:03, 2 October 2005 (UTC)[reply
  ]

-- Avocado 23:06, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your comments, I will have a look at it tonight or tomorrow (sorry that I saw it only now).

TEDH 17:07, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

I have taken this article as far as I can go, based off memory, recent articles, archived articles, and from practical experience with the intersection (driving by it twice). It is missing a couple of pictures (the memorial, and the crossing itself), and a diagram to better explain the picture, but those can be done later. Mostly looking for proper grammar and punctuation. --Rob 18:03, 25 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Good job. Nice read, just made a few copyedits. I remember this happening. InvictaHOG 00:25, 26 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Looks pretty good. It might be useful to include more information on the make-up of the passenger train, the frequency of trains, etc. I think that what would be really helpful is a description of the sequence of events leading up to the crash. Also, it might be helpful to include more information on the make-up of the commuter train, the frequency of commuter trains, etc. JYolkowski // talk 02:27, 31 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

The Indian Institute of Planning and Management

Reasons

1. So called detractors not identified. Most of the article is based on hearsay. No facts provided
2. Please verify sources.
3. For personal attack and opinion
4. Most of the article has the tone, its believed, detractors have said, etc.
5. The article is heavily depended on single source JAM magazine. There are hundreds of article about IIPM in reputed Indian newspapers, Websites. None of them have been cited in this article.
6. Refer to the quote in the beginning of the discussion page, which broadly states the agenda of this article, which in itself is against the spirit of this wiki

" IIPM will pay heavy price for misleading indian. Business in the name of Business education won't work anymore"

OpenBSD

I feel that the OpenBSD article has matured a fair bit recently, but that it could use filling out and review from eyes beyond just NicM, SimonMorgan and myself in order to truly become worthy of being featured. There are still sections and information yet to add to the article, but I am reasonably satisfied with it as is. --Janizary 03:43, 3 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• A few things: does the dev section really need to be that high up? How is OpenBSD in terms of GUIs? casually reading through it, it sounds like a scary hardcore command line unix. True or myth? Screenshots might help here, I dunno. Plus: there are quite a few red links. This isn't really a bad thing for the article per se, but does make it suboptimal. And... that's it really; some of the "flavor", if you know what I mean, is missing, but it's pretty good as is. --
  (talk) 04:14, 4 October 2005 (UTC)[reply
  ]

• Do you mean normal GUIs, like KDE and whatnot, or GUI configuration tools? I feel the former are already mentioned quite enough in the Desktop section. GUIs have no more - perhaps less since desktop uses probably make up the minority for OpenBSD - to do with OpenBSD than they do with FreeBSD, Linux, etc. If the latter, a few words might be appropriate, but it may be tricky to put in a neutral way. Some actual OpenBSD (not X) screenshots (booting? what else?) could be a nice idea. NicM 07:53, 4 October 2005 (UTC).[reply]

• This is a good article, but it seems to emphasize the developer and hacking aspect of the operating system a little too heavily. Large sections are devoted to this, including a list of developers (if this is really necessary, it should be moved down to the bottom of the article). There seems to be too little coverage of GUIs under OpenBSD. Now, the project web page hardly mentions GUIs at all, but presumably they can be made to run equally well under BSD as under Linux.
  Talk 18:34, 8 October 2005 (UTC)[reply
  ]

• The reason for this is that OpenBSD doesn't have GUIs, that is X that deals in GUIs. It is mentioned only in the Desktop section of Uses because it is only a very small part of what OpenBSD is able to do and those GUIs are dependant on X and not OpenBSD at all. Janizary 18:39, 8 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
• Even the Linux article only has a paragraph about GUIs, why should we do more? We do already link to the KDE and GNOME articles. OpenBSD is not focused on and it's strengths don't lend it to GUIs, even though they do run fine (but don't forget most are ports, not part of the project). NicM 20:13, 8 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Hi there! I don't usually review content but considering I know the subject matter quite well... here we go!

