Wikipedia:Peer review/October 2006

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This page contains the Peer review requests that are older than one month, have received no response in the last two weeks, are not signed, have become featured article candidates, or did not follow the "How to use this page" principles in some way. If one of your requests has been moved here by mistake, please accept our apologies and copy it back to the main Peer review page with your signature (~~~~).

History of the board game Monopoly

Derek Ross must be given a lot of credit for expanding the history section of the original Monopoly (game) article. In doing some research of my own, I also expanded the section to the point where I thought it best to fork off the section into its own article, and thus reduce the size of the main article. History of the board game Monopoly has recently reached 30K in size, which is, I think, a testament to the amount of material available on the game. I have acquired many of the sources myself, to use as proper references (including three books by Philip Orbanes, one of which I've owned since it was first published in the 1980s, and even a self-published book on the game's early history, which can be purchased by contacting its author, or finding it on eBay). I have also added four images to the page (the patent reproduction image "came with the move"), all of which have proper fair use rationale. I am awaiting publication of Phil Orbanes's Monopoly: The World's Most Famous Game-And How it Got that Way to finish polishing some of the sections. For instance, I know the 2000 World Tournament was held in Toronto, but can't find the winner. Any help and advice is welcome. --JohnDBuell 03:31, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • Overall, the article is pretty good. Here are some comments (note that, since the article is pretty well written, personal comments are just that, and is not necessary to listen to them):
    1. Some cosmetic changes would be good (in example, moving the image found at Monopoly as a brand to the right to prevent clashing the See also title at 1024x768 or lower).
    2. No instruction, advice or ideas per
      Wikipedia is not
      (however, one can most likely avoid violation by producing a board and rules that are functionally identical while using different words and graphics.)
    3. Follow the
      dash guideline
      , instead of -- use mdash, and instead of - use ndash with spaces around it. In example, instead of money--with, use either money—with or money – with.
    4. References should follow immediately after the word or punctuation mark. In example, number 40 has a space. (1950s. [40]) There are others that need to be cleaned.
    5. Decide whether put punctuation marks inside quotes or outside it. In example, without "Rich Uncle Pennybags," and the car on "Free Parking",
    6. Try not wikilinking heading, per
      heading linking guidelines
      .
    7. Per
      conversion guidelines
      , don't use $300, choose an alternate (US$300, in example).
    8. There are a few red links; you may consider creating those articles, or unlinking them until someone else has time to write them.
    9. (Personal opinion) I hate
      ibid
      . I know it is professional, and this is my own point of view, but wanted to make it clear.
    10. (Personal opinion) I am guessing Image:Monopoly logo T-shirt and model cars.jpg, Image:Historic U.S. Monopoly game boards.jpg and Image:International Monopoly board game editions.jpg could be dual licensed.
    I will let someone else check the prose, I found it very well except in a few situations (like the previously mentioned one can most likely avoid...). Congratulations, you may have a winner here :) -- ReyBrujo 04:06, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Excellent and very quick responses, thanks! To the specific points: #1 - done. #2, that "came with the move" and has been removed (also added that the game is protected by copyright and trademark laws, not just one). #3-#5 I'll look at later, as a lot of that requires my eyes not to be so tired! :) #6 Done. #7 For this I might copy the disclaimer currently at the start of Monopoly (game) about currency marks, as it's really play money. #8 I'll think about - I've always been pro-red links, but I know there's a considerable anti-red link faction. #9 So noted; I've always used ibid. #10 - The photographs are mine, and original, but they depict items protected by law, so I'm going to leave them as fair use. I'm going to err on the side of not getting sued :) Thanks again! --JohnDBuell 04:28, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
After having another look, it seems that only two uses of $ had to do with play money, which was still US Dollars at the time (no editions had been published outside the USA yet). All other references had to do with "real" money, so I changed them all to US$. --JohnDBuell 04:34, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Oh, don't misunderstand me (I stroke something I should not have written, must be the hour). I don't really care about red links, but if those links are notable enough to become articles in Wikipedia, it is better to have them as stubs rather than red links for several reasons: anonymous users can't create articles, but they can expand; new users can create articles, but rarely stub or categorize them, while you should be able to do both (and indirectly help me having one less article I need to discover while browsing linkless articles); and a casual user searching for information about a determined article can at least read the stub without having to first find the Monopoly article and then going to the History of the board game Monopoly one. -- ReyBrujo 05:05, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
A minor comment, but one that concerns accessability: using "ibid." is not a good idea in an encyclopedia that is intended for the general public. Most people aren't used to footnotes nor the standard shorthand notation of academics. Simply writing out the source isn't going to bother anyone even if it's repeated a few times.
Peter Isotalo 09:23, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I'll have a look at changing some of the "Ibid." statements. The <ref> system IS the current de facto footnoting standard, but the current
WP:TITLE, specifically: "Generally, article naming should give priority to what the majority of English speakers would most easily recognize, with a reasonable minimum of ambiguity, while at the same time making linking to those articles easy and second nature." Because even the main game article itself is Monopoly (game) (due to the existence of economic monopolies), I felt from the moment I forked off the article that "History of Monopoly" would be asking for trouble as it's too ambiguous. --JohnDBuell 11:52, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]
If you want to appeal to academics, use "ibid.", but not if you want make it accessible to a wider audience. But using dashes instead of a hyphens...? It sounds like a very subjective and overly detailed recommendation to me.
The title issue doesn't seem all that irrelevant to the PR, so I've responded
over there
.
Peter Isotalo 12:24, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I thought the ndash request was odd, it's the first I've seen it, and would mean I've been "incorrect" in a lot of ref tags. Still, with a proper text substitution, I don't see that it or the spacing/punctuation issues that ReyBrujo mentioned would be difficult to do, it's just not something I really had the spare time to do during the day. Same would apply to ibid. tags - looking through recent FAs, there's no real usage of it. --JohnDBuell 21:08, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry it's been a while. I've been ill and haven't spent any time on Wikipedia in a couple of weeks. I took care of ReyBrujo's #3 and #9 points. I still need to do #4 and #5. --JohnDBuell 00:13, 9 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I think I've covered all of ReyBrujo's points now. I've also received a copy of the Anspach book, which I've started to read. --JohnDBuell 01:55, 9 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

International Space Station

I have contributed to this article a while ago. Now somebody has asked for a peer review as a preliminary stage to getting it to FAC-status. The main issues the article has are 1. citations and 2. the criticism section (as far as I see it). More input on that article + help resolving problems would be appreciated. Especially in the light of this article being on the front page under the news section quite often, we should make a special effort to get it into perfect shape. Themanwithoutapast 20:25, 9 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I gave it a quick read-through and so I only have a few comments:
  • I would like it if the first sentence of the page presented a definition of the ISS, rather than listing the agencies involved. I.e. presume the reader knows nothing about it. For example, "The International Space Station (ISS) is a manned research facility that is being assembled in orbit around the Earth," or something better. In fact I'd be sorely tempted to move the list of agencies to the end of the introduction and jump right into the meat of the topic. The list is the least interesting part: it's better to start the article with a bang and try to capture the reader's interest.
    Has been changed. Still think the partners have to be mentioned upfront in the first paragraph, it is the most important information just like in any joint venture. Themanwithoutapast 07:24, 16 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    Agree on that: the five space agencies have to be mentioned in the article introduction. // Duccio (write me) 23:36, 16 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    It might be important information in the context of getting the project done, but it makes for exceedingly dull reading. My eyes just skipped right over it. :-) — RJH (talk) 16:38, 17 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • The assemply process is spread between three different sections: the history, a building progress section and the assemly section. Perhaps this can be re-organized into a single logical structure?
  • Too many "planned" in "It was planned to combine the planned space stations".
  • In the "Structures and design" section it discusses a particular orientation of the structures. (I.e. starbord, port, aft-forward). It would be helpful if this was explained in terms of some type of orbital orientation, or else it could state that the directions were chosen arbitrarily.
  • Sun should be capitalized and can be linked to the article.
  • If the Habitation Module was cancelled, how do they plan to accomodate a crew of six? Will they be using a hot-bunking system?
  • Sleeping places are spread throughout the station. There will be 3 in the Russian segment once the ISS is completed and 3 in the US segment. But actually it is not really necessary to have a separate 'bunk' in space, what they do right now for some visitors is just strap their sleeping bag to the wall of a module get into it and sleep. Unity is the preferable location for that. Themanwithoutapast 20:29, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    • My questions were intended primarily to show what the article didn't answer. I guess I should have explained that better. Thanks. — RJH (talk) 16:38, 17 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Where inline citations are used, it would be preferable if the cite templates were employed to give more information about the link. E.g. {{cite web}}.
Thanks! — RJH (talk) 01:53, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
In the "Structures and design" section it discusses a particular orientation of the structures. (I.e. starbord, port, aft-forward). It would be helpful if this was explained in terms of some type of orbital orientation, or else it could state that the directions were chosen arbitrarily. — What do you exactly mean? Something like west-east or nadir? The use of a local coordinate system is mandatory since, when completed, the station's attitude will be fixed with the aft-forward axis laying in the direction of the motion (aka velocity vector), but untill all four photovoltaic modules are in theis definitive position the station's orientation may vary depending on many factors, like the angle between the sun and station's orbit plane. There's a much better explaination than mine if you go here: http://spaceflight.nasa.gov/station/flash/iss_attitude.html — as you see, we can't use terms like north as what is north today might be west tomorrow... // Duccio (write me) 09:49, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Yes I understand that there is a local coordinate system at work, and no I very clearly didn't mean East/West/North/South/Nadir. (Why did you even introduce that?) But the reason for this orientation of the local directions should be explained to the reader. At present the text just tosses out terms such as port and aft-forward without clarifying this particular orientation. If they were chosen by the designers because of the station's expected orbit/orientation upon completion (with forward being in the direction of orbit and down being toward the Earth) then stating such is needed. (Note that I can't read that link you sent me because of my browser's security settings.) Thanks. — RJH (talk) 15:04, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Okay, sorry for the misunderstanding, I made the connection between the local coordinate system and the velocity vector explicit in the article. As port and starboard (as well as aft) also might not be obvious to the reader I linked them to their articles, which I will improve in the near future to cover not only the naval use of the terms. The link I provided has been added as a reference using the proper {{cite web}} template. Please see if I fully addressed the "Structure and design" point. // Duccio (write me) 18:15, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. So the forward direction is established by the velocity vector. Are the port/starbord facings with respect to somebody on board turned forward and with their feet toward the Earth? — RJH (talk) 18:57, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, but as that should be obvious because of the meaning of port and starboard in the naval context I'm not sure I'll be able to find a reliable source stating that explicitly... // Duccio (write me) 19:29, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I don't think it's really that obvious. Port could be oriented toward the Earth, for example, and which side of the truss is "up" or "down"? — RJH (talk) 15:29, 12 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
What you would like - if I understood correctly - is a second connection between local coordinates system and orbital orientation, stating that the station doesn't roll freely - am I correct? // Duccio (write me) 18:10, 12 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
As I understand it there are two possible orientations that satisfy the port-starbord axis definition in the text. Perhaps a simple graphic showing the both axes relative to the station layout, the orbital velocity and the Earth would work? Thanks. — RJH (talk) 14:34, 13 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, a graphic would probably help a lot. As soon as I'll find one, I'll put it in the article. In case we have difficulties finding one we could see if someone with drawing capabilities can do it for us, I remember there's a place here on wikipedia where you can make similar requests. All the other points you arose seem clear to me, thank you for your review :-) // Duccio (write me) 20:49, 13 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Wikipedia:Requested pictures as well as the Category:Wikipedia requested images templates. Thanks. — RJH (talk) 15:15, 14 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
A few more comments, hopefully of some use:
  • The history section states that, "the science conducted aboard was limited due to the crew size of two." It would be helpful if the text put this in perspective by explaining what a crew of two spends most of their time doing. (I.e. repair work.)
  • It would be good to have some mention of the concerns that were generated during the two-man space walks; the entire ISS crew. Also that the ISS was deliberately designed to minimize the number of space walks required for construction.
  • I think "logistics&maintenance" needs spaces.
  • I'm puzzled by the statement that: "In contrast to common belief, the overall majority of costs for NASA are not incurred for initially building the ISS modules and external structure on the ground or for construction, crew and supply flights to the ISS." Isn't that almost the entirety of the costs? It never explains where the majority of the costs are being spent.
Yes that point should be made clearer. The majority of the costs is in spacecraft operations and maintenance, that is the thousands of people on the ground and the facility costs that have to be paid for that are not related to building the modules or crew and supply flights. Roughly stated spacecraft operations amounts to 65% of the overall costs, 15 % is building the modules and other segments on the ground and the rest is for supply ships, ATV and HTV development, COTS etc. The Shuttle fixed costs (some 3-4 billion per year) are not included into that calculation as they are technically not ISS costs (although the Shuttle is only used for ISS construction right now). Themanwithoutapast 20:29, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • If you take this for FAC, they may complain about the amount of text inside parentheses. You might want to rewrite some parts of the text to reduce that issue.
  • There are a few punctuation issues. E.g. "...very often cited as USD, ESA, the only agency actually ESA, the only agency actually stating potential overall costs on its website estimates 100 billion EUR)".
RJH (talk) 15:47, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for all the comments RJH, I hope someone can start implementing them into the article. I will only have some time to do work on the article in a couple of days. Themanwithoutapast 20:29, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
You're welcome. I'm glad to be of some assistance. :-) — RJH (talk) 15:30, 12 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Only Fools and Horses

I've been working on this for a few weeks now, hoping to get it up to GA and (eventually) FA standard. I'm just looking for general comments and criticisms of the article; what it needs to bring it up to standard, what needs to be sourced, added or clarified etc. All comments will be much appreciated. SteveO 17:22, 15 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Several things:

-Burn the Trivia section, then spit on its corpse. Sorry to be so brusque, but this article will not reach FA with a Trivia section.

-An article this size needs much more than 18 citations. Sometimes whole sections go uncited.

-The Characters section needs prose beyond just the descriptions of the individual characters. You could talk about the themes that developed between the characters, their interactions, and so forth. Or you can even talk about why certain actors and actresses were chosen for the roles.

-The Merchandise section needs to be either expanded or merged with the Cultural impact section.

-Needs a good copyedit. Ask a user that has experience with these types of articles to help out.UberCryxic 02:19, 17 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for responding. I sympathise with how you feel about trivia sections. Anything worthwhile can be merged into the main article. I'll try and rectify what you suggested. Thanks once again. SteveO 11:23, 17 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Criticisms of Mozilla Firefox

I didn't write this article, but this article definitely deserves a peer review. -- Selmo (talk) 05:46, 1 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Fairly weak. It's very short (more like a list) and the prose needs some work (too much passive voice, for example). I also question the perspective on some issues -- especially ActiveX. Why is lack of support necessarily a criticism? As the cited Cnet review notes: "Firefox doesn't support VBScript and ActiveX Controls, which are often the source of attacks and vulnerabilities within IE." -- bcasterline • talk 22:53, 5 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Personally I don't use it per severe lack of features and unreliability compared to
Konstable 22:13, 9 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]
Web Controls, such as Active X, are seriously over blown to make it APPEAR they only pose security threats. I atribute this to the average FireFox noob (a sect of the FF community) who does not understand what Web Controls are. In the IE6 Crits they referenced an IE4 article stating that Active X controls can allow a person to takeover your computer, obviously we are not working with IE4 as IE6 and IE7 have enhanced security procedures in place.

Active X is often used on any site containing media that is run with software currently on the clients computer or will install the software needed. For online installers (such as mcafee) Active X is cruicial in deploying their software to the clients computer, it protects mcafee against illigally distributed versions and also makes it easier because they only need to update certain files rather then the whole installer. Because FireFox does not support Active X (I believe all 'Active X' type controls have to be manually implemented by plugins. Not certain though.) it can not experiance the media web as easily as browsers that implement Active X.131.247.243.121 13:14, 10 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]



Strict web standards compliance - I don't understand how this could possibly be classed a "criticism" of Firefox ! It reads to me more like a criticism of Internet Explorer. Following
w3c
recommendations is, by definition, correct behaviour for a web browser. Not following the standards is buggy behaviour.
A similar argument could be made the previous section "IE Compatibility". A developer who codes a page in a particular way to work around or take advantage of a bug in one browser, shouldn't *expect* that quirk to work in any other browser. The fact that the Mozilla developers have taken the time to accommodate developers who don't follow the standards is not even necessarily a good thing. It encourages developers to continue coding in the same way, and doesn't alert them to possible problems in the future (for example, what if that quirk were to be removed from a later version of IE ?). On the contrary, you could make a better argument criticising Firefox for having such a "quirks" mode !
The article should also mention the particular version which is being described, since new versions are released on a fairly regular basis. For example the section about "Memory usage" may be correct as of the time of writing, but could very possibly be fixed in a later release.
Overall, I think this is a very poorly written article, and in fact it seems to violate the NPOV policy of WP: - the article seems heavily biased in favour of the idea that the way Internet Explorer does things is "correct", and everything else must be incorrect.

--Salsa man 02:27, 22 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The article is not really necessary. Information could be taken from it and put in a subheading under
Mozilla Firefox, but it is not written well enough for it to stand alone. I agree with Salsa man; the information should be kept, but not in its very own article.P.L.A.R. 01:46, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

Cool World

Cleaned this article up a bit from its original state. How'd I do? (

Ibaranoff24 19:27, 31 August 2006 (UTC))[reply
]

My $.02 worth:
  • Is it "Holli Wood" or "Holli Would"? The spelling is inconsistent.
  • Suggest changing "Brad Pitt plays Detective Frank Harris, the Cool World cop (who has chosen to stay in Cool World) out to make sure humans..." to something like "Brad Pitt plays Detective Frank Harris, a human who has chosen to stay in Cool World and serve as a cop. His job is to make sure that humans..."
  • Shouldn't "Noids" be lower-case?
  • "Deebs and Holli heads..." => "Deebs and Holli head..."
  • I question whether the "Real World" needs to be capitalized. The Cool World is a place, whereas the real world is a state. (I.e. real versus fantasy.)
  • The entire "Conception and production" section consists of a commentary from the perspective of Ralph Bakshi. How about some other viewpoints? There's almost nothing about the animation process, for example.
  • Did Frank Mancuso Jr. ever state why he rewrote the script?
Thanks. — RJH (talk) 15:39, 5 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I suggest avoiding slang, such as cop. Better to call them police officers, or find a more appropriate term. TheMadBaron 17:16, 16 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Archived PRs - PR2 PR1

Thiruvananthapuram

Formal request for a peer review for this article as a way of preparing for

featured article
.

--

(Talk to me...) :-) 09:46, 15 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

It's definitely got some good features so I'll just point out some of the things that need fixing. 1. It's got some awkward and possibly non-native speaker writing that needs a significant copyediting to improve, and turning colloquial phrasing into more encyclopedic wording. 2. It also still has a lot of statements of opinion that are not backed by sources "of India’s most literate and socially developed state", "however, much of this high potential growth would depend on the investment and trade union reforms of the government.", etc. Neither are forgone conclusions and need to be worded more neutrally or replaced with referenced statements. 3. What about the infrastructure? Water, power, sewage treatment, etc. It tells about the transportation, but nothing else. The coverage of transport is relatively too much and should be shortened to make room for discussion of other facets of infrastructure. 4. The education section lists some schools but doesn't tell us about the overall quality compared to national and international standard, or even the literacy rate. 5. Demographics could be expanded to discuss poverty and wealth distribution. I hope that's enough for starters to help you improve further, though this is well on it's way. Let me know if you finish this and I'll see what else I can find. - Taxman Talk 01:47, 16 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Sufficient references are added to support the statements like "of India’s most literate and socially developed state", etc. I will soon try to fix the other points also. --

(Talk to me...) :-) 15:59, 19 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]


The inline comments by Taxman in the article is addressed, and fixed. --

(Talk to me...) :-) 16:01, 19 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]


  • Inline references to Vizhinjam is added now.. Cheers, --
    (Talk to me...) :-) 11:55, 22 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
    ]


The article is prepared so as to match it as per the standards mentioned in

WP:INCITIES
. --
(Talk to me...) :-) 13:01, 26 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

Flora of Australia

I've been working on this article to complement

Peta 23:15, 14 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

Frank Joslyn Baum

Other than finding my sources and citing them (which I will do eventually, and have asked for help on the matter from other Oz fans who will have read much the same material I have), does anyone have any other suggestions for improving this article? --Scottandrewhutchins 17:08, 16 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • Expand your prose, it's pretty short in particular your lead-in, and a few pictures will help (don't forget to comply with image guidelines though!). -
    iablo 04:11, 17 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
    ]

Auto peer review

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, BrianSmithson 12:53, 18 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Fly to the Sky

I want peer review on grammar and tone, and to see if it lacks details on their albums. I hope this article would have GA status very soon, because there aren't many pages of asian artists that are so. mirageinred 15:09, 2 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • Is there is a reason why some of the tracklists in the table are in all caps, and some are in Korean, some are in English, and some give both? TimBentley (talk) 13:31, 1 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Rock Springs Massacre

(See previous review here).

Looking for overall comments, going for GA, eventually FA with this one.

Current issues (any elaboration on specifics would be appreciated):

  • Lack of images- added some, still need more, should be some public domain stuff out there. IvoShandor 15:26, 20 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Lead length: expanded a bit, may need more.
  • WP:DASH
    , but there are probably other problems.
  • Further reading section is a bit redundant at this point, but I am using it for reference right now, it will probably be reworked though: Still plan to rework. IvoShandor 15:26, 20 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  •  Done Deleted for now. Will add non-referenced reading later in due process, probably after GAC. IvoShandor 03:22, 21 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Wondering about:

  • Could use some suggestions for some more wikilinks.
  • Is it too lengthy, where could it be trimmed? What info specifically?
  • Are any relevant aspects of the topic missing, glaring omissions?
  • Any other suggestions?
  • Major prose issues?

Thanks ahead of time for anyone who responds. I worked pretty hard on this article. IvoShandor 18:56, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment: I cleaned this article up a lot for POV, any help would be greatly appreciated. I think this could be FA someday. IvoShandor 15:12, 20 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Another comment: I have filed a request with the
    League of Copyeditors for an outside copy edit. IvoShandor 15:24, 20 March 2007 (UTC)[reply
    ]


POV discussion

The following is from the

Rock Springs Massacre talk page
. It has been copied here as it developed in the midst of this peer review. Feel free to add to it.

The subsections from "Post-massacre violence" are the makings of separate articles entirely, and are not about the Rock Springs Massacre directly; they should be placed in other articles and each section here should have a "Main" template; all that's necessary to say is that other violence broke out; this is not a history of THOSE events, but is supposed to be only about Rock Creek. Also, if stuff like this is trotted out as though it's connected, but some source hasn't said it's connected, stringing all this in one place to expound a thesis about post-massacre violence is actually

original research, and a no-no. But it's clear from the tone of some of the content here that there's a thesis being expounded ("the NYT was 'just as guilty'" and other POV language). Please remember this is an encylcopedia article and NOT a political tract.Skookum1 18:17, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply
]

This comment could have been before the peer review was posted but the article is still being worked on. Some of the sources HAVE connected the events to Rock Springs. So it's not original research. Guilty was probably a bad word choice, but they did do it. Will look for such things as I work. Political tract? IvoShandor 19:14, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

"just as guilty" is clearly a political statement; also IMO is the seeming effort in the article to tie in general historical materials and also other not-necessarily-connected events; it comes off like a tract, and is full of not-neutral language; like so many Chinese-American/Canadian history articles. Just the facts, please, no editorializing. And no introducing extraneous materials as if they had to do with things; if the sources make that connection, it should specify that it's the sources that made the connection, and which sources.Skookum1 19:26, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
That's what the inline citations are for. I have no political agenda related to 19th century America. IvoShandor 19:28, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Also, I would hardly call a wave of anti-Chinese violence beginning with Rock Springs and encompassing events for the next six months a general connection, the Oregon stuff might be stretching it, but I thnk you're wrong. IvoShandor 19:30, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Just as a note, there is absolutely no question this was a racially motivated attack, even the President agreed with that assessment, in 1885. —The preceding
unsigned comment was added by IvoShandor (talk • contribs) 19:15, 12 March 2007 (UTC).[reply
]
And what in my post led you to think I was disputing that? Your re-asserting it seems to indicate that you think it was THAT that I was criticizing; but that's just more POVism, i.e. assuming that a criticism is about something that it's not. The point remains that the language of this article is very accusatory. And THAT is POV. It's possible to report facts and events without brow-beating people or using invective.....Skookum1 19:30, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
So why don't you just fix it instead of making general objections. I have changed some of the wording but as the writer it can be hard to flesh out stuff, at least for me, that I have done myself.IvoShandor 19:33, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Well. Go ahead, if its just POV, it won't matter to the material. I'm not that worried about, if there are any problems presented by your edits they can be fixed and discussed later. Go for it, it would really help. Sorry if I seemed hostile, I think I missed your point at first. IvoShandor 20:07, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not familiar enough with the events to edit conscionably; as you can tell I'm also prolix - infamously so - and my edits tend to be emendations; I find it easier to point out issues here, unles I know the material well.Skookum1 19:38, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Removed some POV wording, a lot of which is leftover from when this article was started, about eleven days after I registered for Wikipedia. : ) The Post Massacre section is already set up for
WP:SUMMARY, I believe the sources confirm that this violence was related to the massacre in Rock Springs, but if you don't please point out where and I will try to verify. Remember there is a difference between "unverified" and "unverifiable" information. Also, if you are using caps for emphasis, could you please use italics, it looks like you're yelling. IvoShandor 19:27, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply
]