1. First off, you're going to need a lead at least two paragraphs long for an article this size - see
   WP:LEAD
2. General issues with whole article:
   1. Where are the references?
   2. Too developer-oriented and too many unexplained buzzwords (CVS, etc.) - you're going to need to explain these in layman terms. Yes, I'm a developer and know these things so this article reads well for me of course - but please keep in mind not everyone is a developer :).
3. "History" might benefit from a section intro here. In addition
4. "Schism" - this has some serious POV issues.
   1. For one, the treatment of Theo's departure from the team is very one-sided - WHY did the developers lock him out? Did he submit faulty commits? It doesn't say immediately and insinuates plenty of conspiracy theories here before getting to the supposed reason.
   2. In addition, this reads more like a novel then an encyclopedia IMHO... try rewriting it just a bit (the writing itself is pretty good).
   3. " he found that NetBSD developers had been encouraged not to talk with him about the issue"- WOwOW! If you are going to say that you BETTER have a reference for such a claim!
   4. Also, when was OpenBSD 1.0 released (was there a 1.0?) - it should probably say here.
   5. In addition, consider splitting off a bit either into a seperate section or doing something, as this is bigger then the other sections
   6. "he only reason officially given is "because of philosophical and developer personality differences"" - mind explaining this? Again, really fluffs it up in a very POV way. Also, "only" itself seems POV here, as if they needed a seperate reason, no?
   7. Paragraphs could be combined here to form two longish ones rather then the current way
5. "Focus"
   1. "Theo de Raadt was contacted by a local security software developer interested" - who was that developer?
   2. " exploit possible security flaws" - in what? I'm assuming in OpenBSD, but you might want to enlighten the reader :)
   3. "synergy" - neat word, but "relationship" is probably more appropriate here, LOL
   4. "OpenBSD would often go out of the way to do what was right, proper or secure, even at the cost of ease, speed or functionality." - yeah ->I<- know that, but you might want to give some examples for the poor readers, eh?
   5. Missing dates in general - i.e. "After years of cooperation, the two parties decided that their goals together had been met and parted ways." Its rather unclear when the relationship started (1994?) so the reader is probably lost time-wise by now....
   6. "As bugs within OpenBSD became less easily found and exploitable" - reword a bit, writing-wise a bit sub-par to the rest
6. "Here and now"
   1. "Despite being the largest reason" - largest here is quite clumsy, try "most prominant" or something similar
   2. In general, this section doesn't really belong in "History", or at least is misplaced a bit, as it details more the general goals of the project rather then something that happened in time which generally goes in a section like this
7. "Releases" - combine the first two paragraphs here...
8. "Nomenclature" - ambigous section title, consider using something more specific
   1. Delistify this, first off
   2. Don't wikilink -beta as its kind of odd, consider explaining a bit more a linking a seperate word "beta"
   3. Quote the things prepended with -
   4. Ending paragraph is too developer heavy and needs rewording
9. "Latest" - avoid this, as it makes the article time-based. Instead just list the versions and when they came out, along with their notable features
10. "Image and marketing" - "interesting" and "imaginative" are definately POV in this context. Do something like "widely considered to be" if you can get away with it
11. "Themes" - make the paragraphs here longer. Also, that list is really annoying - if it were me I'd put it into a table so that each entry only took up one line, but you can also either turn it entirely into prose or get rid of the "-" parts and collude those
12. "Mascot" - Something's not right with the list here. I can't put my finger on the exact problem, but I think there's a bit of context missing here...
13. "Slogans" - delistify both the lists here...
14. "Developers" - a normal reader is going to fall asleep on this section. WHY is this important? Needs more context... in addition consider using a more neutral word such as "recognized" instead of "notable" as it veers a POV-y. In addition, I'd make this a table instead of a list, but I suppose its not too bad as is, just a little long.
15. "Hackathons"
    1. Needs to be wikified more
    2. Paragraphs way too short... combine them or something
    3. "A brief summary" - well, if you're going to list them I suppose that would be "listing", eh? A table might be better for this too.
16. "Security" - especially nasty offender of short paragraphs and one-sentence paragraphs
17. "API and build changes" - thoughts here too detached and needs better flow in general
18. "Strong crypto" - strong is POV here, also use the full word "cryptology".
    1. "frustrate password-cracking attempts." - Consider something like "make ... more difficult" etc..
19. "Memory protection" - consider doing something here like killing the subsections here as they are extremely short
    1. "Stack-smashing" - kill the list here...
20. " Ports and packages" - short paragraphs.... well and I'll save you guys the trouble and not mention that again :)
21. "Licencing" - a lot of this stuff seems like it would go better in the history section.... anyway
22. "Highlights" - kill the list here... - "unacceptable licences" is POV in the current context
23. "XFree86" ewww... don't italicize quotes - if you want to highlight it blockquote it instead :)
    1. " He later added, "it seems like every 8 years or so we have to go through some period where someone tries to take free software and makes it less free because they don't feel they are getting enough credit."" this just reinforces a POV - get rid of it
24. "Uses" probably needs to be renamed
25. "Derivatives" - HMMM. I'd kill the list here and do a bit of rewriting to make it one or two nice long paragraphs
26. "Desktop"
    1. "From it's beginnings OpenBSD has been distributed with an X Windows system" say "derivative" or something afterwards or reword a bit.
    2. The second paragraph here is a pretty egregious POV offender :)
    3. Third paragraph has obvious grammer issues
27. "Forks of BSD" - merge this into "See also"
28. "See also" - seems kind of bare for the subject. Also, axe ones like hackathon as they are already wikilinked in the article.
29. "Books" - consider renaming this "Further reading" as a lot of articles have. Also, the place where to buy it reeks of advertising - I'd cut that out. In addition, consider using a reference style here that doesn't take up five lines a reference :).
30. "External links" "OpenSSH page" etc. - if the project has a wikilink here don't do an external link in addition to it :). "Free For All by Pete Wayner" needs a better description

WHEW! Well, I'll see you guys later :)

You are asking for things which, if you did know this material well, you would know are impossible. The Schism section is one sided because only one side has ever talked about it, period. All the items which are linked within the article are the sources of this information - including Free For All by Pete Wayner. Read it. Most of your whining is solved through reading, be it the OpenBSD site or the other parts of the article. "In October 1995, OpenBSD 2.0 was first released as a fork from NetBSD 1.0." Should point you to the fact that there was no OpenBSD 1.0, that it was a fork of NetBSD 1.0. Within Focus, you ask once more for things which are not disclosed - the company is never mentioned because Theo has never named it, likely because they wish to remain unnamed. The exploitation mentioned is in software, any code that the tools could find problems in, I thought that obvious by the way it had been worded - I will see if I can dumb it down a little for the more mundane. With the path of least resistance, those examples are later given, within the Licence section and Security section. If all you have to complain about is consistantly saying it's too developer oriented then there is nothing wrong with it - I have attempted to ensure the article is readable to mundane users but I will not remove good information from the article. You refer several times to not explaining words enough and using buzzwords, those words a linked so someone that doesn't understand can read up on what they don't know - that is one of the benifits of an online encyclopedia like this. You complain about point of view in the sections like Licencing - but this is stuff that the OpenBSD developers decided was unacceptable - that isn't stuff that is point of view, it is fact about their stance on licences, it is the backing proving the point. Infact, I cannot see any of these point of view violations you're talking about. So I'll have to ignore them, cause you're the only person to see them. I can't even see how quoting Theo de Raadt on the issue is a mark of point of view, it's stating exactly what happened and why. Regarding the Lastest release section, that doesn't seem like a problem to have dated information when the releases happen regularly and the information listed can be updated by anyone. I'll see what I can do about dumbing things down a little, but if you want something in Simple English, that's what the Simple English Wikipedia is for. Janizary 02:15, 12 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I'm sorry you feel I was "whining". I will cease commenting further then :). Take care :).

T | @ | C 04:42, 12 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Don't get me wrong, I do like that you were good enough to read the article and comment, just some of the stuff you mentioned has irked me - things which are covered in the article but you didn't see in it. Janizary 05:01, 12 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Theo's departure is hardly undocumented; if one looks through the NetBSD mailing list archives from around that time, the threads that lead up to Theo's departure are there for anyone to read. I know that Theo used to include some of the pertinent messages on his personal website - but they were cherry-picked, and hardly NPOV. --moof 08:05, 17 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

This is a big comment and some of it is fair. I might take a run through and see if I can define some buzzwords later on, a few simple definition might not hurt, even if they are covered in more detail on linked pages. Schism would certainly benefit from references, but Janizary is right that it is one-sided because only one side has ever been told (this is sort of explained in the section). I'll take a look at your comments on Focus section sometime, they are minor but not without merit, although I really want to avoid getting bogged down in tedious examples that people who are interested could look up themselves. Your comments on Here and Now and Releases are nitpicksminor (sorry, it's early :-) NicM 09:10, 12 October 2005 (UTC)) and I disagree anyway. I don't agree with Nomenclature comments except the last paragraph, I'll take a look. Image and Marketing - good point about POV, I'll fix it sometime. I don't really understand a lot of your comments about the lists, this article is trying to be a reference as well as an informative one, and lists are easier for uninterested people to skip than dense paragraphs. I think short paragraphs are a good thing in this kind of article so long as they don't cover the same part of a subject. Strong crypto(graphy) is a recognised phrase, not POV. Security, the centre two paragraphs could combine. I'll take another look at API and Build changes sometime. "Books" is better than "Further reading". They are books. I'll have a closer look at your other comments a bit later. NicM 08:25, 12 October 2005 (UTC).[reply]

Oh, some (many) of these comments are useful, even if I don't agree with them all, so thanks ;-). NicM 09:10, 12 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

*sigh* the point of peer review here is to get an article to featured standard and resolve standard objections raised at FAC, and what's raised here are suggestions that are not set in stone, but realize that I wouldn't have spent several hours pointing these out and it should be somewhat clear what is a light suggestion and what needs to be fixed (for example, if I say "kill the list" I mean someone is going to ask you to do the same at the FAC). I've done quite a few (something like 20 or something) peer reviews here already, so I'd like to think I have a decent idea of how it works :). Anyway, well, as for nitpicking, that's part of the whole point :). In general with lists you should only use them when you have to with featured articles - and people will object for that sort of thing. Same with short paragraphs - take a look at

T | @ | C 12:59, 12 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Also, to the both of you - please don't get so defensive about it. It's highly unusual around here mostly because as I mentioned these are suggestions from me/someone on how to improve the article, and the person may or may not be right.

T | @ | C 13:02, 12 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Well, if defensive is the term best used to describe us, we are that way because of how much we've done to the article in question. A great deal of historical and technical data has been taken from common sources and when people call what we view as plain fact a bias impression it will likely raise ire. Regardless, we do take even the critizisms with which we completely disagree into account and try to redevelop the article with the comments in mind, despite Maru and Andrew's comments making no sense to me, I have worked to try and expand the Desktop section and add Screenshots. Janizary 16:14, 12 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I wasn't being defensive. I was just pointing out (quickly :-) the bits I disagreed with and the bits I would take a look at, after a relatively quick reading of your (extensive!) list. Anyway, I'm going to work through your list properly now and see if I can fix some of them. NicM 18:31, 12 October 2005 (UTC).[reply]

Defensive? How about ungrateful. Ryan Norton takes a lot of time to meticulously criticize your article at your explicit request and the first thing you say after is that he is whining. How dumb is that. It seems like Ryan Norton has a big heart and is not bothered too much, but I think you can do better than your half-hearted attempt at back-pedaling and do a real apology.--MarSch 16:22, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

few see also's

I enjoyed reading the entire article and the only thing that I could find was that there are so few see also links. --MarSch 15:44, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Irish people

Hello. I have made extensive revisions to this article, and would like to submit it for the consideration of my fellow wikipedians for their thoughts, and hopefully helpful revisions of their own. Looking forward to hearing from you. Fergananim 18:39, 6 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Not being Irish myself, I nevertheless respect you folks a great deal. A COMPLETE article on Irish People would probably have to be a thousand pages long. However, some of your choices in the article in question are, well, odd. For instance, you have a list of folks of Irish descent who lived and worked outside Ireland and earned some recognition, also outside Ireland. The list includes Cyril Connoly, but makes no mention of George Bernard Shaw or Oscar Wilde. It contains the name James Duane, but, try hard as I would, I couldn't find O.Henry on it, or any of the Kennedys. And what is it so precious that Stephen King has but William Faulkner and Jack London don't? You see my point. Impressionist October 6, 2005

Thanks for the reply. The heading under which those people were listed was "Noted people descended from Irish immigrants"; GBS and Oscar were not descended from Irish immigrants - they were Irish. Faulker, Henry and London I did not include as I was not aware they had Irish roots. The Kennedys I left out as they are very well known. The point of the others was to avoid rehashing all the old familiar people of Irish descent and throw some light on new ones (especially Ali, Jimi, Ella and Juan). Hope that clarifys matters. Any other thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Fergananim 17:14, 7 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

In that case, I suggest you state clearly, and perhaps in so many words, too, that the purpose of the list is "to avoid rehashing all the old familiar people of Irish descent and throw some light on new ones (especially Ali, Jimi, Ella and Juan)". Besides, your article is an encyclopedia entry, not an essay with an agenda. Listing names, no matter how familiar, isn't "rehashing" in this case but just doing your job. The article on the United States, for instance, mentions that it's a country as well as a republic, although I'm sure even President Bush knows that. Impressionist October 7, 2005

Thanks for those pointers. Will include JFK and the others on that basis. Fergananim 19:20, 7 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I think there is too much repitition between this article and "

Irish Diaspora". There is no need for two articles on this so I think one should be merged into the other. "Irish People" has 49 links to it, while "Irish diaspora" has 40 - so I suppose the diaspora article should be merged into this article. Seabhcán 13:36, 9 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

I have no objection to the merger, but what shall be the title of the new article? Fergananim 19:06, 9 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I suppose "Irish people" seeing that there are more links to that name. We can make "Irish diaspora" into a redirect. Seabhcán 00:12, 10 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I thought the figure of 5.9million Irish people in Ireland sounded high, so I checked the CIA Factbook and it gave a population of just over 4m. Unless the article's referring to the peak population of Ireland, in which case the figure sounds a little low. Is 5.9m a typo or do you have another source? Thought you might have included N.Ireland in that figure, but even then it seems too high. CTOAGN 23:08, 9 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Northern Ireland has a population of 1.66 m and the Republic or Ireland has a population of 4.1m, so the combined population of the island should be about 5.7 or 5.8 m. Seabhcán 00:12, 10 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, but I don't think you can assume that they're all of Irish ethnicity. Leaving aside recent immigration, that figure must include hundreds of thousands of N.Irish people who consider themselves British. Wouldn't it be more accurate to just count those who are of Irish descent? CTOAGN 14:40, 10 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

If you mean the Unionist population in Northern Ireland, I don't believe that they think themselves non-Irish. They see themselves as Unionist, Protestant and often as British, and as different from the people in the south, but they consider their identity to be very much an Irish identity also. I think they see them selves as being British and Irish, in the same way as Scottish Unionists are both Scottish and British. Seabhcán 16:13, 10 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

The 5.7m is correct. The division into Northern Ireland and the Republic is only 80 odd years old, so talking about "Irish People" as solely those from the Southern 26 counties is essentially meaningless when you're talking about Irish People going back hundreds of years. Bandraoi 20:50, 10 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Is this going for a featured list or a featured article?