Yes, but in another parallel case, the Anti-Oriental Riots in Vancouver were seen as some historians as an offshoot of or reaction to the Boxer Rebellionsm the ongoing Nationalist uprising after that, and fears of Asian imperialism in the wake of the Russo-Japanese War, and also by various labour practices of Chinese workers and Chinese labour contractors; yet to mention any of these, despite their presence in sources, is dismissed as "racist propaganda" and no recent histories go anywhere near the background of the events, choosing instead to condemn the antagonists instead of understanding "why" - it's so much easier to paint people simply as goons, or to try and boil everything down to "racism" and "racists" (and "racist" is often used as a dehumanizing term, often by people who are very racist themselves....). So I appreciate your un-POV'ing this; the point, central point, of this is what THIS article is about, or supposed to be about. "Splinter events" certainly have their place; but if they're so notable as to be mentioned, they should ahve their own articles, and a summary of those that sources state are connected, should be made (but no others).Skookum1 19:38, 12 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Would you care if I moved this discussion to the 2nd peer review? So it would be archived? This article will take some work but I can make it shine. I wrote it way back when I was a wee little youngling wikipedian, didn't know as much about policy as I do now. That and no one ever mentioned this before, some help that other peer review was! ; ) IvoShandor 13:37, 13 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Akatsuki (Naruto)

The article was delisted from Good Article status. This is to help it get there again. Nemu 20:14, 19 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

To reiterate, the concerns which resulted in its delisting were:

  1. Too much "non-notable trivia"
  2. In-universe perspective
  3. Lack of inline citations

So those should probably be the primary focuses of this review. --

tjstrf 20:28, 19 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

Fin Whale

Previous peer review: Wikipedia:Peer review/Fin Whale/archive1.

A link to this article appeared on Wikipedia's main page on October 23 in the current events section. It has been cleaned up significantly and in-line citations added since its last peer review. I'd like to get an idea of what it would need to push it into good or featured article quality. An older version of this article was listed as a featured article candidate and time hasn't run out on that yet even though I don't think it's getting many eyeballs any more, so I'm not sure if I'm doing things out of order by requesting another peer review at this point. Neil916 (Talk) 07:51, 23 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • One comment I'll add in response to a question raised during the previous peer review is why the common name of the species is capitalized. The article falls under
    WikiProject Cetaceans, which has decided to standardize the capitalization of all species common names. Neil916 (Talk) 08:07, 23 October 2006 (UTC)[reply
    ]
  • Cetaceans project or not, "fin whale" is a sufficiently common-sounding term that it looks awkward capitalized. What's the reasoning behind that standard?
    It's a long debate, and I agree that it looks awkward. See some of the historical discussions at Wikipedia talk:Naming conventions (fauna), Talk:Spinifex Hopping Mouse, and other places. It's not a standard that I support, but for now it's the community consensus and I have not been able to generate any consensus to change it yet.
  • The phylogenetic tree and Image:Fin whale.jpg clash on my screen, so that the lower image is pushed to the right, leaving an unslightly leftmost gap.
    When I view the article at 800x600 resolution, I see that the taxobox and the phylogenetic tree get squished together, so I get several one-word lines mashed between the images, but I don't see the problem with the Image:Fin whale.jpg image, which is in the next section. What browser are you using and at what screen resolution?
    1920x1200, Firefox under Windows. I still see the problem at 1600x1200 though. Opabinia regalis 00:32, 28 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    Hmmm...I don't think I have a system available with the horsepower to handle 1920x1200 to test it myself, but it would explain the problem since the paragraphs would be very wide and shallow. In HTML markup, there is a way to add a tag to say "don't insert this picture until the left/right/both margin(s) are clear" or something to that effect, so I'll try to figure out how to implement that in Wikipedia. I had been assuming the problem you were describing was a result of your screen resolution being too low. Neil916 (Talk) 07:30, 28 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    Ok, I've experimented with inserting breaks between sections and repositioning the images. Can you check if this is still a problem on your browser? I don't have a system that can display greater than 1280x1024, and it looks ok on that resolution and lower resolutions. Neil916 (Talk) 16:58, 1 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Do you know what exactly the branch lengths on the phylogenetic tree represent? (Genetic distance or assumed time to coalescence, or nothing in particular?)
    As I understand it, the lengths of the branches do not mean anything. The branches represent evolutionary divergences, not timelines. So, for example, the Rorqual phylogenetic tree shows that the Bryde's Whale has a closer evolutionary relationship to the Sei Whale than the Southern Minke Whale.
    OK - sometimes these are plotted with an explicit axis; just wanted to make sure it was correct. Opabinia regalis 00:32, 28 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why the size difference between hemispheres? Is the magnitude of that difference statistically significant?
    I'm not sure I understand your question. Are you saying size in terms of the size of the North Atlantic Fin Whale vs. the size of the Antarctic Fin Whale? Are you referring to the size of the existing population? The size of the habitat range? The primary reason why the three main groups of Fin Whales (North Pacific, North Atlantic, and Antarctic) are described is because they are generally recognized as different subspecies that do not interact or interbreed.
    I was referring to this sentence: "It reaches lengths of up to 24 meters (79 ft) in the northern hemisphere and 26.8 meters (88 ft) in the southern hemisphere". If that's referring to the northern and antarctic species, it would be clearer to name the species rather than the location; I read it as implying regional variations. Opabinia regalis 00:32, 28 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    I believe it's an inconsistency resulting from different sources that referred to the regional variations in terms of location rather than subspecies. I'll work on that section. Neil916 (Talk) 07:30, 28 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The whale has a series of 56-100 pleats or grooves along the bottom of the body...." - any chance of an up-close image of this?
    I doubt it, due to the difficulty of photographing this fast whale. The image of the whale shown on the stamp does depict the grooves, and the diagram on Baleen whale also shows the grooves, but I'm not sure if including that diagram would be too redundant on this article. What do you think?
    That's fine - I think the other diagram might be extraneous considering this has quite a few images already, but I don't have a strong opinion. Opabinia regalis 00:32, 28 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • The prose could use some minor work; in particular there's a lot of switching between singular "the fin whale..." and plural "they..." (eg "The Fin Whale was relatively safe from most whalers due to its quick speed and the fact that they prefer the open sea")
    Thanks, I've been hunting down such inconsistencies.
  • "most hunted cetacean in history" is a big claim without a footnote, even if it may be implicitly supported by the next sentences.
    Agreed. I have removed it until a source can be found.
  • I don't know anything about whaling, but 10 whales per year for a widely distributed species doesn't sound like a lot. Some sense of scale (eg, a corresponding number of some non-endangered and plentiful species) would be useful here.
    I'm not sure that the article is trying to imply that 10 whales per year is a lot and I've taken care not to imply whether it is good or bad per se, it's simply providing information of the current status of whaling for Fin Whales.
    There doesn't have to be any implication one way or another; it's just hard to have a sense of scale on the subject. Compared to the earlier numbers (750,000 in 74 years? wow.) it seems like a miniscule "why bother" kind of number. Opabinia regalis 00:32, 28 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    I think the relevance is that this whale is still listed as "endangered" by several international agencies, so any commercial hunting of the animal is still very controversial. I've uncovered more sources containing information about different causes of mortality for this whale, natural and not, so I'm hoping to expand/rewrite this section in the next few days.Neil916 (Talk) 07:30, 28 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why is there a redlink in See also for Restaurants in Iceland?
    It was a nonsense addition from an anonymous user last night who has a history of adding nonsense to that article. I removed it an left a note on the user's talk page.

Opabinia regalis 06:24, 27 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your feedback. Neil916 (Talk) 16:16, 27 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Ah, sorry, I forgot to come back to this. The image conflict problem is resolved now. Looks very good! Some of the recent material, ie in the abundance section and the lead, could use a quick prose run-through (for example, "This shows a substantial recovery compared to a survey in 1976 showing..."). IIRC naked years don't need wikilinks, and somewhere there's a mention of the "2007-2008 season" where only one of the two years is linked. The abundance section has a lot of great data - maybe a table would help to keep track of which trends are in which places? Opabinia regalis 03:06, 2 November 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Fred Newman

Peer review requested, as this article is in danger of becoming a battleground between supporters and detractors of the article's susbject.BabyDweezil 17:11, 19 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The first, most obvious improvement that could be made is adequate sourcing. Read through
Wikipedia:Cite sources, and apply. This would improve the article a lot, and quell some disagreement as well. – Quadell (talk) (random) 17:16, 19 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]
See
WP:GTL, and a sample philosophy article, Hilary Putnam. This article currently is uncited, and has no structure. The lead should be about 3 paragraphs, summarizing the rest of the article, and everything should be referenced. Sandy 20:37, 19 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

Thanks both for your imput and suggestions. The Putnam entry seems an excellent model to use. The Newman entry clearly needs to be begun again from scratch, on that sort of model. Current version seems strcutured only as a template for the author to be able to present the subject in the most unflattering light.BabyDweezil 14:23, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Stephen Colbert

Soliciting feedback on this article, which I'm hoping to improve to FA eventually. The article has had a previous peer review here; it was listed by another editor when I was on a bit of a wikibreak, so unfortuately I was unaware of it and unable to respond to comments. I've improved the issues that were raised since then, so hope you'll give this a second look. Thanks in advance, -- Bailey(talk) 02:35, 31 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • Great job, personally I did not find any problems with the article. Good luck at FAC!
    - Tutmosis 19:09, 31 October 2006 (UTC)[reply
    ]
Thank you to everyone, including Andy Z's hardworking script. I'm going to start working on those automated suggestions tonight, and the em-dashes too. -- Bailey(talk) 22:58, 31 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Dundee