T | @ | C 21:26, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Barbara McClintock

McClintock was one of the big names of 20th century genetics. Does this article read-through ok for non-scientists? Is there anything that is missing or could be expanded upon?--

• I'm not sure of anything is missing yet, but it can definitely use some adjusting for the non-scientists. I'm a scientist (or at least studying to be one) and even I don't understand some of it. I'll try to fit in a review and some comments as soon as possible. - Mgm|^(talk) 18:47, 11 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• I read the article and feel it is very good overall. True, more detail could be provided but it's a well-crafted article. I've read a great deal on McClintock including Nathan Comfort's biography, and added some informtaion on his book and Fox Keller's biography as well as the citation for Comfort's book. Somewhere online I have seen a paper entitled "The Real Point is Control" written by Comfort on McClintock and this paper is very good. I am not sure if it is availible free of charge or my university subscribes to the journal it was in and therefore I was able to call it up. That said, I would love to see this article as a featured article. McClintock deserves it.--Mike 00:44, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Found Comfort's article:

• Comfort, NC. "'The real point is control': the reception of Barbara McClintock's controlling elements". J Hist Biol. 1999 Spring;32(1):133-62.--Mike 00:47, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Mike, I have access to that journal though uni, jugding by the size of it- it should be very useful for expanding or creating a section on how her ideas were recieved. --

• I plan to write an article for Wikipedia on Fox Keller: when I do, should I let you know so you can link her mention in your McClintock article?--Mike 04:23, 18 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • I already made a stub for Keller.--
    nixie 04:59, 18 October 2005 (UTC)[reply
    ]

As of 06/03/06, I think the amount of early life detail is fine. Could do with a 'private life' section detailing relationships, marriage(s), children etc or at least a statement if none of these apply.--ChrisJMoor 01:26, March 6, 2006 (UTC)

Indonesian Civil War

I created this article, mostly because the subject did not seem to be covered, and because this happened to be an area (

Gettysburg Address

This article has a previous peer review from October 2005.

• The linkage and citation style is horribly messy for such a well-researched article. Notice how when you add an inline external link (e.g. [3] adding a link that way) it throws the entire footnotee/endnote numbering system out of alignment. This is likely the result of multiple and/or inexperienced editors. I recommend converting the inline links to do one of the following: highlight a particular word in the sentence (like this) to prevent them from being numbered and thus interfering with your references; or add them to the references list, which only has the footnoted sources at present. One place where both of these suggestions apply is the penultimate paragraph under "Themes and textual analysis", where you have a link to your source and another to the biblical quote. Your source should be in the references section, possibly with a footnote to it, while the biblical link (if necessary) should be in the form of "Psalm 90". Also, in one place you have three individual footnotes after a sentence, which link to pages 1, 2 and 3 of the same source; this is frankly unnecessary. With a good deal of careful editing, this can be a fine article. --Vedek Dukat ^Talk 19:16, 17 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'll go further and say that all links to outside websites should be in the references or external links sections. Inline external links aren't acceptable for a featured article. Also, remember that punctuation is always outside the quotes (e.g. And then he said, "this is a quote", and the people laughed.) And be sure to add non-breaking spaces whenever you use units (I did the first one). That said, this article is really looking good; nice work. --Spangineer^es (háblame) 19:29, 17 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

First of all, thanks for the feedback and changes, and also thanks for the other people who have dropped by to touch up the article since this peer request was posted. (Especially for the huge help with the mechanics of referencing). There seems to be some debate about external link citations in the text, so I'm not sure what to do about that. Also, Spangineer, according to both the

WP MOS on punctuation and my own dim recollections about grammar, more than one punctutation style is considered "common usage" but my preference is for the older style, which generally incorporates the punctuation inside the quotation marks. I am flexible on this point, however, especially given your kind contribution, so I hope it's not a big deal.  :) Kaisershatner 13:54, 19 December 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

I disagree with the WP:MOS on this one, because I'm used to the American standard of always inserting the punctuation inside the quotes, but according to Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style#Quotation_marks, we're supposed to "include the mark of punctuation inside the quotation marks only if the sense of the mark of punctuation is part of the quotation." Honestly, it's not a big deal, but I'm sure that someone eventually will come along and change them all. As for external link citations, if you take a look at some recently featured articles, you'll notice that they put all external link references in the notes section. Some people insist that there be no links in the text, and others don't really care either way, so the links invariably get moved to the notes or references section.--Spangineer^es (háblame) 15:34, 19 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

History of Albania (1945-1989)

What can be done to make this better?

This seems to mostly be taken from the Library of Congress country study, which is generally quite good, if dry material. The most important thing is that the article needs a new and more descriptive name. "Communist Albania" or "History of Communist Albania" would be far superior. Simply listing dates is useless for readers who don't already know the subject. It also very much needs a

lead and more images. - SimonP 23:51, 17 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Right - more images - Right now its pretty dry, I'm afriad (not that that will draw objections, one hopes). Other than that the lead needs to be a bit longer and there are many short paragraphs. Also, could use some external links. Maybe consider a section re-org too - its really quite dry with just nine sections one right after one another...

T | @ | C 22:17, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Thank you, I like this article. However, I suprised that the statement that this trial led to the abolition of trial by jury was not reprised later on in the article. I would have thought that, if the trial had such important consequence, a section on Consequences of the trials should be added. There are, also, a few places where the prose style turns into a slightly rambling narration. I would advise that you read through the article again, and rewrite sentences to a more encyclopaedic and objective style. However, this is good stuff: keep it up. --Gareth Hughes 18:03, 17 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your positive comments and constructive criticism. I am reading the judgement in its entirety and hopefully can write more on the Consequences of the trial. The part on the abolition of the jury trial is mentioned in the jury trial paragraph, but I will move it a different para to better highlight it. By the way, do you find the problem with the prose style throught the article or in any specific para. Just asking, so I don't go overboard while cleaning it up. Thanks again. --Pamri • Talk 06:16, 20 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Very interesting subject and good work collecting the info. If the tone is improved by avoiding use of present tense while narrating the story and sound less like a newspaper report, and the section headings are reworded and copyedited, this article can become an FA. -- Sundar ^{\talk \contribs} 14:04, 20 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Very good and clear article overall, but I too would like more on the consequences of the trial and its aftermath insofar as how such changed legal practise in India. Also, shouldn't Mumbai be also identified as Bombay in its first mention as it was Bombay at the time these events transpired?--Mike 00:48, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Carmen

I would eventually like this page to be an FA candidate, are there any issues? (Other than a lack of pictures). --Alexs letterbox 04:09, 18 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I quickly scanned the article and have some comments:

notes: The link to the second note doesn't work; the labels probably don't match. More notes would be better. Consider searching for the sentences containing the word most or words ending with -est to see if there is a way to justify these claims with a footnote and reference.

links: You did a good job with your article linking and avoided over-linking. I don't care for red links and you avoided an excessive number of these also. In the few cases where there are red links, verify that there likely will be future articles on those topics and they will likely have the titles used in your links.

I also fixed a minor punctuation problem. JonHarder 00:18, 19 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Horror film

Has gone through major revisions in the past few months, now should be close to FA status, but apart from the obvious lack of references whats the opinion on this article? detailed comments and specifics welcome. Niz 17:58, 7 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

It's a good article. I think I'd like to see some discussion about the relationship between religion and horror. I.e. a lot of horror films draw upon the religious mythos, most notably catholicism, to justify their story line and the elements of horror and evil. &c. Also the article is very euro/hollywood-centric. Is there anything to tell about horror films from Asia, for example? — RJH 15:53, 8 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Hmmmm. Short paragraphs are a problem here. Other then that I can't help but thinking there is something big missing here... perhaps on seperate section on how phsycology influences these? I don't know its just an idea. Feels like its missing something....

T | @ | C 21:30, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

which paragraphs do you consider too short? what do you mean by "how psychology influences these?" influences what? Niz 23:07, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

It is quite good but definitely not a Feature yet. Sentences like this one: "The Canadian film Cube (1997) was perhaps one of the few interesting horror films of the 1990s" just reek of POV. Yes it is qualified with "perhaps" but I think its just an unnecessary opinion. In re: the discussion of psychology, there is a lot that needs to be added here, just one example is 70's American horror directors who brought their experiences of Vietnam and that tumultuous period of history into their work. The lack of Asian or extremely low-budget third-world cinema is also of note. I would say it needs a lot more work and expansion. Many of these expansions could be made in other articles specific to national cinemas and genres, but those need to be created and linked at the bottom. I also read some of the Talk re: use of the term mysogyny and I think this needs to be clarified, expanded, or removed to make it a meaningful reference. I would love to see this article get feature status as well but it feels like there are huge pieces of history, information, and theory missing yet. Powers of i 20:12, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Chicken soup

I've made a lot of changes to this article recently. I nominated it for featured article (yes, I know, probably should have listed it here before doing that), and made changes in response to some of the comments raised by the nomination. I'd like to get some feedback as to how the article could still be improved - even better, see some more people editing it. Thanks. See also: Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Chicken soup/archive1 --Woggly 14:53, 20 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Woggly - most of the stuff I'd say is already said in the FAC nom - pay special attention to the structure mentions...

T | @ | C 02:30, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Shouldn't be on PR and FAC lists simultaneously. Tony 02:34, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Quite observant - I removed it from FAC. Looks like Woggly needs help so I'll try to remember to comment more later...

T | @ | C 02:36, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply

]

Interesting. It goes a bit heavy on the Jewish side of it, beware of NPOV (although you've done well so far). However, there simply isn't enough meat (excuse the pun) the make this FA. Yet. HereToHelp 18:43, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Planetary habitability

As good a lay science overview as you'll find on this topic. Looking for more feedback in the hopes of an FA nom. Anything forgotten or not mentioned? Marskell 12:58, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Quick tip, seperate the book- and online references from the regular external links and put the references (both book and online) under a ==References== header and the "regular links" under ==External links==. I'll try to read it in more detail later. - 131.211.51.34 09:44, 17 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Actually all the links under References and External Links were used in the article. I did as you suggest split the two headers. Marskell 09:38, 20 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
• I'm curious as to why you ignored the seminal work, "Habitable Planets for Man" by Stephan H. Dole, published in 1964? I know it's probably a little dated now, but it covered the subject in excellent detail. — RJH 16:53, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • I live in the Middle East and have absolutely no library access. On-line PDFs, or books I stumble across, are as far as I can go. By all means, if you have anything from that source to add go to talk there or here or simply be bold and add it—particularly, if there is an unaddressed topic I would like to know. It occured to me today, for instance, I should probably address gravity and habitability.
  • I would, of course, be a little leery of adding stats from 1964 as so much has changed (estimates of our sun's HZ, attitude toward Red Dwarfs, knowledge of exoplanets which was of course non-existent then). The research that appears "seminal" at this point, is James Kasting's many many papers and the Turnbull & Tarter HabCat selection criteria. Marskell 17:13, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
• I went ahead and fixed the captions (no italics and rewrote the first one). Also, links are not supposed to be part of the section title; rather, use the template below. I've fixed this in the article, though.

{{main|MainArticleGoesHere}} becomes

. HereToHelp 19:13, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• • Yes, main article is better, TY. I more or less reverted the caption though, sorry--plz no "many," "some" theories etc. These aren't used in the article (if they are I suggest they go). Also, I'm ambivalent about removing italics. This image means this and subsequently a quote is pulled from the text. One or the other should be italicized. Marskell 22:26, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Fernão Mendes Pinto

I believe this is article has did very well, and is well referenced. There is one more reference(online),that I guess would be considered a note(?) from the top but other than that its completely referenced. I'll add it soon. The introduction is long enough for the article. Falphin 15:39, 15 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• I don't have enough time today to thoroughly read the article but I'll give you a few token comments to show that you're not being ignored :). The references need to be formatted correctly using the templates which have been created for this purpose, eg. {{Book reference}}. The article also appears to be an extensive biography without sections on his legacy and following... I hope that helps. --Oldak Quill 13:34, 18 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thanks, I am waiting for a response from Kaisershatner about the references. I started a section(will need copyediting) on his legacy. I'm not sure what you mean by following though. Do you want me to write a section on the events taking place directly after his life? Thanks again. Falphin 00:41, 19 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I think you were right that many of the "references" should be "further reading." Kaisershatner 16:10, 20 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• • • I wasn't clear. What I meant by following is have there been any art works created in his honour since (statues, etc.)? That kind of thing. --Oldak Quill 11:54, 19 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
      • Not that I know of. Just the crater on Mars, an intermediate school in
        Almada, Portugal. [4]. I could possibly make a trivia section in prose adding that Pinto translates to "Young Chicken" in English. Falphin 01:24, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply
        ]

• The problem is not much is known about his early life. Everything on the net is already in there. I can expand legacy by perhaps including more information about each individual legacy although most of it will be a repeat of stuff already in there. Falphin 22:21, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]
  • After some digging I found something interesting, [5]. I also got his recounts of his early life from the website.