Am hoping to bring this to featured article status. Article has undergone a radical overhaul since the last peer review and would appreciate some advice on anything that needs doing to meet the FA criteria.  YDAM TALK 21:17, 16 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • Replaced a few repetitions of 'the city' with 'Dundee'. Berek 09:41, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • It's pretty good. I didn't check everything, but the lsit of notable Dundeeites needs to be converted to prose and mention only the most notable ones who's notability can be cited to reliable sources. Also I'm assuming most or all of those listed in Dundee (disambiguation) are named after this one. If so that's quite a number and I think it would be worth researching and mentioning if there is some particular reason so many have been named after it. If there's no importance to it, then maybe it's too trivial to mention. - Taxman Talk 14:28, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Sorted that list. Most of them were already listed in the prose anyway. As for other places being named after it; as far as I know there isin't a significant reason any more than there is for Boston or Birmingham. I suppose that list is pretty typical of such cities  YDAM TALK 14:43, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I'm just saying, I don't think many cities so small have that many named after them. There may be something there. But since you've responded so quickly, I've searched for more of what separates this article from featured standard. 1) The twin cities section needs similar treatment to the list of people. If it's not important enough to have some cited prose analysis of the international relations and whether the twin city status actually amounts to anything, it's probably not important enough to be it's own section, and possibly not important enough to be covered at all. 2) Too many short paragraphs cause choppy flow and highlight areas that either need to be expanded, merged with related material, or removed. 3) The word outwith appears to be classic scottish, but arcane enough that most would not know what it means. If you really feel it's valuable to include, figure out a way to define it in context so that it doesn't require looking up so that the sentence is accessible. It looked like a grammar error to me before looking it up. 3) The Wharfs section seems out of place and not important enough to justify it's own subsection. Merge it into wherever is appropriate, either economy or history depending on its current importance. 4) The transport section should probably be replaced by a discussion of the infrastructure in general. 5) The education section needs to discuss the general quality of the school systems by national and international standards. In relation to that, perhaps there is too much coverage of individual prominent schools. 6) Look to other FAs on cities for ideas of the balance of coverage in them. The most useful would probably be Ann Arbor a city of similar size, though its lead is now too short and it's sister cities bit has no context either. If you want my consideration of whether it looks like all that's done and this is ready for FAC, let me know here and I'll have another look. - Taxman Talk 15:16, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks a lot for those very detailed suggestions. I will get them resolved ASAP and lat you know back here.  YDAM TALK 16:27, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I've updated the article to try and address your suggestions. There's less short stubby paragraphs, "outwith" has been replaced with "outside of". Wharfs has been spun out to the history of dundee article. The transport and education sections have now been expanded. I couldn't really find any context for the sister city's section but I have moved it back under the politics and government section to try and make some. We could always drop it completly if you really feel it won't pass
WP:FAC with it.  YDAM TALK 19:31, 21 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]
Truly excellent, excellent work. Now the lead and perhaps the geography section just need some more context. Prioritize the first few sentences in the lead to be the most important overview things about the city. The best way to do that is to give us a little more context, particularly of where it is at. Currently we don't know where in Scotland it is unless we already know where the river Lay is. I reallize the map is there, but it should tell simply in the text also something like "it is near the coast of ____ on the east side of Scotland". The image is nice, but it should be made clear what landmass it is representing and the surrounding bodies of water and other land should be labeled. To give better context on the size for those that don't already know the subject, ideally also you could reword the phrase referring to the 4th largest city by fitting in the population, otherwise unless we know the approximate sizes of all the top cities in Scotland the fourth largest doesn't tell us much. Finally add just a bit more to the first paragraph in the demographics or try to fit it in more successfully, it's a bit of a jarring change from that short paragraph to the next section. Try for improved narative arc there, making the section cohesive. I may not be able to respond here very soon, so if you really feel you've implemented these well, and really want to get this to FAC soon, it will have a great chance of passing with these fixes. Or if you'd like to wait for more input feel free of course. Keep up the good work. - Taxman Talk 19:34, 22 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Have implemented most of your suggestions (will have to get in touch with somebody who does map to sort out that bit) I'm not really in a ruch to get it through FAC. Would rather get it right than rush it. Give us a shout if you think it's ok. Oh and thanks for the compliments.  YDAM TALK 01:40, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I took a look at how other cities did their maps and saw they used captions so I used that to give the map more context without making the map look cluttered. Hope that's sufficient. Is there anything the article needs doing before FAC  YDAM TALK 16:27, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Whistler-Blackcomb

Looking for any and all comments on the article. We want to get this page perfected to use it as an example for all ski resort articles —The preceding

unsigned comment was added by Zzz345zzz (talk • contribs
) .

Not enough citations for starters. Andjam 12:12, 21 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

United States

First Peer review request I'm responding to a request to feature this article. I'm going to have a look at it myself, but I would also like some others' comment. Thanks in advance. -- Selmo (talk) 23:29, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

As I understand it, this article has had several FA nominations in the past but failed them all. I think it would meet the same fate if you were to take it in like this. My main problem is with the sources. An article about such a recognizable entity needs more than just random internet sites and newspaper reports. Books, books, and lots more books!

Some citations in the 'Notes' section have been done improperly. Some works there are described in a way that they should be described in a 'References' section, not a citation section. You need to fix that. I'd recommend getting an editor who has experience with country articles to take a look at this as well. They'd probably have more and better suggestions.UberCryxic 16:03, 21 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The Fortunes of Richard Mahony

This page was rated high importance by Wikipedia:WikiProject Novels and a class B before I had even completed entering my summary of Ultima Thule. What suggestions do others have for improving the page? --Scottandrewhutchins 17:42, 19 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Ooook....some more citations are a must. The comment "This is now recognized as one of the greatest novels in the English language" really needs to be cited. You might also want to elaborate on whether that's just his opinion or the opinion of reputable literary critics as well. Right now, the article just basically describes the novels. This is fine and dandy, but also a bit boring. How about putting in a section regarding popular and critical reception? This would give readers a better idea of the influence these works might have had. Try to also find some images of book covers and put those up as well. Wikipedia articles usually have a 'Notes' section that is separate from a 'References' section. The latter lists the works cited in the article whereas the former actually gives the citations. That's what you need to do here too; currently you've thrown the references and the citations together in one section. I would also request a copyedit from users who are familiar with articles on novels or literature in general.UberCryxic 15:57, 21 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I don't know how much more specific a citation to a book jacket can be: "Although now out of print, at least outside of Australia, its publisher, William Heinemann Ltd claimed on the jacket to the 1965 edition, 'This is now recognized as one of the greatest novels in the English language.'" The 1965 is the edition I used to write the article, and it's listed as such in the references section. --Scottandrewhutchins 20:58, 21 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Dolphin drive hunting

Pretty much wrote all of this article from scratch. Would like to get it to GA status at least. I'd mainly like to know if the article is neutral enough and if the structure and layout is ok. Obviously though, all comments and suggestions are welcome. BabyNuke 21:25, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

My suggestions:
  • Per
    WP:LEAD
    , the lead should be expanded to briefly summarize the article. As it is now, it also makes some claims that should be sourced -- that those are the "most notorious" towns, and that Japan is the largest consumer.
  • Under "Method", you say that "the hunting is done by a select group of privileged fishermen." I think that fact could use some explanation: Why are they a select group? Who makes that decision?
  • The second paragraph of the first "Criticism" section is poorly written. The sentence about the video, especially, doesn't really fit. I would include more information about the video and the reaction, and make it a separate paragraph.
  • The "Criticism" section would benefit from more inline citations, especially to guarantee
    WP:V
    .
  • The prose can be awkward. I would replace passive voice with active voice. You could also use some more commas, and the word "mainly" is overused throughout.
This is not a bad article. It could use some
WP:GAC. -- bcasterline • talk 00:55, 8 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

Thank you! I will work on these issues. BabyNuke 09:57, 8 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Personally, while I find this practice repugnant, I still feel there's a few NPOV issues with this. There are no gross violations, but I still feel it could be improved. Lankiveil 06:21, 22 September 2006 (UTC).[reply]
I think I'll rewrite the cricism section since I feel that's causing most problems neutrality wise. BabyNuke 19:46, 22 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Swissair Flight 111

I worked hard to improve this article, and it is now a good one. The next logical step is to get an outside review (since I am too close to this to be impartial) before I go for FAC. - Trevor MacInnis (Contribs) 16:42, 13 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Comments:
  • Because the article is about a flight, not a location, I would remove {{coor title dm|44|24.55|N|63|58.4|W|scale:400000}} to avoid confusion and potential display errors. If you're going to keep it, I believe it should be placed at the bottom of the article. (See
    usage discussion
    .)
  • Summarize the findings of the TSB investigation in the lead -- not just how much it cost.
  • Merge "The aircraft" with another section because it's so small. I would also place that information before, not after, the crash.
  • As is, "Examination" is too small to warrant its own subsection.
  • "TSB Findings" still has some awkward wording, though I did reword some of it. At what speed did the plane hit the water?
  • Maybe include some quotes/information from the cockpit voice recording?
Good article, though I think it's unlikely to pass FAC due to its size. It'll also need more references and inline citations. Good luck. -- bcasterline • talk 17:23, 13 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
The recovery of remains proved difficult as the force of impact (approximately 350 G) caused fragmentation and the environmental conditions only allowed recovery along with wreckage recovery. (TSB Report, p. 103-105) The latter part of this sentence can be rewritten better (e.g. not use recover...recovery). Otherwise, the article reads well. Good luck.--Riurik (discuss) 03:09, 21 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Lee Kuan Yew

Im trying to make it a Good article or if possible a FA. Any feedback is welcome Leidiot 05:15, 17 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Your references are few (mainly in a single section) and erratically formatted (make them all inline citations). As I have discovered, a FAC will fail immediately without them. Good luck!Dev920 19:39, 22 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Below is what has been discussed with one of the Wiki editors about what is written in the Lee article.

Good day. I've noticed your concerns regarding this article at Deletion Review and elsewhere, and would like to give you a bit of assistance in dealing with this matter.

Firstly, your edits are not being undone by agents of the subject, they're being undone by Wikipedia editors enforcing our policies and guidelines. Most importantly, your edits are not neutral - they are written with a distinct point of view, which is against our policies for articles. Articles must be written in a neutral tone. Secondly, you are not citing reliable sources in the edits. All edits must be verifiable to be included in our articles. If you have good reliable sources - and please read that link to ensure that you are using reliable sources - then your information may be useful in the article.

I highly suggest that you discuss the additions you wish to make and the sources you wish to use on the article's talk page before editing any further on the above subject. Thanks. Tony Fox (arf!) 16:21, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

Hello Tony,

I am not sure if this is how or where I am supposed to talk about this issue but here it is:

The Lee Kuan Yew article that exists now is not neutral, it claims that Lee cooperated with (first it says pro-communists and then it says communists), this is the point of the declassified British documents, their investigation carried out by British police in Singapore during the era could find no evidence that Lim Chin Siong was a communist. Dr Greg Poulgrain of Griffiths University observed that the British Governor of Singapore and his Chief Secretary in their reports to London had admitted that the police could find no evidence to establish that Lim was a communist. Lim was the main opposition leader who broke away from the PAP which he helped found. The name of Lim's party was the Barisan Socilis, they never claimed to be communists and the leaders of the communist parties in Malaysia and Thailand also said that Lim was not part of their organizations. I cited the book 'Comet in our Sky' which details all of this.

Dr. Chee Soon Juan the current Singapore opposition disident that is in lots of hot water lately says that Lee Kuan Yew came to power unjustly by imprisoning the opposition party and claiming they were communists. There is no evidence that they were communists, Lee was just using this as an excuse to get them out of the way. Wikipedia is letting the dictator Lee Kuan Yew use Wikipedia to further his propaganda by letting this article continue to claim that the opposition were communists.

You can read all about it on www.yoursdp.org , http://singapore-democracy.blogspot.com/ and also http://singaporegovt.blogspot.com/2006/07/history-of-pap-part-iv-lim-chin-siong_06.html

Chartliner (talk) 19:51, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

I honestly know little about the topic myself, which is why I suggested you take up the discussion on the article talk page. However, looking at the sources you point out, two are blogs - which are not considered reliable sources - and the third doesn't resolve right now. I looked at the book's results too, and they were kind of slim, but it would be at least one reliable source. You need to consider relevant sources such as magazine articles, newspapers, and similar references as far better options for sourcing. Tony Fox (arf!) 20:00, 20 June 2008 (UTC) The first source I cited is the main opposition parties website in Singapore www.yoursdp.org , it seems to be offline at the moment, they have been having problems with their server. Below are paragraphs taken from their website, which has a review of the book 'Comet in Our Sky'.

This is as good a referrence as it is possible to get, this book is quoting two scholars from top universities:Tim Harper who teaches Southeast Asian history and the history of the British empire at the University of Cambridge in London.

The second is Greg Poulgrain, a professor at Griffiths University in Australia who has been researching Southeast Asian history for more than 20 years.


"Schools teach Singapore children that Lee Kuan Yew heroically delivered Singapore from the evil clutches of the communists and gave us what we have today.

Whether such an assertion is historically accurate or not, the Government seems intent to seal this version in the annals of Singapore. When filmmaker, Mr Martyn See, released Zahari's 17 Years in which Mr Said Zahari talked about his 17-year detention, the Government promptly banned it.

It, it stated, "will not allow people who had posed a security threat to the country in the past to exploit the use of films to purvey a false and distorted portrayal of their past actions and detention by the government."

When Lim Chin Siong, another of Lee Kuan Yew's prisoners, died in 1996, the PAP was equally anxious to make sure that Lim's portrayal as a revolutionary communist remained etched in the minds of the people.

In response to a tribute that the SDP had written about Lim, the PAP through then MP Dr Ow Chin Hock, said that the Barisan Sosialis (Socilaist Front), of which Lim was its leader, fought the Government in 1966 "on the streets, according to the teachings of Mao Zedong in the Cultural Revolution."

It was a bald-faced lie. Lim was already in prison under ISA detention in 1966 and could not have led his party in anything.

This, it seems, was not the only untruth that the PAP has been telling us.

For example, Dr Ow pointed out that Lim was not fighting for a democratic Singapore (the cheek) but a communist one. Lim would have turned Singapore into "Mao's China or Ho Chi Minh's Vietnam", the PAP insisted.

Besides, it was the Internal Security Council (ISC) under the command of the British and not the PAP Government, who ordered the arrest and detention of Lim and colleagues.

This was because there were only three PAP representatives on the ISC and they were "outnumbered" by the other four members on the Council, three British and one Malaysian.

Nothing could be more untrue.

Top-secret documents held by the British Government, now declassified, reveal some jaw-dropping facts about Lee Kuan Yew and how he came to power.

Two history scholars studied these papers and presented their findings in the book Comet In Our Sky (available at Select Books at the Tanglin Shopping Centre).

The first is Tim Harper who teaches Southeast Asian history and the history of the British empire at the University of Cambridge in London.

The second is Greg Poulgrain, a professor at Griffiths University in Australia who has been researching Southeast Asian history for more than 20 years.

This SDP feature presents a summary of Dr Harper's and Dr Poulgrain's chapters. It contains some shocking archival material.

It also attempts to answer questions like who were people like Lim Chin Siong and Said Zahari? Did they really pose a security threat to the country? Were they communists hell-bent on undermining constitutional/democratic means of governance in Singapore? Was it really the ISC that was responsible for their arrest and imprisonment? Most important, is the PAP's version of history based on fact?

Remember, this narration is not the SDP's rendition of events past. It is a collective summary of the research done by two historians.

To ensure that this present essay remains faithful to Professors Harper's and Poulgrain's works, quotes from the historians' chapters are used liberally.

Still, don't take our word for it. Get a copy of Comet In Our Sky and read for yourself the real history of the PAP and Barisan Sosialis."

The full name of the book is 'Comet in our sky: Lim Chin Siong in History' There are several reviews of it using a google search.

Chartliner (talk) 20:11, 20 June 2008 (UTC)

I think the opposition party's website woudl be considered a primary source, which would be disallowed under WP:RS; the blog entry is interesting, but again it's essentially the opinion of the writer, and that again is not a neutral viewpoint. I strongly suggest you find some references that are in magazines, newspapers, etc. if you can, and work with those on the talk page of the article. Tony Fox (arf!) 02:50, 21 June 2008 (UTC) There is a double standard going on here, the article as it stands on Wiki does not give any sources for claiming that Lee Kuan Yew formed an expedient relationship with the "pro-communists" or as it states later the "communists". Who wrote this and what is the source? It is really Lee kuan Yew and his People's Action Party propaganda which as I have pointed out has been disproven by declassified British documents.

As for the opposition party's article the below information clarify's things... "Remember, this narration is not the SDP's rendition of events past. It is a collective summary of the research done by two historians.

To ensure that this present essay remains faithful to Professors Harper's and Poulgrain's works, quotes from the historians' chapters are used liberally. Still, don't take our word for it. Get a copy of Comet In Our Sky and read for yourself the real history of the PAP and Barisan Sosialis."

There are plenty of biased magazine articles out there too, they are not always such a good reference. I have not had a response in the talk area of the Lee article. Chartliner (talk) 04:27, 21 June 2008 (UTC)

Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User_talk:Chartliner"

Battlestar

After some pretty extensive changes and references I am pretty hppy with the article now, could anyone suggest any changes that could possibly be made to imrpove it, I would like to get this article up to a GA. Thank you . thanks/Fenton, Matthew Lexic Dark 52278 Alpha 771 19:18, 18 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Finland Plot

This article was recently created to fill a hole in in Wikipedia's coverage of key events leading up to the recent

September 2006 Thailand coup. This particular topic, the so-called Finland Plot, should be fairly static, since the principals, namely Thaksin Shinawatra, Sondhi Limthongkul, and the People's Alliance for Democracy
have been either deposed, dissolved, or stopped any further allegations. The military junta has not formalized the Finland Plot accusations, which probably means that they wont be investigated in any depth. I'd like your inputs on:

  • NPOV. It is a controversial topic, and I want to make sure that I'm being fair to all parties.
  • Wording. My wording has been noted to be a bit off sometimes, so please feel free to copy-edit.
  • Anything else that needs improvement would be greatly appreciated.

-- Patiwat 02:39, 22 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Review

The article seems neutral as far as I can tell, and wording is fine. I made a couple of very minor edits to words - hope you don't mind. Visually, an image in the synopsis (perhaps of Thaksin Shinawatra?) might balance the top of the page, but that would only be an aesthetic thing.

Stormfront (website)

In general how can the article be improved? In between here and FAC, what needs to happen? --Alecmconroy 17:40, 22 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • A few points:
  1. Your lead paragraph is only one densely written paragraph. FACs should have three summing up the entire article.
  2. The history section jumps from 1997 to 2006: what happened in that time?
  3. The references, while good, do not have authors. There are also not enough of them; some sentences make bold assertions without any links to back them up. Example, "Critics accuse Stormfront members of supporting violence, genocide, and ethnic cleansing."
  4. You may want to expand the article, which is too short, by mentioning reaction to Stormfront, in favour of them: any neonazi organisations promote or affiliate to it? You can then spin this, along with mootstormfront into a "reaction" section, rather than keeping it in controversy and criticism.

That's all I can think at the moment. Good luck! Dev920 19:51, 22 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Titanic (1997 film)

This would make a lovely featured article. What should be done to achieve this? Never Mystic 00:29, 6 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Production needs to be expanded, this should not be difficult there are several books and DVD features that describe the creation of this film. Synopsis needs to be cut down greatly, it is way too detailed. A Promise Kept section is very unencyclopedic, its reads somehwat like an essay. There can be a section on themes, but interpretations of the film's themes need to be referenced from reliable sources. Cast section is too large and should be cut down to main cast. (The Strauss' didn't even have speaking roles in the film) Criticism needs to be rewritten, it reads as if the reviewers opinions were tacked on randomly. Deleted scenes and parodies lists need to be removed, they are completely unencyclopedic and irrelevent. The fact some scenes in the film have been parodied should be explained in the Response section. Trivia either needs to be removed or integrated into the relevant sections. The whole article needs to be referenced, including inline citations. Medvedenko 01:33, 6 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with what Medvedenko has said but would also add that every link and every citation needs to be current and any internal links need to have relevent articles or stubs. Edward Lalone 21:02, 6 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I'll try to incorporate your suggestions ASAP. I'm just curious if either of you are aware of print sources for the film? I guess the DVD would be useful for non-online citations. Never Mystic 23:10, 6 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

There is an offical book about the making of Titanic which I think is named James Cameron's Titanic, that includes information about thr film's production. While looking for the name of the previous book I found a book called Titanic: Anatomy of a Blockbuster which I imagine could be very useful because it was written several years after Titanic was released. Also check out books about movies and the real Titanic written after 1997 which may include information about the movie. Hope this helps. Medvedenko 01:18, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Here are three reviews that are available online as well as off-line and would be good secondary sources for this article on the Titanic. They would also serve as good jumping off points as you look for more sources to add detail to the article.
I would use these sources as good reference works or in other references even if you do not think they should be included in the article. Edward Lalone 16:36, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I haven't checked the links yet, but I'll be sure to immediately after posting this. Thanks for the suggestions. Never Mystic 21:50, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The online references won't permit me access. Looks like the print-based would be most reasonable, then. Never Mystic 00:14, 8 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

How about references for the box office information? Also quite a bit of red links in Cast and Awards. Mentioned in the article itself, but some organization on Parodies is needed. —Jared Hunt September 9, 2006, 03:34 (UTC)

Yes, the parodies section is disastrous, requires trimming, and needs extensive referencing. It will be a job — practically — but I hope to get it done. Never Mystic 23:06, 10 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

This movie was freaking awesome. Some general tips:

-Needs a lot more in-line citations; three just isn't enough for an article this size.
-Every single section in the article has to be written in

summary style
. You can't have lists. FAC reviewers will gnaw on that point for eternity. For example, in the Cast section, instead of just listing out the cast, why not talk about how and why some of the more prominent actors were selected? That would make for a much more interesting read.
-Destroy the Trivia section! No more needs to be said on that.
-Some sections like Soundtrack, Awards, and DVD have to be expanded. They are too short right now.

Overall, I think this needs significant work before it reaches FA status.UberCryxic 19:45, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Most of your points are relevant. You should have seen the trivia section in this edit, which I trimmed down to the significant points and hope to sort accordingly when I find proper sources. Thanks, nonetheless! Never Mystic (tc) 02:11, 15 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I agree that the parodies section is hideous. I'm going to remove it now. The JPStalk to me 19:44, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I've done a small bit of tidying, and added a ref. 'Critical reaction' should also include what was been written academically. The JPStalk to me 20:47, 23 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, that's a good suggestion. Never Mystic (tc) 20:02, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

All That

First peer review

The article looks a lot better than it did in the last peer review. Since then, it has been listed as a GA, and I think All That meets all the criteria for FA status. It is very well-written, no original research, sources are reliable, images have fair use rationale. What can I do to improve this article for FA consideration? This is very important, as I feel this article must be FA as soon as possible. PF4Eva 22:00, 17 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Wow... nobody has replied yet? I'm surprised. I guess this means that there is nothing to improve upon and I can vote this for FA. Thanks anyway. PF4Eva 21:19, 20 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Belfast

previous peer review

Journalspace

Looking for comments. Still needs a bit of detail and an image for the infobox. --Andy 00:49, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

It needs details galore. There's only one prose sentence and it gives next to no information. [I]t...has always been rich in features." What are these features? I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but this does not belong at peer review which "is intended for high-quality articles that have already undergone extensive work, often as a way of preparing a featured article candidate." This is not a high quality anything, it has not undergone extensive work and it is a sub-stub with no content but some lists; about as far from a featured article as can be. I'm not even sure from the present article if it is sufficient to meet our
good article.--Fuhghettaboutit 04:16, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]
No, not harsh. I wasn't really sure what stage it should be before peer review. Mostly I wanted comments before I proceeded further. I wasn't sure if I went too far with the features and details that it might be interpreted as just a spam article and killed off.--Andy 05:31, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Ugh... already considered for deletion. Although I was a bit surprised journalspace didn't have an entry, I can see it doesn't meet

WP:WEB. Other than some notable users and that it gets 30-40 million hits per day according to [alexa's] stats, it is otherwise not particularly notable. Oh well. --Andy 12:44, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

Alû

There's not a whole lot of information on this subject. All but one source I found was from the nineteenth century. Does anyone have any idea how I can improve this article? --Scottandrewhutchins 19:17, 23 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • Who is this Pamela Allardice, and why should I trust what she has to say on the subject?
  • The article could do with a picture (a drawing or painting, obviously), given the grotesque description of the monster given, it's only natural that one would want to actually see it.

Those are my first impressions. Lankiveil 10:05, 24 September 2006 (UTC).[reply]

Great power

This page has recently been through a degree of upheaval. Large quantities of unsourced material have been removed and most sections have been rewritten. While the regular editors catch their breath, we would like to invite comments and suggestions for any further improvements.

Comments regarding both substance and style are sought, including (but not limited to):

  • readability of prose,
  • effectiveness of the tables as an alternative to prose in the Great power listings sections,
  • sufficiency/reliability of current sources,
  • comments re. substance of article from those with an academic background in the subject are keenly sought,
  • suggestions for future improvements?