"Do I thus start my peregrination with a mention to what I endured in this kingdom [of Portugal], where I lived up to ten or twelve years in the misery and stinginess of my father’s house at Montemor-o-Velho. An uncle of mine – maybe willing to provide me a better fortune – took me to the city of Lisbon and enlisted me at the service of a Lady of noble generation and illustrious parentage. He certainly though this could bring the fruit he envisioned to me, if we consider the quality of the Lady and her family … Hellas, my uncle’s expectations didn’t succeed according to his plans, quite the contrary. After no more than one year and a half at the service of this Lady, I found myself involved in events that subjected my life to such a risk that, to save me, I had to rush from that house and fly away as fast as I could. Such was my fear that I noticed not where I headed, like one that saw death in the eyes and carried her close behind. Eventually I reached a quarry and was accepted in a caravela from Alfama I found ready to sail carrying the horses and goods that a nobleman was sending to Setubal …Next morning, while sailing across Sesimbra, we were boarded by a French privateer that ditched some fifteen or twenty men into our carvel with no resistance or contradiction by our men. In no time did he empty our boat of all its contents – valued at more than six thousand cruzados – and sunk it. The French pirate headed to Larache where he aimed to sell weapons to the moors, and took the seventeen of us that survived the attack, tied in feet and arms … One night he ordered [us] to be thrown into the beach of Melides, naked and barefoot, some with countless sores from the scourges they were offered, and in that garb we went the day after into Santiago do Cacem … My pour self with six or seven other no less destitute than me, went to Setubal where it befell my luck to be taken by a fidalgo of the Master of Santiago whom I served for the next four years upon whish he handled me to the Master of Santiago whom I served as chamberlain the following year and a half. And since the accommodation then in usage at the houses of the princes was not enough to my sustenance, I decided to board to India, offered to any venture, good or bad, that would happen to me." Falphin 20:38, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Evan Mecham

I believe that previously noted issues with this article have been addresses and am thinking about submitting this article for another shot at FA status. Before going to FAC I would like some other opinions on the status of this article. --Allen3 ^talk 13:52, 18 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]

• Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ _t 15:33, 21 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Roger J. Traynor

I have been working on this article about Roger J. Traynor for a couple of months. This article is about the most accomplished state court judge in the history of California. Can someone take a look at it and let me know where it needs improvement? I would love to see it on the Featured Article list someday.

Also, I know that it would be nice if the article had a picture of Justice Traynor, but I'm not sure how to get one that's clear of copyright issues. About the only way I can think of would be to ask his heirs directly, but that might be awkward.

There is a really low quality picture of him in his New York Times obituary (I was able to access a scanned version of the article through ProQuest Historical Newspapers, which has scanned the full content of the Times back to 1851), but the Times picture is probably still covered under American copyright law, thanks to the Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act. --Coolcaesar 06:06, 16 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Hello? Anyone? I don't know if the lack of feedback is a good or bad thing. Can I safely assume this means I can go ahead and nominate my own article for the Featured Article list? --Coolcaesar 04:05, 19 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• • That would be a bad idea; this article isn't ready. It really just needs to be more indepth. I would turn the cases which are currently under bullet points into prose and expand their discussions. The references, etc. are good, but it would probably fail FAC as too short. More biographical detail might also be nice. THIS book might be helpful; if you don't have access to a copy, I could get ahold of it and take a look. Christopher Parham (talk) 05:22, 19 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I made a small contribution (longer intro telling us why we care about this guy, and moved up early life). There's a Robert J. Traynor honor society, according to Google. Include info about it. Also, the POV of the article clearly favors a liberal viewpoint - can it be more neutral? I'd be interested to see what the "conservative critics" cited had to say about his views. Kaisershatner 15:03, 19 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Uh oh. Now the article is actually more of a mess after you guys started editing it. I think putting it on the peer review list was a bad idea. Although I concede user Kaisershatner's point that the article needs work on POV, the misspellings that he and other users introduced certainly didn't help the situation (for the record, the guy's name is Roger, not Robert). I'll have to clean this up in a few weeks. --Coolcaesar 06:06, 23 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your understanding of my concerns about the POV. I dispute that I introduced misspellings, although that should be easy to fix in any case. I did refer to him as "Robert" above, but not in the article. HTH. Kaisershatner 15:03, 23 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Henry Cowell

The seminal figure in the flowering of modernist classical music in America is deserving of a featured article...whether or not that has been developed is the question. The article is supported by three daughter articles—string piano, tone cluster, and The Tides of Manaunaun—and one...er...brother article—Leo Ornstein. Any and all suggestions, dissensions, improvements solicited.—DCGeist 07:27, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• It's unusual that the lead almost entirely comprise a large slab of quoted text. Why not paraphrase the quote—or most of it—and in the body of the paragraph, perhaps quote just a sentence or two ('No other composer ...'?), with a reference citation at the end of the paragraph ([1]). Not sure I like 'Bible' in this global forum; 'fecund and right' is odd; so is 'radical and normal' without further explanation. It's a little hyped—more authority to be gained from being restrained at the top. So, you can do better than VT's raw words. I'd also like to know just a little about his style at the top, in not-too-technical terms. Just so I can place him in the history of 20th-century music.

• • I'm a little unclear on some of these comments—please elaborate: (1) Granted that the lead containing a large slab of quoted text is unusual—is unusual structure a problem per se? Might not unusual be unusually provocative and intriguing? (2) Thomson clearly uses "Bible" in a colloquial sense that has been common among English speakers for centuries—this is really a problem? (3) "Fecund and right" is unusual, to be sure—as it's an example of clear, strong, pungent writing and not the sort of meek, safe blandness that makes the average reader feel comfortable and sleepy—"odd," if you must, but really a problem? On the other hand, your implied point about "radical and normal" being unclear without explication is unquestionably well taken. Could you please sign when you reply? (Something I often forget to do first time 'round myself) —DCGeist 07:22, 23 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Are there one or more 30-second sound grabs that you could position at strategic points in the text to illustrate what you say about his style. The article would then come to life. See Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Composers#Guidelines for using sound excerpts. Tony 01:49, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• • Great idea. I'll get on it. Do you have a suggestion for a Wikipedia music article that presents such sound clips in a particularly effective way? —DCGeist 07:22, 23 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

I was going to say the same thing about the lead - I'm not sure if

DCGeist— WP's superb potential for illustrating text with musical excerpts has only just starting to be expoored (see initial my attempt at the top of Johann Sebastian Bach, an article I'm gradually rewriting before FA nomination. (I intend to add several more further down to illustrate claims made in the text.) Here, the excerpt is a whole track because I have rare permission to use it from a recording company. Otherwise, 'fair use' restrictions apply, and it's all the better if your text refers specifically to aspects of the music in the excerpt, or to the excerpt as a whole (i.e., educational function). Thus, using commercial recordings without permission is the way to go, but 30 s each is about the limit (starts of movements, I guess). The main features of Cowell's style might be illustrated in several short excerpts, and either referred to in the text ('Excerpt 1, 2, 3', etc) or the icon provided close by.

With respect to the long quote in your lead, WP should have enough authority to say this without directly quoting another source, at least, not a large slab. It's just not as engaging for the reader, and is certainly not 'provokative and intriguing'. By paraphrasing, you can deal with all of the other points. Tony 08:12, 23 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Xanadu House

I wrote this from scratch a long time ago, it has been copy-edited and worked on a lot since. What do you think? —

Good work on the article! Here are my concerns. 1) The introduction could be expanded. For an article of this length it should be about 2 paragraphs. 2) The interior photos have no source. If this goes up for FAC, that will certainly be questioned. 3)The section "Using Computers at Home" should be renamed "Interior" and combine all the subheadings. In addition the bulleted items should be turned into prose. The reason for renaming it is that it sounds more like a promotional brochure than an encyclopedia article. 4) The sections of the book listed in the final section aren't really necessary. 5) There are a number of one sentence paragraphs throughout that should either be expanded or integrated into other paragraphs. 6) I think some of the photos could be bigger in the article. It'll help to create a much nicer looking article. Good job so far, keep up the good work! *Exeunt* Ganymead ^Dialogue? 20:13, 28 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Thanks for the useful feedback. I have sorted out the sections, according to your suggestions. I have also sorted out all the images, two of the interior photos are scanned from a book (see the image pages for more detail). I have removed the book contents listing from the book section, and improved the book section as well. I have added another (relevant) image to the History section, which makes it look a bit nicer. I have also enlarged the main photo, you were right, it does look better. I've split the lead paragraph into two paragraphs, but they now need extending and I'm not sure what to write. Further suggestions, thoughts? Thanks. —
  Wackymacs 21:40, 28 October 2005 (UTC)[reply
  ]

Water resources

This article was nominated because as a wiki community we should work together to make an article as best as possible. I believe that this can be achieved through constructive critisism. Tarret 23:26, 30 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Nominated? Well unfortunately peer review is "for nearly featured-standard articles that need the final checking by peers before being nominated as Featured article candidates". Perhaps you wanted the
  article improvement drive page? At any rate there are a few things that could be added: the use of filtration for the production of water (if any), and water purification kits for use during outdoor recreation; something concerning the recent contamination of the water supply by relatively large quantities of medications, and possibly the availability of water sources for the exploration and settlement of outer space. Otherwise it looks like a good overall coverage of the topic, if a bit sparse in a few places. Thanks. :) — RJH 14:36, 31 October 2005 (UTC)[reply
  ]

• The history of water as a scarce resource. Prediction by esteemed scientists on water resources in the 21st century. Wars (or threats or wars) over water resources. These two essays Ancient Irrigation and Mining Water may be of use to you. Perhaps info from the USGS or from the International Water Resources Association would be helpful as well. – Quadell ^{(talk) (bounties)} 21:11, 31 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• The article does a good job of explaining what water resources are and how they are used. What if doesn't do is explain why the reader should care. As Quadell points out the scarcity of fresh water and the social and political implications of controlling the water supply need to be discussed in some depth to compelete the article. The treats to fresh water section is weak and should be expanded. There is no mention of how water is stored. A section on how water can be recycled and desalinated would also be a neat addition.--
  nixie 23:16, 31 October 2005 (UTC)[reply
  ]

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

See also Wikipedia:Peer review/Star Trek: Deep Space Nine/archive1.

This article has come a long way and is currently approaching critical mass, but still needs some more sourcing and (as mentioned before) book sourcing. However, in addition to general opinions, I'd like to focus on the reference system. For instance, the DVD extras are not consistent; in one I have "Westmore, Michael. Interview conducted on..." and another, with multiple references, simply says "Source: Whatever DVD extra". How should I go about integrating these? I could change "References" to "Notes" and, after listing the DVD extras in the References section, put notes stating who the interviewee was and what date (which is included in all interviews). Alternately, we might simply genericize all the DVD extras, i.e. remove specifics about who and when the interview was. Simply put, I'm not sure how to tackle this.

The other thing is in (what is currently) footnotes 9 and 15, two websites are listed in each note. Should these be changed to "formal" footnotes with "Last name, first name. Blah blah blah..." and included as separate? On #9 that would seem to be redundant, but I'm aiming for consistency, so as stated above, maybe I should scrap the last name, first name formality. Again, not too sure. Moulder 01:47, 3 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

It looks to me like the lists of main and supporting characters chould be removed from the main article because 1-they are already discussed in paragraphs about the main and then supporting characters and 2-there is a link to a sub article which seems to cover the same ground as these two lists. I did a preview edit removing the two lists and it took out about 7kb of material.--Dekkanar 02:00, 3 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Great idea, and yeah, that would make it a lot cleaner; the main cast is covered in the text and the recurring characters who aren't discussed are in the sub-article. It's also bugged me that people kept changing or adding on to the ranks part of the table, so this will solve that. I hope someone comments on the references issue though. Moulder 10:58, 4 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

• Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, AZ _t 01:28, 9 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Hypogeum of Hal-Saflieni

Please help me modify this article in the best way possible, following research I have done I want this aticle to eventually become a feautured article and I would be grateful if I can have your views on it, and on how it can be improved. Extensive research was done, the photo is taken from a government tourist pamphlet (1960?), and in my opinion it is uncopyrighted. The Hypogeum as one will not, is a unique worldwide site. There is NO similar prehistoric site in the world, therefore its importance is clearly significant.

I look forward to your views Maltesedog 15:00, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

First of all the Peer Review template should go on the article's talk page. Then the article is missing references , and definitely more descriptive text for each level. More pictures wouldn't hurt either, specially because the copyright status of the picture you provide is unclear. You could get rid of the "introduction" header since the lead is supposed to serve that function. You also need to clarify the meaning of the abbreviations in "Fr. Manuel Magri sj." and generally copyedit the text you already have. As it stands this article needs a lot of work. -- Rune Welsh | ταλκ | Esperanza 18:21, 21 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

- Fr. Manuel Magri refers to Father (Priest) and sj (Society of Jesus) - as he was a jesuit. I believe the abbreviations are correct.

- With regards to references most of the info provided is following personal notes carried out after a visit to the location.

- With regards to the picture that government pictures are uncopyrighted.

- I am looking to increase the number of photos

Look forward to hearing from you further advise on the matter Maltesedog 14:39, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• • • I added a list of references, related articles, categorised the article and included external links. What do you think now? Maltesedog 15:29, 22 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, the article is looking much better now. Do you have any source for your claim that Maltese government pictures are uncopyrighted (e.g. a website)? You say you took the picture from a pamphlet, so it may be that the government licensed the picture from some private photographer and therefore only the Tourism Ministry would have had the permission to use it. Do you know if any books or magazine articles have been written about it? You could include references from those even if in Maltese.