Many thanks, Xdamrtalk 23:16, 23 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

You forgot Poland. --zippedmartin 04:47, 27 September 2006 (UTC) Kidding, obviously. Sources are a bit all over the place, but that's at least partly not editors' trough (hi cite.php!!!) 6, 9 and 29 are currently nowikied, but I dare not press the edit button to try and find them. Article is quite readable, though not polished. The quote 'an empirical one, and common sense can answer it' appears in the lead and later too (it's not *that* thrilling)... Formatting of second table is bothered by the image float. India and Italy? Hey maybe Poland wasn't so funny after all.[reply]

Garrincha

Article about a Brazillian footballer. It has had a major re-write during the time it was the Football Article improvement drive (See Changes). What other changes does it need to have to get the article to featured standard? Kingjamie 12:09, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • First of all, the facts with a [citation needed] tag have to be referenced. Punkmorten 12:42, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

This is by most considerations a good biography. I have some issues, though:

  • He is considered one of the best dribblers in football history, and the best Brazilian player ever after Pelé. - by whom? For a statement as bold as that it is worth putting in whose opinion that is so that the reader can make up their own mind about the reliability of that statement.
  • ...yet he still became one of the greatest players in football history -
    peacock term
    ; tone it down, consider changing it to something more objective like ...a Brazilian twice World Cup-winning international or something like that.
  • ...would often end on an accurate pass to a teammate in position to score. - Needs some sort of statistic to back it up, or at the very least examples of when he did so.
  • ...became a symbol of the history of the club. - this sounds a little awkward. Maybe instead say he was one of the club's greatest or most well-known players, with a citation to back it up.
  • The club career is quite short, considering he played 12 seasons for Botafogo, I'm sure more can be said about it. Did he have any particular standout seasons or games for the club? It doesn't quite match the quality of the international section.
  • The article is not clear - did Garrincha play in his own farewell match in 1973? If not, consider moving it out of that section and into a Trivia section, or even a separate section entitled "Recognition and tributes" with other similar cases (e.g. his funeral and epitaph)
  • Consider transwikiing the quotes over to Wikiquote.

Hope the above helps. Qwghlm 08:19, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Checkmate

I think the article is close to FA status, but IMO, as a general guideline, an article should go through the peer review process before the FA process. I would like to know in advance why the article may fail a FA nomination. -- Selmo (talk) 02:49, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Some points (feel free to address the ones you think are necessary, and to strike them from this list if you feel comfortable doing so):

  • Only four inline reference for the whole article. Could more be added?
  • Some parts could be considered inappropriate tone, like See Wikibooks - Chess/The Endgame for a demonstration of how the king and queen versus king mate is achieved., Again, see Wikibooks - Chess/The Endgame for a demonstration of how the king and rook versus king mate is achieved. and (see Troitzky line).
  • Most sections read like an instruction manual (Here are the two basic checkmate positions, This diagram shows the basic checkmate position, These diagrams show representatives , etc).
  • Make wikilinks more direct. In example, opposition in the Queen section is wikilinked against
    Chess terminology#O or Opposition (chess)
    . Another example is rank, pointing at Chess terminology as well.
  • Checkmate#Basic checkmates has checkmates bolded in the body. However, it is not necessary to bold it in that section. You can use italics in the word after the leading, although that is not necessary as the term is pretty well known.
  • Without references, some sections can be considered original research, weasel words or peacock terms (This checkmate is the most difficult to force,, With white to move, checkmate can be forced in at most sixteen moves from any starting position., checkmate can be forced in at most nineteen moves., etc.
  • Instead of * ''Main article: '', use {{main}}.
  • The article is mixing two types of inline references (see Checkmate#Origin of the word, in example, both {{ref}} and m:Cite/Cite.php). That is pretty confusing (for a minute I thought there was just one inline reference). Try consolidating both styles.
  • There are some red links. Some frown upon them when going for a featured article. Redlinks in the references templates have been removed.
  • When using mdashes (like in captured — the) there should be no space between the dash and the surrounding words. If you want to add a space, use a ndash (in other words, either captured—the or captured – the).
    The dash guidelines
    explain this in deeper detail.

I think those are all the ones I can think of right now. Good luck! -- ReyBrujo 03:35, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

    • I would add to ReyBrujo and recommend some sort of different formatting for the explanations of the moves in the "Quick checkmates" section. I don't know what's traditional for chess articles on Wikipedia, but listing them as they are now (like they are words, with spaces in between them) is rather painful to read and seems unorganized. --Fbv65edel / ☑t / ☛c || 17:02, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • I noticed that, after the etymology, you dive straight into a list of the basic checkmate combinations. You might want to start by explaining that checkmate occurs when (a) all squares around the king are either occupied by a non-capturable piece or under threat themselves, and (2) the piece which threatens the king is neither capturable nor blockable. This is described in the article
    Check (board game)
    , but is just as applicable if not more so to your article.
  • Also, on the diagrams you might want to use either highlighting or sweeping arrows to indicate which of the above mentioned squares the threatening pieces influence - it makes more sense for those who don't see that instinctively.
  • In conjunction with my first suggestion, you might want to include a few examples of things that are NOT checkmate, and explain why not.

Robert Rapplean 21:53, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Fort Bliss

I just completed a three month overhaul of the article, and (IMHO) have drastically improved the article Fort Bliss. I would like to take this all the way to Featured Status, but I now need imput from the community about what needs improved. I can not spell to save my life, so if someone could check that and the grammar I would be much obliged. More importantly though I need to know what could be better cited. Aside from those two points specifically I am open to any suggestions for improvement. TomStar81 (Talk) 22:40, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • IMPORTANT I am in school at the moment, so if I appear slow to respond here have patients; its likely school work has me tied up. TomStar81 (Talk) 22:40, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

this could be deleted

Following a note that 32K is too big, I had a quick look. Compared to others, this is too precise; on the other hand most items are interesting. So looking for repeat patterns

  • End of very top is repeated in history.

Fort Bliss has seen three major military composition changes and one territorial change since its creation. Originally a United States military base with an infrantry garrison, the facility was occupied by Confederate forces at the outbreak of the United States Civil War. Following the defeat of the Confederacy the infantry units gradually gave way to calvary units. During the time of two World Wars the post shifted from calvalry to anti-aircraft artillery, and then to its present role of air defense artillery, which incorporates guided missiles into the air defense arena.

  • This is my take for the intro

Fort Bliss is United States Army post in El Paso County, Texas, United States. The Fort is named for Lieutenant Colonel William Wallace Smith Bliss. Fort Bliss, with 1.1 Million Acres, is the largest installation in TRADOC (U.S. Army Training and Doctrine Command. Within the Army it is second only to White Sands Missile Range, which is adjacent to Fort Bliss. Unsurprisingly, Fort Bliss is the largest Maneuver Area in the Army, at 550 square miles and also provides the largest contiguous tract of virtually unrestricted airspace in the Continental United States (1500 Square Miles).[5]

...... need clever referencing what happened to [1] [2] [3] [4]? ...... need info somewhere on the fort being also a place; this seems to be a touchy subject .

  • looking for bad spelling
  • Structuring ... FortBliss Today.


Dilane 01:29, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I will look over the introduction again and see if it can be tweaked in a manner more befitting the article. As for the page length, Wikipedia:Article size states that an article can go as high as 50 kilobytes before any serious consideration should be made to split up the article. The number 32 is displayed to to old techinical considerations. Numbers 1-4 are present in the article, 1 and 2 are in the infobox next to the titles "built" and "in use"; 3 and 4 are at the end of the first two sentences in the second paragraph. I am not entirely sure what you mean by the fort being a place, so if you could maybe elaborate a little on that point so I can see what you mean I would be most apreciative :) TomStar81 (Talk) 02:52, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
After looking at it for a while I decided just to scrap the last paragraph in the intro entirely. Is this better? TomStar81 (Talk) 06:21, 27 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Son Goten

I believe Son Goten is nearly a decent article; the article contains decent images, describes his appearance, and the like. But, I think the article has a lack of organization, verifiability, and information, if possible. SGFF 01:35, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • From the most obvious to the less obvious:
    1. The article is mainly written from an in-uinverse perspective (as if he were alive), while it should be from an out-universe perspective (talking as a character). See
      the guideline for fictional characters
      .
    2. No references.
    3. Image:Son Goten photo.jpg, Image:Songoten.jpg and Image:Gtgoten.jpg lack fair use rationale and source. Image:Bebi-Goten.jpg lacks fair use rationale.
    4. Without references or sources, most can be considered
      peacock terms
      , in example, Goten is famous for his mispronunciation, In Dragon Ball GT (which most fans consider non-canon), etc.
    5. Too much
      original research
      : It is possible that Goten had the potiental to become the strongest Saiyan., The ease at which he does so has been a matter of fan controversy, Another theory is that the strength of a child, It is unknown who won the bout but it is safe to assume that Goten won, etc.
    6. The name could use the {{nihongo}} template.
    7. Capitalise the first letter of the first word and proper nouns only; see the
      heading capitalisation guidelines
      .
    8. In the Power section, there is a bold Super Saiyan. There is no sense having a subtitle there.
    9. The movies and videogames sections are lists, which are usually frowned upon. Try expanding the character's participation there.
    That is all I can say after a quick glance. Overall, it would be nice if you could find references, and rewrite the article from an out-of-universe perspective (authors' comments, why he was named in that way, why Toriyama decided to make him similar in appearance as Goku, while Gohan was so different, when he first appeared in the manga and in the anime, etc). If you need more comments, I can do that sometime later. -- ReyBrujo 02:15, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Maybe the Japanese Wiki would be a good source (or other languages). We would need a translator for that, though. However, you can use Google as a translator. SGFF 03:36, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
No, you can use the sources the japanese Wikipedia uses, but you can't use Wikipedia itself as reference. -- ReyBrujo 04:14, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I don't really know what all this is about, but I'll do what I can. Kabuto Yakushi 10:01, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I'll see whta I can do about this. Hopefully the article can be a decent document within a month -- Kotenks 19:29, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Nihongo template added.--Rmky87 01:25, 27 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Tupac Shakur

There is a few editors that is working in the article lately, and I really want to get this featured soon. It failed FAC around April

wat's sup 04:17, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

  • Some comments:
    1. References should be put after punctuation signs. In the leading, it is used between the word and the comma worldwide[2], while it should come immediately after the comma. Don't leave a space between the word and the reference, as in the third reference.
    2. Any possibility of using {{
      cite video}} and {{cite web
      }} in every reference?
    3. Do not use contractions unless quoting the subject. In example, use did not instead of didn't
    4. Image:Tupac1.jpg has no fair use rationale.
    5. Image:Tupac-mugshot.jpg is tagged as having no source information.
    6. fair use reduce
      }}.
    7. The Legal issues section, especially the third paragraph, has too many short sentences, which may not be good for the flow. In example,

      According to the complaint, Shakur sodomized the woman and then encouraged his friends to sexually abuse her. Shakur vehemently denied the charges. He had prior relations days earlier with the woman who was pressing the charges against him. She performed oral sex on him on a club dance floor and the two had later had sex in his hotel room.

    8. Don't use $2000, use another notation like US$2000, or another way indicated
      here
      .
    9. When using mdashes, don't put a space before or after it. If you want the space, use a ndash, per
      dash guidelines
      . In example, instead of shooting — of setting use shooting—of setting or shooting – of setting
    10. The prose could get some polishing to remove unnecessary wording. In example, Family and friends plan to spread the remaining ashes during a ceremony in Soweto, South Africa. The ceremony has been delayed from September 13, 2006, to June 16, 2007, which is Shakur's 36th birthday could be rephrased as Family and friends plan to spread the remaining ashes during a ceremony in Soweto, South Africa, on June 16, 2007. Or, In one interview that appears on the documentary Tupac: Resurrection could be better as In an interview appearing on the documentary Tupac: Resurrection.
    11. Weasel
      stuff, like Many supporters of these theories and It was believed by many listeners that in the first few seconds of the album The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory, one could hear a voice saying "Suge shot me", or "Suge shot 'em". This voice was of Kadafi. Who were those "many listeners"? Do we have a reference? Also, the "This voice was of Kadafi" is typical of a mystery book, not an encyclopedia. In example, It was believed by many listeners that in the first few seconds of the album The Don Killuminati: The 7 Day Theory, Kadafi's voice could be heard saying "suge shot me", or "Suge shot 'em". The "one could hear" is of inappropriate tone too.
    12. I suggest rephrasing this sentence:

      This, along with reports of Knight's strong-arm tactics with artists and other illegal/unethical business tactics including involvement with the Mob Piru Bloods street gang gave rise to a theory that Knight was complicit in Shakur's murder, as it was reported that Suge Knight owed Tupac up to seventeen million dollars in back royalties, but no evidence has been provided to support this theory.

    I think that is all for now. Someone else may check the prose better than me for sure. -- ReyBrujo 04:52, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Martin Velíšek

This is only my second article and I know there are problems with it, I would greatly appreciate if someone would be willing to take a look at it and set me on the right path in terms of form and links, etc. Many thanks, --grendelsmother 14:31, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

If this is your second article then I think you'll have a fine future as a Wikipedia editor. In order to lift the cleanup tag, I have two suggestions:
  • Neutralize the wording. One example of purple prose is ...where his conceptions adorn everything from the walls to the head-rests he invented for urinals. There's a tone of praise in the use of adorn that doesn't fit very well in an encyclopedic article. It would be fine to quote a source that praises him.
  • Cite sources and name examples. Per
    WP:WEASEL
    it's much better to put a statement about critical acclaim into the active voice and name the critic or publication.
If you'd like to raise this to good article status:
  • Create line citations.
  • Eliminate redlinks by creating stub articles.
  • Expand the coverage. Exactly what awards has he won? What artists are his influences? Create subheadings for his different media or his most important works. Is there some notable aspect to his life other than art? (For example, Vladimir Nabokov was an avid butterfly collector).
This is a fine start for a new editor. Have a look at some of the biographies that are already FA or GA and use them as models. Best wishes, Durova 06:28, 27 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Westport Country Playhouse

I'd like some feedback about the organization of the article, as well as the History section. The article is already Good, I'd like to see it featured some day. As such, any feedback would be appreciated. --Cryptic C62 · Talk 02:18, 27 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

On first glance, it seems very list heavy. Like a bunch of random facts thrown on the article. Perhaps some of it can be put into prose? I'll look deeper and see what else I can see. --198.185.18.207 13:09, 27 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
That's true, it is list heavy. The problem is that much of the information is best presented in list format, namely the notable artists and some of the technical information. I'll try prose-izing some of the lists and we'll see what looks good.
Rmrfstar has also suggested moving the list of notable artists into a separate article. Do you agree with this? --Cryptic C62 · Talk 22:12, 27 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]
The only problem I really see with that is that we lose a lot of information that way. Without the lists, the article becomes much more encyclopedic. Without the information from the lists, the article becomes much less informative. Perhaps someone with more experience can come up with ways that make the information easy to digest, but less list-like. --198.185.18.207 13:35, 28 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

From SG

I did what I could to clean up the article, but as yet, there is little actual content about the Playhouse to work with: the main article about the actual Playhouse has not yet been written, while the article focuses heavily on minor details and content of lesser importance. I also removed the external jumps: please don't link to outside websites for basic definitions - if a definition is needed, the term should be wikified. I also dealt with the hanging footnotes: please review

WP:FN
. I removed the 2006 season (unencylopedic, Wiki is not for advertising and is not a website, and that info was old anyway). There is SO much that can be said about the Playhouse, that info isn't needed. Focus on telling the story of the Playhouse, using the Somerset-Ward book, and augmenting it with local press.

The significance and importance of the Playhouse in American theatre is not yet covered. To elevate an article to FA status requires a committed and passionate involvement with the topic: Cryptic, I'm wondering if you have read the Somerset-Ward book cover to cover, or if you are summarizing from lesser sources? There is a rich and thorough story of the Playhouse in that book; the article needs to cover that material, rather than including a lot of lists about technical specs, the season, non-notables on staff, etc. Several months of involvement with the material in the Somerset-Ward book should yield a high-quality FA, as there is excellent material to work with, but the content work needs to be done still.

It troubles me that GA status is conferred to articles without a serious review of the criteria: the article is very listy, although the criteria for GA specifically refer to listiness, the article headings did not conform to

WP:MOS
(I changed some of them), and it appears to me, more seriously, that the article is a copyvio. This needs to be addressed ASAP, or I'll tag and speedy delete some portions. The lead also needs work: once the article is thoroughly written (and the prose will need polishing), the lead should be an enticing and compelling two or three sentence summary of the article. It should not cover details of minor importance (for example, the mention of Annie Keefe, who has resigned anyway).

In terms of sources, some questions: did Rabinovitz *really* write a book about the Apprenticeship program? It is cited as a book, which I've never seen. Is that a pamphlet or a book? If it's a book, a publisher should be listed. Similar for the Smith technical information.

I see from the Playhouse website that the apprentice and intern info comes from their brochures - perhaps it would be better not to cite it as a book, and to source it to the information download on their website, again, taking care that you don't violate copyright by using too much of their exact text. Sandy 05:43, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Copyvio here is a serious problem: please address it immediately. I have reworked/reworded several sections to eliminate possible copyvio, but the list of notable performers is a big problem. In its current form, it appears as an egregious copyvio (and, besides, it has some errors in relation to the Somerset-Ward book). I have separated that info to a daughter article (where it belongs), but I believe that entire article is a copyvio. If it isn't fixed soon, I'll speedy delete it. I suggest fixing it by summarizing important performances and performers, rather than verbatim copying the entire history of performances at the Playhouse.

Reviewing more closely the Playhouse website, this appears to come from their site: "In order to more easily transfer Playhouse productions to Broadway, the stage was built to match the specifications of Broadway’s Times Square Theatre on 42nd Street. The idea proved immediately useful when the playhouse's first production, The Streets of New York (starring Dorothy Gish), transferred to Broadway. Dozens of new works followed suit over the years." Text from the brief history on the Playhouse website should be rewritten to avoid copyvio problems: a number of other sources are available, including local press and the Somerset-Ward book.

The content of the article needs to be expanded to begin to tell the story of the Playhouse. It can certainly be FA some day. If you ping me in a month or so, I'll have another look. For now, please deal with the copyvio ASAP. Great start on an article which has great potential !! Sandy 14:43, 29 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Also, I did not replace the phrase "back of the house", but try to avoid theatre lingo that might confuse the non-theatre, average reader. Sandy 03:07, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Also, the offspring and relatives of notable performers who have interned at the Playhouse isn't really encyclopedic content: the Somerset-Ward book has plenty to say about the various educational programs, and I left more on the article talk page, so that you should be able to easily fill up those sections with relevant material. Sandy 03:09, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I should also mention that the images should be upgraded in order to make FA quality: two of them are superb, but several of them are very dark, and of equipment only, not adding anything anything meaningful, and yet, there is no picture of the old Playhouse or the construction, and a strange picture of the new rehearsal room. A current FA is Abbey Theatre; it provides an example in terms of content, although it's a bad example of referencing, since it was passed FA before the current inline citation requirements. If you look at Abbey, you'll see that a lot of the current content can be replaced with the kind of information you can find in Somerset-Ward and other local sources. I hope I've given you enough to get your arms around for a few months! Sandy 03:24, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Image Fair Use?

I'm wondering if you ever got permission to use these two images: Image:WPC 02 cropped.jpg and Image:WPC interior.jpg Perhaps a phone call to the Playhouse to make sure they approve the use is in order? Sandy 05:31, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Indonesia

Previous peer review (May 2006)
Previous peer review (Sept 2006)
Previous peer review (April 2007)
Previous peer review (Dec 2006)

Lee Harvey Oswald

After many contentious debates, this page has reached its current form. However, there may still be room for improvement with regards to the article structure, grammar and whether it is sufficiently NPOV. Please adde comments for improvement's you'd like to see. Ramsquire 18:55, 27 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

General prose needs a little improvement; resusing words like 'ardent' and 'resulting' gets a little dry. Run on sentences need to be broken down. I noticed that this is one helluve a long article, so details like 'he shot himself in the elbow with a small, unauthorized handgun' should drop details like 'small', or even simplfied to a 'he shot himself accidently with a handgun'. i lended myself to the first section for a copy edit to show sorta what i mean, but maybe a copyedit template could get more eyes on this thing for that purpose. JoeSmack Talk(p-review!) 20:43, 28 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Leicester City F.C.

First peer review available at Wikipedia:Peer review/Leicester City F.C./archive1

Right I'm resubmitting this for a second review. I've done some work recently collecting references and starting a rivalries section. Also I shortern down the managers list and started a new article with the full list. The takeover section is a mess at the moment but as it is due to go through today (12/02/07) or tomorrow I will clean then, whilst it's all still up in the air I can't see much point.

Jimmmmmmmmm 13:53, 12 February 2007 (UTC)[reply
]

Not a bad article. What it does need is more references.

  • Comments like: "is regarded as one of Leicester's worst managers", "many supporters refer to the ground as Filbert Way", "This change was unpopular" and "a strong feeling that the naming rights had been underpriced", to name a few, are uncited.
  • A few emotive and pov terms like "would break the clubs heart", "more playoff heartbreak" and "easily the best manager of recent years" don't really need to be there.
  • The links to external websites in the colours section should be converted into inline citations.
  • The records and statistics section needs citations.
  • Why are the listed managers significant? Some criteria should be established for this, such as all managers who won a trophy, or took charge of 200+ games, for instance.
  • The last decade of Leicester's history gets almost as much coverage as the previous 100 years. Perhaps more could be trimmed?
  • Can some of Leicester's older crests be uploaded and added to the page?

Hope that helps. SteveO 00:52, 13 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

As well as SteveO's comments, I'd like to highlight a few things:

  • I don't think you need to say what the club hasn't won in the lead. The lead also needs expanding a bit
  • "Under the new name the club enjoyed moderate success in the 1920s." Perhaps needs rephrasing. If they reached their highest ever placing then I'd say that was more than moderate, although losing that word might make the sentence a bit POV.
  • "City reached the FA Cup final for the first time in their history in 1949,[1]captained by Norman Plummer, losing 3-1 to Wolves." I suggest changing that to "City reached the FA Cup final for the first time in their history in 1949.[1] Captained by Norman Plummer, they lost 3-1 to Wolves."
  • "emerged into the first team" is a bit clunky. Can't think of a viable alternative right now.
  • "After the Premiership was founded in 1992 Leicester tried desperately to gain promotion to it." Doesn't everyone? I'd suggest merging that into the next sentence. "Were close to joining the newly formed Premiership when they reached the play-offs" or something better worded than that!
  • "First Division clubs for TV rights), the large wage bill, lower than expected fees for players transferred to other clubs and the £37 million cost of the new stadium. =[4]" Rogue =!
  • What colours did Leicester wear before 1910/between 1910-1940?
  • "have been used every season since the mid 1940s" Well, they haven't, seeing as the next sentence details a 1-season colour change.
  • "In 2004, the current kit also features white pinstripes, which have previously featured in kits from the 1980s." Lose the odd "in 2004".
  • "this led manager Martin O'Neill to say he used to "lead new signings out backwards" so they only saw the Carling Stand.[7]" Why the Carling stand? Surely the whole ground was undeveloped?
  • You need a full list of managers in a sub article.
  • A few pictures would be handy.

Hope that helps, HornetMike 11:27, 14 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

What SteveO or HornetMike said. Some additional thoughts of my own:

  • Intro could be little longer.
  • Recent history could be a little shorter.
  • What exactly caused Leicester Fosse to fold? "Financial difficulties" is a little vague.
  • Singular/plural should be used consistently.
  • Some sentences are little short, making the prose quite abrupt.
  • Years should be unwikified, and seasons used rather than years.
  • Citations needed for unpopularity of the new white kit, the fact the naming rights are underpriced, fans disregarding the Walkers Stadium official name.
  • "a new jazzed up version" is unencyclopaedic and vague
  • Wikipedia itself cannot be used as a reference, as the M69 derby reference does - and to be honest it's such an innocuous claim I don't think it needs referencing anyway.

This diff on the first two paras of the History section shows some of the changes in style I recommend - cutting out unnecessary repetition of certain terms, and tidying the prose (e.g. two sentences in a row starting with "Under") a little. Qwghlm 00:30, 19 February 2007 (UTC)[reply]

I've been ill since I submitted this so I'll go through whats been said in the next week or so. Did notice one thing, someone said about an sub artcle of managers, I already did that, strange it wasn't spotted.