I still think you can considerably expand the description of the site, maybe including the reason behind better explanation of the names of the features in the second level.

I copyedited the text a bit of the lead text. And also expanded the abbreviation since you can't assume every reader to be familiar with them. Keep up the good work. -- Rune Welsh | ταλκ | Esperanza 15:08, 23 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• Copyright legislation is quite recent in Malta. I have traced the following website regarding crown copyright, I do not know if its useful to detect whether there are copyright implications with the picture provided. Actually the picture came to me as a cutting on itself, yet I quite sure it was taken from a 1960's tourist pamphlit. What I found is http://www.lexum.umontreal.ca/conf/dac/en/sterling/sterling.html

• I do not have knowledge of a book written directly on the Hypogeum. Actually much of its history is a mystery. There is not much detail which can be added.

• The stamp actually is a 2c5 stamp (2 cents 5 mils), I arranged this in a way which will clarify the meaning of "2c5" which is not the same as 25c. Mils were removed from the local currency system, even though certain prices of products do include mils which are than rounded. In this case, the stamp is an old stamp and no longer in use Maltesedog 17:08, 23 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• • My initial impression is that it's pretty sketchy. Of course, it could be that there really is no more worth saying about some of the rooms/chambers than one line... but then that may alsoimply that the subject isn't sufficiently engaging for a featured article.

• • • I will do my best to try and seek further information on the rooms even though its a mystery. I can't understand your phrase "pretty sketchy" in the sense you mean it. It took me personal time and research to have such article complete. Maltesedog 17:44, 23 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• • • • Hello, the above comment was by yours truly. Sorry I forgot to sign. I've been told on my talk page that Maltesedog is upset by my comments. Obviously that wasn't the intention. However, I'm afraid I can't really find fault with anything I've said. By "pretty sketchy" I merely meant that you have 7 sections, each having less than 4 lines, this suggests that either there is more detail that could be added or, possibly, that each room does not warrnat a section of its own and the whole temple could be described in one or two paragraphs that flow together.

I'm further informed that Maltesedog is a new user. It's brilliant to have you aboard and very gratifying that you've discovered peer review so quickly. I've been here for 18 months and was only dimly aware of this page and haven't contributed before. It's fantastic that you want your articles to be among the best on Wikipedia and I hope you'll stay on the project. However, criticism is a necessary part of peer review, so I'm afraid you will have to accept that as part of the process and try not to take any comments personally.

A featured article nomination cannot claim special favours by virtue of being nominated by a new arrival. It has to slug it out with the old hands on a level playing field. But don't be discouraged. Wanting a featured article is probably 90% of the battle and I'm sure you'll get there before long. Good luck. --bodnotbod 09:07, 24 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

PS, I haven't time to check these myself, but you may find some more info at this search or this page in particular. --bodnotbod 12:07, 24 October 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Guns, Germs, and Steel

Impressive article about impressive book. I think it is close to FA criteria - what do you think? --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus ^Talk 20:41, 5 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• It could stand to be a bit longer
• Fix the redirects.
• Get rid of the one sentence paragraphs.
• Don't use the abbreviation GGS without at some point letting the reader know what you are a abbreviating (it is indeed obvious to most people), but you should still add "or GGS for short" or something like that to one of the first couple sentences.
• You need to expand more on the domestic animals section. The fact that animals can pull plows is not an example, it is one of the main reasons. You need more about other uses such as horses in battle, cows for milk, etc.
• Wiki-link to animals when you are discussing them, even when it is in a bit of a tangent (I'm talking about the part about how African animals couldn't be domesticated.)

Sorry, I was only able to finish the synopsis section, I'll critque the rest tomorrow. -Greg Asche (talk) 07:37, 6 November 2005 (UTC) i think that the article is much to short and does not cover the importance of the book. Yes it's an excellent book; well worth reading if only for brain food. A good article too, although I think the actual coverage of the book itself could be expanded. :)[reply]

• One aspect I don't think I see covered in this article is the importance J. Diamond placed in the orientation of the continents. He argued that food crops (and some animals) are relatively easy to transplant along the same latitude, but very difficult to move to different latitudes. Thus the eurasian continent with its long axis pointed east-west can readily exchange useful food crops along the same latitude, whereas Africa and the Americas are less favorably oriented.
• There was also a television program based on the book which was broadcast on PBS. You might make mention of that toward the end.

Thanks! — RJH 17:34, 6 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• • The PBS documentary is mentioned in the lead. While this could use expantion, I don't think it is necessary in this article. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus ^Talk 17:39, 6 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

• The title of the article suggests that the subject is the book. However, the vast majority of the content of the article discusses only the ideas (and their criticisms) presented in the book. Who was the publisher? How many books were sold? During what period? How/When/Where was the book researched and written? Was it popular outside the USA? Did it have any impact beyond academia? Translation into a different medium, like a PBS documentary, requires its own section. Consider the Featured Article The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as an example of a great article on a book. Also, you may want to read this Science Magazine review of the PBS series here and this academic paper on the book's impact on the field of behavior analysis here. --maclean25 21:34, 6 November 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Architecture of Mac OS X

Written all by myself, based on documented technical notes from the Apple Developer Connection (Apple Computer's group for Mac developers worldwide). I have included diagrams, an explanation of what Mac OS X actually is, see also section, references, categorized the article, and tried to make it as easy to understand as possible, with wikilinks to other relevant pages for terms that need detailed explanation to be able to become understandable by a non-computer literate person who may be reading the article. It would be nice to know if my article can go onto Featured article status, because I think with creative feedback and the right changes made it fits the criteria. Thanks! —

Keep up the good work! —Preceding unsigned comment added by HereToHelp (talk • contribs)

1. Thanks for the comments on the article, I have added more specific reference links to the pages I actually used on the Apple Developer Connection website. To be honest, this was my only source, as well as other wikipedia articles, because Apple have documented everything in detail.
2. I don't think there is anything wrong with the images, all the images state why they are fair use and state their source as well, and also state which article they are being used in, and have a brief description. And they are low resolution really, but the compression I did was rubbish (the first image is 52kb alone), probably why load time was a bit slow for you, however the speed at which Wikipedia loads depends on your Internet connection speed, and the current status of the Wikipedia servers. OK, I have compressed all the images, they are now all considerably lower in size, espicially the first one which is down from 52kb to 16kb.
3. I'm going to expand the Darwin section. Done, it now says what it needs to.

—

I wonder how they'll react to the technicality of it all in the FAC room. I'll certainly defend it; I hang around there all the time. Tony 14:57, 26 October 2005 (UTC) [reply]