Jimmmmmmmmm 13:46, 21 February 2007 (UTC)[reply
]

European-American Unity and Rights Organization

This article needs to be peer reviewed by other Wikipedian editors for fact checks, clean up, and neutralty. 66.246.72.108 07:04, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Peer review is for reviewing articles that have undergone extensive work and not for requesting "fact checks, clean up, and neutralty." If you wish to ask other people to do "fact checks, clean up, and neutralty." then place following tag codes {{not verified|article}}, {{cleanup}} and {{POV-check}} into the article which will request exactly those things.
- Tutmosis 19:33, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

National Association for the Advancement of White People

This article needs to be peer reviewed by other Wikipedian editors for fact checks, clean up, and neutralty. 66.246.72.108 06:58, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Peer review is for article that have undergone extensive work and not for requesting "fact checks, clean up, and neutralty." If you wish to ask other people to do "fact checks, clean up, and neutralty." then place following tag codes {{not verified|article}}, {{cleanup}} and {{POV-check}} into the article which will request exactly those things.
- Tutmosis 19:33, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

Krusty Krab

This article needs to be peer reviewed by other Wikipedian editors. Please give me any feedback you have for this article to improve. -AMK152 00:22, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Please rewrite article with an
- Tutmosis 19:24, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

Meteorology

I have requested a peer review to try to improve this article greatly. It needs considerable work that should be specifically identified. CrazyC83 19:10, 29 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  • This is just my observations and thoughts after a quick read over.
    Pinkkeith 19:17, 29 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
    ]

This article is in serious need of inline references. How did it ever get rated B class? Thegreatdr 12:55, 13 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

International Phonetic Alphabet

I'm refiling a peer review for this article. We started a sort of cleanup drive a few months ago in order to improve it, and the article has really come a long way. Many editors have done a lot of work on it. I'd like some response to how well the article shapes up, and what needs to be fixed (I'm already looking into the {{

fact}} parts). Thanks. The ikiroid (talk·desk·Advise me) 22:25, 14 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
]

  • Remove the "For a treatment of the English language using the IPA..." paragraph from the lead. It's irrelevant to a general article on the International Phonetic Alphabet.
  • History section is too short. I think it should also adress a few of the most important revisions, for example the 1989 one. Also, the most recent addition (labiodental flap) could be mentioned (it is only alluded to in some footnotes).
  • I think this article would also need to cover the policy governing changes and additions to the IPA. It is my understanding that linguists can propose new symbols (on the basis of their own research), and that these proposals subsequently are voted on by the IPA Council. However, any details are unknown to me, and it would be nice if this article covered this procedure.
  • The section on Educational initiatives seems very vague to me. 'There is some interest' -- where? 'The rationales for such projects' -- it would be better to specifically name some of them. Also, there are some well-known projects based on rationales 1 and 2 (for example the UCLA Archive), but I would be curious to know a project based on the 3rd rationale given ('universal language acquisition').
  • The statement "The labiodental nasal [ɱ] is not known to exist as a phoneme in any language." is rightly marked with {{
    fact
    }}; in fact, I think Constance Kutsch-Lojenga has argued for its existence in some central African languages she worked on; I'll try to find a reference for that.
  • The section on "Unicode and tonal symbols" seems out of place to me. I would expect it in one of our articles on Unicode, but not in our most general article on the IPA. It's too specific.
    • These were originally footnotes, but they were so large that I made them into a seperate section. Perhaps we'll begin migrated a good deal of this info to the correct article. The ikiroid (talk·desk·Advise me) 18:18, 16 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • In "Other phonetic notation" (shouldn't that be notations?), it might also be good to mention a few well-known historical phonetic alphabets, such as Lepsius'
    Standard Alphabet and Westermann's Africa Alphabet
    .
  • I must say don't really like the See also's for
    English
    , especially because both currently are requested to be merged into their respective "X phonology" articles. Besides, why only these two languages?
    • Well, I'm keeping them there until they become merged or whatever happens. IMHO, there should be a few of these articles on different languages. The ikiroid (talk·desk·Advise me) 22:09, 19 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  • That'll be all for now. —
    ✎ 08:37, 15 September 2006 (UTC)[reply
    ]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

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  • P.S. The footnotes can be found here for now. Ruhrfisch 14:51, 13 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

List of Oregon State University people

I've been working on this article since January and it's currently at good article status. I think it's getting close to being a featured list but there are some issues I'd like cleared up before nominating. The primary things in my view holding this back is that there are a good amount of red links, which I am slowly getting rid of by making articles, and that it needs more images towards the top. Unfortunately this is going to be harder as I'd like to only use free images. Anyway, the formatting issues I had a question about is repeated wikilinking to the same article. The MOS says this shouldn't happen (at least in the same section) but I was under the impression lists were different, I asked a question about this here but didn't have it answered. Basically I want to know if:

  1. We should only link the first instance of MLB, NFL, NBA, etc. or if the way it is now is good.
  2. The "Please" in "Please note that the people listed may have only attended the university at one point and have not necessarily graduated" seems a little like we are asking the reader a favor, I was tempted to get rid of it but I originally copied that from another list of people by university, any thoughts on removing that?
  3. After each baseball player I list the position they played, but ones that played multiple positions I left simply as player. Any ideas on what to do about that, or just leave it? I don't know which positions the unlabeled players were best known for.
  4. The basketball player position of guard links to essentially a disambiguation page between the 2 types of guards, unfortunately I don't know which type each player was. I could guess but that would be original research, the source only states guard in general and not the specific type they were.
  5. What do we do about people notable enough for the list, but not enough for their own article? (For example, noting that Bobby Henderson, the creator of the
    Bobby Henderson (FSM)
    redirects to Flying Spaghetti Monster, showing he isn't notable enough for an article). Do we remove a link alltogether? Right now clicking on his name brings you to Flying Spaghetti Monster, but it is repeated right after that.
  6. Right now general references follow the inline references and notes. Is this correct? Also the first inline citation is a repeat of the first general reference, I didn't know what to do about that since it fits both as a general reference as as a citation for the statistic in the lead.
  7. I wasn't sure about how to signify someone who is both an alumni and a former or current faculty member, so I simply added a note to each person that applied to, does this look good?

That's about it. Some other things worth noting is the football alumni isn't complete, there are still a lot of players I need to copy over from the football database, but they would all be redlinks so I figured I would do that after the current players listed all had articles (other than the free agents who I don't consider notable enough to have a page). VegaDark 08:32, 14 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

  1. i would only link the first instance, but like you i dont know how it is different for lists
  2. The please thing could go either way. i would take it out as it is just one more word that does not have to be there.
  3. baseball players without a usual position are often referred to as utility players.
  4. just because there is no article for henderson doesnt mean he isnt notable enough, just that it hasnt been done. i would either delink him or redlink if he meets
    WP:BIO
    . either way there does not need to be two links to FSM.

Sosobra 00:29, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

A completely unreferenced article should not be GA, and would not make featured without inline citations: the notables need to be referenced. We can't ask readers to take our word for it. Sandy 23:16, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Uh, I'm not sure if you looked at the bottom or not but there are plenty of references. Having an inline citation after each name all pointing to the same reference seems kind of...ludicrous. I haven't seen any such lists of people done that way, having general references at the bottom like it is now makes more sense. VegaDark 23:35, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
If you're saying they all come from one reference, then that can be noted. The problem with your logic is that articles on Wiki are not static: long after you stop tending the article, other editors will be inserting names that come from different sources. How do we know if future insertions are legitimate? Yes, every line should be sourced, and yes I've seen lists where they are. Featured articles require inline citations: of course, you're free to ignore the requirements. Sandy 21:55, 1 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

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  • P.S. The footnotes can be found here for now. Ruhrfisch 14:54, 13 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The Scout Association of Hong Kong

After editing this article into the current state, I would appreciate feedback on the things that could be improved, aiming for Good Article status (I'm humble). Wim van Dorst (Talk) 20:36, 13 September 2006 (UTC).[reply]

  • Suggestions:
  1. more refs
  2. move one of the pics so that there is not a huge white space between the see also heading and the first item in the list
  3. maybe a bit more on programs
  4. It seems during WWII the Japanese let the Scouts continue; I thought they interred a lot of people. What affect did the occupation have on Scouting in Hong Kong
  5. Re the return to Chinese control a few years ago...what affect did this have on the movement, if any? No mention is made of this. Rlevse 14:23, 14 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
    • Thanks, Randy. The most notable issue is indeed the dependance of this article on merely one major reference (history of HK Scouting). Pics have been moved (could do with some more), programmes are pretty standard in The Scout Association, so don't need elaboration here. And personally I'd rather not include too much political information, as it easily askews into non-NPOV. Given the stability of the response here, would a GAC already be reasonable? Wim van Dorst (Talk) 19:54, 27 September 2006 (UTC).[reply]
I don't think the WWII and return to Chinese control would skew it as long as it was factual and referenced. For example, did HK Scouting cease to exist under Japanese control? IF SO, that is fact and not POV. I'm asking, what if any affect was there during these times? Leaving them out leaves the reader wondering. Rlevse 18:41, 29 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that the it exemplifies some of
    User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 2a. [6]

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  • P.S. The footnotes can be found here for now. Ruhrfisch 14:53, 13 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, Ruhrfish. I use the peerreviewer script too, so it isn't surprising that it doesn't find anything wrong. Wim van Dorst (Talk) 20:55, 13 October 2006 (UTC).[reply]

Islamic architecture

I have extened the article and added pictures (to once what have been a dull article) in a massive construction work on the article. I have nominated the article on the WikiProject Achitecture but no-one (apart from me) supported the article to be extened, therefore I extened the article by myself, added more information, merged some articles to the Islamic architecture, added a gallery and I have added sources. And now I want someone...anyone to read the article so it can become a featured article. Thank you!

Abdullah Geelah 19:24, 9 September 2006 (UTC) [reply]

Very nice work. Not heavily referenced enough for a good article, but well laid out. Policy wanks may object to the gallery. You've taken on a huge subject in effective summary form. Durova 02:39, 12 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I really like this article and think it has great potential. A few comments:-

  • The Lead needs expanding.
  • The first couple of paragraphs after the lead are a bit too list driven. I'd generally put lists at the end of the article and begin with prose summary style.
  • You'll need to thoroughly reference the article, preferably with in-line citations (This is the bit everyone hates, but it'll need to be done to get GA or FA status).--Mcginnly | Natter 10:41, 14 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

You need to remove the gallery. Wikicommons is for image galleries. There are plenty of pictures already. You should expand inline refs throughout the article, and there is a problem with exiting inline citations. Medvedenko 04:10, 24 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

This is a very nice article. Please remove the gallery, as Medvedenko has said. Many of the sections (especially the lead) are too short. The templates and images alongside them create gaps in the text. The lead talks too much about Persian architecture; spend that space discussing what Islamic architecture is, not what it isn't. The last sentence of the section on Fatimid architecture doesn't make sense. The images are very nice. NatusRoma | Talk 03:59, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Very pretty. At first it looks like there is too much images in the article, but it's really the paragraphs that are too short. --SidiLemine 11:43, 30 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I think the text needs a bit of work to remove some heavy repitition of words that makes it seem to "labour the point". For example:

One of the first civilizations that Islam came into contact with during and after its birth was that of Persia. The eastern banks of the Tigris and Euphrates was where the capital of the Persian empire lay during the 7th century. Hence the proximity often led early Islamic architects to not just borrow, but adopt the traditions and ways of the fallen Persian empire. Islamic architecture borrows heavily from Persian architecture and in many ways can be called an extension and further evolution of Persian architecture
There is a repeating of "borrow from... Persian". Really, the last sentence is unnecessary. This pattern occurs in a number of places.
QuiteUnusual 20:18, 2 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

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]

RockyI've been working on this for quite a while now, 2 failed GA nominations, i am in the process of acquiring and citing some reviews but some other thoughts would be nice

(The Bread 09:42, 8 September 2006 (UTC))[reply]

My comments:
  • In "Production", I wonder if its necessary to have that same citiation after so many different sentences.
  • About the original script: "...Rocky throw the fight after realizing he didn't want to be part of the world he'd entered." That could explained. What world did he enter?
The prose could still be improved, but it might be good enough for
WP:GAC. The article somehow doesn't seem complete, though. In addition to a section on critical acclaim, maybe a section influence, legacy, etc? You could also include the video games there, which would take them out of the lead where they don't really belong. -- bcasterline • talk 17:14, 8 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
The article is missing info on critcal reception (both from 1976 and today) and box office reception (outside the intro paragraph). Also the article needs to go into the film's legacy. The film came out 30 years ago and people are still running up those steps. A statue was placed by the Museum of Art just this past weekend. Also it should have a brief paragraph on the sequels similar to Halloween (film). Medvedenko 02:29, 12 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I've gone got some critical info, It's from a couple respected newspapers and a magazine as well as added a section oninfluence where it talks about the statue and the steps scene. The inline citations have been cleared up, I added a section on video games all that is left to be done is the box office takings which are difficult to cite and as for the sequels I'm a bit iffy on that one, there's little you can say without branching into info belonging in one of the sequels articles
†he Bread 03:00, 25 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I've been through the article, and there's a number of spelling and grammar errors (try to write less passively). However, I've corrected them :) Also, the fact about the inspiration for Rocky didn't really flow with the lead paragraph, so I removed it and moved the reference down to the Production section. CloudNine 17:10, 11 October 2006 (UTC)[reply

]

Cheers, I have been thinking about that one for a while
†he Bread 19:51, 11 October 2006 (UTC)[reply]

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